Comments on: When Your Parenting Style Goes Against the Grain

By: Dreadle

Dreadle — Fri, 21 Oct 2011 17:26:00 +0000

I think this a fantastic blog and refreshing to hear others with similar ideas on parenting, I am a nanny and at the moment do not have children of my own, but by observing and listening to parents i will hopefully equip myself to be the best mother I can.
The Kelly Dinocia quote sums it up nicely, these little people wont be children forever, we are preparing them for adulthood. Happy, loved children, are happy, loving adults.

By: Angelaroberts

Angelaroberts — Mon, 29 Aug 2011 01:43:00 +0000

This is the second time that I have read this. Thank you so very much! You just gave me the much needed reinforcement that I needed on a very tough day :)

By: smallerfootprints

smallerfootprints — Sat, 04 Jun 2011 16:38:00 +0000

Reading this post makes me feel a lot. Last year I made a major change in my life that had been brewing in me for awhile. My boyfriend thought I was crazy, but being the supportive sweetheart that he is, patiently watched as I rid our home of cleaning products, plastic wraps and anything I found offensive to my new goal. The truth is though, as convicted as I am, I still tend to keep it on the down low to avoid hearing negative comments from friends and family.
Now my boyfriend and I are expecting and it will be harder to quietly live out our chosen lifestyle. I am terrified and already anticipating a barrage of criticism. For some reason people are freer with their opinions when a child is involved, and I don’t expect a lot of support. For example: the baby shower! Is it acceptable to ask guests to buy gently used items, and refrain from plastics and synthetic materials? Or should I just be grateful for what we get ( a stance I am positive most of our family will take)? It doesn’t help that we are a very low income family and as my mother constantly tells me, I am “too poor to have standards”!
It is hard enough being a first time parent, but doing it without a solid support system is scary. I’ve run across many blogs (this one is so far my favorite), but if anyone knows of any message boards or online communities that I might find helpful, I would so, so, so appreciate it!

By: Madeleine Booth-Smits

Madeleine Booth-Smits — Wed, 04 May 2011 20:37:00 +0000

Good on you. Hippie parents are great!! Love your blog.

By: Tc_rides

Tc_rides — Wed, 04 May 2011 18:43:00 +0000

I think you seem like a great mother that loves her children. You have spent time researching the way you want to raise your children. It may not be the same as others choose but that is your right as a mother. The prescriptions and half the drugs that doctors decide to push onto children these days are horrendous. I myself was asked by a doctor if I had a drug problem because I wouldn’t let him give my child a prescription (with brain damage being a side affect) to my child of 4 months for eczema. Yes she had a rash it didn’t bother her, it wasn’t bleeding or spreading. It was just little red bumps. Why would I take that risk; when in a couple weeks her tooth came in, it went away. I feel like you are taking the less traveled road. Most people don’t go that road because in all honesty it is more work. Trying to clear your home of toxins, using cloth diapers, exclusively breastfeeding, homeschooling, etc. all of these take more time as a parent. A lot of parents barely take interest if their kids have homework. They are pacified by electronics and don’t get the attention that they need or deserve. Kudos to you and your decisions to better your families life. Good Luck.

By: Tc_rides

Tc_rides — Wed, 04 May 2011 18:43:00 +0000

By: Amanda

Amanda — Wed, 04 May 2011 14:42:00 +0000

The photo of the VW bus reminds me of my childhood! My parents brought me home as a newborn in one and then my Dad drove one again when I was in high school. In many ways my parents veered a little to the “alternative” compared to my friends in the suburbs. I was mortified when Dad dropped me off at school in the old VW but I survived. My kids will too, minus the VW! LOL It probably makes me more conscious of not necessarily appearing to go against the grain but still doing my own thing. We are unconventional in our neighborhood and with in-laws for breastfeeding, baby-wearing, not letting baby cry it out, no “formal” preschool at age 3 & 4, eating vegetables and whole foods (usually cooking vegetarian), letting each kid pick only 1 organized activity outside of school, etc. My MIL has said my kids are spoiled because of these things! Thank you for posts like these to remind me I am not the only one! My kids are living proof that this is the right way to go!

By: a mom

a mom — Wed, 04 May 2011 13:56:00 +0000

I have to say that while I respect your right to parent any way you wish, I’ve found that those who follow this parenting style to be just as judgmental as those they rail against.

By: mdoud

mdoud — Wed, 04 May 2011 13:44:00 +0000

I am the first in my family to live a lifestyle described above but my husbands side of the family is very familar with it and has lived it for generations. I just do my thing and let them watch. Sometimes actions speak louder than words. My oldest child (of 5) is now 17. Of all they grandkids on my side of the family, mine are the healthiest, best behaved, considerate, etc. They still make comments about me making laundry soap or deoderant or increasing our Vitamin C & sleep if we feel a cold coming on instead of popping pills. It takes years to hear them make comments positively but to be honest, I don’t care because I feel I am doing the right thing. When we go to grandma, they kids know they are going to “eat a ton of sugar and crap” but it gets to a point where they say no I have had enough junk I would rather just have an apple & orange juice. I have had to lecture the older ones on behavior related to overdosing on sugar. They (my kids) actually see the difference. It is a good learning lesson for them. They like being spoiled but in the end the older ones at least, understand why we do the stuff we do, and lately have been choosing those things by themselves.

