Comments on: Time-In to Chill Out http://naturemoms.com/blog/2008/09/12/time-in-to-chill-out/ Green and Natural Parenting Wed, 23 May 2012 20:16:00 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.2 By: Kelli http://naturemoms.com/blog/2008/09/12/time-in-to-chill-out/#comment-7425 Kelli Mon, 25 Oct 2010 17:06:48 +0000 http://www.naturemoms.com/blog/?p=1466#comment-7425 The cooling off zone is a clever idea. We started "Teddy Time" in our house. Things usually start falling apart when the kids are tired or frustrated, and teddies are calming. I'm teaching my kids to recognize when situations/emotions are getting out of hand and they can yell "Teddy Time!" and remove themselves to get some loveys. It's time for them to be alone or snuggle with a parent and their lovey. Since my kids can't seem to get enough new loveys, I might get a couple of polar bears or penguins and suggest they can "cool off" during Teddy Time (especially since teddy bears are actually rarely used). To touch on the subject of apologies and sharing, we talk about what they and the other person are feeling when issues come up. It's especially great for apologies, which need to be made when Teddy Time doesn't come fast enough! I have them check on the other person, to see if they are OK. It usually leads to a hug and an apology. It's a more natural way and caring way than a forced apology, I think. The cooling off zone is a clever idea. We started “Teddy Time” in our house. Things usually start falling apart when the kids are tired or frustrated, and teddies are calming. I’m teaching my kids to recognize when situations/emotions are getting out of hand and they can yell “Teddy Time!” and remove themselves to get some loveys. It’s time for them to be alone or snuggle with a parent and their lovey. Since my kids can’t seem to get enough new loveys, I might get a couple of polar bears or penguins and suggest they can “cool off” during Teddy Time (especially since teddy bears are actually rarely used).
To touch on the subject of apologies and sharing, we talk about what they and the other person are feeling when issues come up. It’s especially great for apologies, which need to be made when Teddy Time doesn’t come fast enough! I have them check on the other person, to see if they are OK. It usually leads to a hug and an apology. It’s a more natural way and caring way than a forced apology, I think.

]]> By: LeahS http://naturemoms.com/blog/2008/09/12/time-in-to-chill-out/#comment-7424 LeahS Mon, 25 Oct 2010 15:08:02 +0000 http://www.naturemoms.com/blog/?p=1466#comment-7424 I so agree. Natural consequences are the best, it's the world teaching, not us parents, forcing a lesson. My son, who is on theASD spectrum, responds well to the natural consequences. I can state for him, Do you understand/see/feel that I am not angry that " you lost the remote/left toy in the rain ..etc" You chose to do "____" this is the result ( I use the word result more than consequence.. somewhere along the line consequence became a negative word for him) If you don't like this result, here's what can be done different next time. I so agree. Natural consequences are the best, it’s the world teaching, not us parents, forcing a lesson.

My son, who is on theASD spectrum, responds well to the natural consequences. I can state for him,

Do you understand/see/feel that I am not angry that ” you lost the remote/left toy in the rain ..etc” You chose to do “____” this is the result ( I use the word result more than consequence.. somewhere along the line consequence became a negative word for him) If you don’t like this result, here’s what can be done different next time.

]]> By: Nic http://naturemoms.com/blog/2008/09/12/time-in-to-chill-out/#comment-7423 Nic Mon, 10 May 2010 18:33:57 +0000 http://www.naturemoms.com/blog/?p=1466#comment-7423 I'm sure it's just the thought of arctic wildlife and chill zone. Perhaps it would make you happier if she said Arctic climate chill zone with maps from the north pole, northern AK, Siberia, northern Canada, as well as Antarctica? :) I’m sure it’s just the thought of arctic wildlife and chill zone. Perhaps it would make you happier if she said Arctic climate chill zone with maps from the north pole, northern AK, Siberia, northern Canada, as well as Antarctica? :)

]]> By: Sharon http://naturemoms.com/blog/2008/09/12/time-in-to-chill-out/#comment-7422 Sharon Tue, 23 Sep 2008 17:07:49 +0000 http://www.naturemoms.com/blog/?p=1466#comment-7422 Such an eloquent post and I agree completely. So many problems we see today are a result of kids having extremely low self esteem that has nothing to do with parental praise. It has everything to do with recognizing the strengths and capabilities of each child and showing that child the respect you expect them to show to you and others, accordingly. If we can achieve that there is no need to force "unnatural" behaviors on children. They should as a matter of good upbringing, be respectful, caring and cooperative people. Such an eloquent post and I agree completely. So many problems we see today are a result of kids having extremely low self esteem that has nothing to do with parental praise. It has everything to do with recognizing the strengths and capabilities of each child and showing that child the respect you expect them to show to you and others, accordingly.

If we can achieve that there is no need to force “unnatural” behaviors on children. They should as a matter of good upbringing, be respectful, caring and cooperative people.