By: Cara

Cara — Wed, 04 May 2011 13:15:00 +0000

Love this article. Thank you. Makes me feel much better. I breastfed my daughter until she was over the age of 2 – we are only a month and a half not breastfeeding. she was ready but I do miss it sometimes. We cloth diapered, made our own baby food, laundry detergent, and I am planning to home school for a little while anyway. We try and cut out as many toxins within the home as we can and Im sure I have much more to learn. We have been doing an alternative vax schedule that I have been very happy with. We eat organic whenever we can, yes it’s more expensive but it is so much better for you! She loved the ergo carrier and still rides in it today. I also never let her cry it out. sometimes I was nursing her every hour or bouncing around the room for 45 minutes but that’s what she needed from us. She is very smart, very independent (even though we practiced attachment parenting) and she is great with other children even though she has never been in day care. Again, thanks for the vote of confidence and I hope there are many other Mama’s out there like this.

By: Mama B

Mama B — Wed, 04 May 2011 12:52:00 +0000

We’re probably going to run into some of what you describe in our homeschool group. We’re new to it, but already I’ve seen hints here and there of many being the “spare the rod” types, while others seem to fall into the “husbands and fathers are the ultimate rulers in the home” paradigm. We don’t. At all. So we continue to quietly raise our children as we see fit and enjoy them. So long as no one tells me that if I don’t use violence I am not a fit parent, we’ll all get along just fine. LOL

On the other side, we’re not “crunchy” enough for other parents. The ones who’ve abandoned toilet paper, use solar cookers and don’t eat anything that was ever looked upon by an animal (okay, being sarcastic… sort of). There is no way to “win” so we just carry on. You have to be confident when swimming against whatever stream you find yourself in. And you’re right, you need to find good support with like minded people.

By: abdecoteau

abdecoteau — Wed, 04 May 2011 12:47:00 +0000

I love your comment “I knew that one day our healthy, intelligent, kind, and well adjusted daughter would silence the critics.” We too just had to “wait it out” for family and friends to see that our kids are happy, healthy, and well adjusted children. For us as well, homeschooling was the last debate especially with our families. But, they have come around on that too! I say always trust your instincts as a parent. You know what is best for your child and family!

By: Nicole

Nicole — Wed, 07 Jul 2010 01:15:51 +0000

I WISH MOMS IN GENERAL WOULD JUST STOP JUDGING EACH OTHER TOO! I CHOSE TO CLOTH DIAPER, MAKE BABY FOOD, HOMESCHOOL (FOR PRESCHOOL ANYWAY), AND I WORE MY BABIES ALL THE TIME. NOT MANY PEOPLE WHERE I LIVE CHOOSE THOSE THINGS FOR THEIR CHILDREN – EVERYONE SEEMS AS IF THEY CANNOT SEND THEIR CHILDREN AWAY FAST ENOUGH. I HAVE ALWAYS FELT LIKE A MINORIY HERE WITH MY PARENTING CHOICES, BUT HAVE TO CONTINUE TO DO WHAT IS BEST FOR MY FAMILY!

By: Julie

Julie — Tue, 06 Jul 2010 19:54:45 +0000

I guess that where I live, this is not really an “unconventional” way of parenting. It seems everyone in my neighborhood is babywearing, cloth-diapering, breastfeeding, etc. If anything, I often feel judged by other moms because I DO vaccinate.
It would be nice if none of us moms (“crunchy” or otherwise) would judge each other.

By: Nicole

Nicole — Sat, 19 Jun 2010 01:10:33 +0000

I totally agree, Terry! Our solution to these types of shows was to get rid of cable. We now only have basic channels. We find what we want to watch on DVD at the library or online. Now there is not the opportunity (at home anyways) for my kids to see these ridiculous shows

By: Nicole

Nicole — Sat, 19 Jun 2010 00:58:55 +0000

Sarah – I feel I am in the same boat as you – floating from one side to the other. I adopted my three boys, so breastfeeding was not a choice for me, therefore, I used formula. I did use cloth diapers with all three, and wore all of them in carriers a lot of the time. I do not co sleep, and homeschool for preschool, and then send them to public school. My boys don’t watch much TV and when they do, it is not the shows that most boys their ages are watching. I find it difficult not completely “fitting in” with either group. Any suggestions?

By: Brittany

Brittany — Wed, 19 May 2010 14:30:36 +0000

I love this post!!! I bet you can just imagine the looks I got from people when I told then I quit using my microwave… But to me it was the best decision, I see all my friends in their early 20′s sick and can’t hardly eat things that they are “allergic” too, to me this says way too many pesticides and way to much preservatives and defiantly the way we cook our food affects that too!! Seeing so many people with health troubles being so young (like my 4 year old nephew who has diebities) has encouraged me to take a step back and really think about whats best for my family! Thanks I feel empoweered by this and now I feel stronger to stand up for what I belive in about how I raise my family!

By: AB

AB — Sat, 27 Feb 2010 14:24:15 +0000

Forgive me, but I don’t think cloth nappies, breastfeeding, making baby food and holding a crying baby makes someone an “alternative” mother. It has actually been done that way for many, many years.

By: terry skovronek

terry skovronek — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 02:53:10 +0000

There is nothing more outside the main stream than attempting to raise a child to view the world and herself as a noble being, and nothing will interfer with that effort more than contemporary media, and almost no one comprehends this. Even in the Waldorf school system where media is advised against there is the misunderstanding that if it’s not violent it’s ok, You know the type of non-violent storyline I mean: there’s a sarcastic pre-teens, a ‘bitchy’ girl (always portrayed by a blonde), tits and ass for the 12 year crowd, . Ya know what? I can’t even finish my thought. I’m so sad that what most pp consider GREAT i consider garbage that I just gotta go to sleep and hope my dreams are sweet.

By: AH

AH — Mon, 12 Oct 2009 21:12:43 +0000

It’s funny because you say your parenting style is different and against the grain. You just need to move to Santa Barbara, CA. Everyone parents like you do! We call it ‘attachment parenting’ over here. I found your blog because I was looking up “alternative parenting” to THAT type of parenting! lol Guess it all depends on where you live. Maybe I should move to where you live and then I would parent like everyone else…