]]> By: Christine http://naturemoms.com/blog/2008/09/12/time-in-to-chill-out/#comment-7421 Christine Thu, 18 Sep 2008 08:50:09 +0000 http://www.naturemoms.com/blog/?p=1466#comment-7421 With 7 kids to take care of, I do agree indeed that sometimes disciplining the whole lot of them could be extremely daunting. Also, kids dislike being punished using traditional methods, especially so if these amount to things that kids do not understand, and so equate "disciplining" to "doing something bad" to "getting caught". Kids could do bad things without getting caught and not getting disciplined - all important lessons are kinda lost in translation by that too. I could say that I have a more traditional view with sharing, but I also think that sometimes, kids get shortchanged whenever they face situations that "mandates" them to share or be accommodating to other people. Likewise, I really like the idea of giving them timeouts that wouldn't make the child feel really bad about what he did, and so not learn why he is being put there. But I do wonder if this would instead make the kid want to become even more of a challenge - that if he did something bad, he gets to be in this cool, wonderful place. Haha! But we could all try to modify the Antarctica zone can we? It's what we moms are always good at! With 7 kids to take care of, I do agree indeed that sometimes disciplining the whole lot of them could be extremely daunting. Also, kids dislike being punished using traditional methods, especially so if these amount to things that kids do not understand, and so equate “disciplining” to “doing something bad” to “getting caught”. Kids could do bad things without getting caught and not getting disciplined – all important lessons are kinda lost in translation by that too.

I could say that I have a more traditional view with sharing, but I also think that sometimes, kids get shortchanged whenever they face situations that “mandates” them to share or be accommodating to other people. Likewise, I really like the idea of giving them timeouts that wouldn’t make the child feel really bad about what he did, and so not learn why he is being put there. But I do wonder if this would instead make the kid want to become even more of a challenge – that if he did something bad, he gets to be in this cool, wonderful place. Haha! But we could all try to modify the Antarctica zone can we? It’s what we moms are always good at!

]]> By: Sara http://naturemoms.com/blog/2008/09/12/time-in-to-chill-out/#comment-7420 Sara Thu, 18 Sep 2008 01:30:14 +0000 http://www.naturemoms.com/blog/?p=1466#comment-7420 Interesting post, it sure does give us a lot to think about. I would venture to say most of us are parenting without much good example from our own parents, so this is difficult to learn. I hope my children will walk away as adults knowing I loved them, and did the best I could, and then improve on that with their children Interesting post, it sure does give us a lot to think about. I would venture to say most of us are parenting without much good example from our own parents, so this is difficult to learn. I hope my children will walk away as adults knowing I loved them, and did the best I could, and then improve on that with their children

]]> By: Mindy http://naturemoms.com/blog/2008/09/12/time-in-to-chill-out/#comment-7419 Mindy Wed, 17 Sep 2008 16:15:38 +0000 http://www.naturemoms.com/blog/?p=1466#comment-7419 Great post! Featured and Stumbled! Great post! Featured and Stumbled!

]]> By: Eileen http://naturemoms.com/blog/2008/09/12/time-in-to-chill-out/#comment-7418 Eileen Tue, 16 Sep 2008 12:47:52 +0000 http://www.naturemoms.com/blog/?p=1466#comment-7418 Yet another wonderful blog. I LOVE the idea of having an in-house Antarctica and plan to start setting ours up today. My kids definitely understand the idea of needing cooling off and will love having a special place to do it. Also, although I have taught sharing up to now, I much prefer your idea of teaching cooperation. You're so right---I don't HAVE to share my stuff and my kids shouldn't have to share theirs either. Thanks for "sharing" your insights on time-in and sharing. Yet another wonderful blog. I LOVE the idea of having an in-house Antarctica and plan to start setting ours up today. My kids definitely understand the idea of needing cooling off and will love having a special place to do it.

Also, although I have taught sharing up to now, I much prefer your idea of teaching cooperation. You’re so right—I don’t HAVE to share my stuff and my kids shouldn’t have to share theirs either.

Thanks for “sharing” your insights on time-in and sharing.

]]> By: Gee http://naturemoms.com/blog/2008/09/12/time-in-to-chill-out/#comment-7417 Gee Mon, 15 Sep 2008 07:11:44 +0000 http://www.naturemoms.com/blog/?p=1466#comment-7417 I love this idea. We have a corner with an armchair where my babygirl and I go to sit whenever either of us needs to calm down a bit. It doesn't have a theme and you have given me inspiration to think of one - since in my language 'cooling off' doesn't have the same connotation as in English, I will have to think of something other than Antarctica, but that's a sweet challenge. I like the continuity between your posts and I still keep thinking about your previous article. Thanks for taking the time for all the follow-up explanations. I love this idea. We have a corner with an armchair where my babygirl and I go to sit whenever either of us needs to calm down a bit. It doesn’t have a theme and you have given me inspiration to think of one – since in my language ‘cooling off’ doesn’t have the same connotation as in English, I will have to think of something other than Antarctica, but that’s a sweet challenge.

I like the continuity between your posts and I still keep thinking about your previous article. Thanks for taking the time for all the follow-up explanations.

]]> By: Rene http://naturemoms.com/blog/2008/09/12/time-in-to-chill-out/#comment-7416 Rene Mon, 15 Sep 2008 03:00:52 +0000 http://www.naturemoms.com/blog/?p=1466#comment-7416 Thanks so much for this post. I'm definitely getting this book. I'm at my wits end with my 3.5 year old. Time-outs and consequences worked like a charm for my oldest son, but he's a natural born people pleaser. My 3.5 yr. old is definitely not. They will both grow up to have their individual strengths (and weaknesses) as we all do. But boy is he a challenge. I'm thinking the time-in route might be a better way to go. It's worth a try for sure! Thanks so much for this post. I’m definitely getting this book. I’m at my wits end with my 3.5 year old. Time-outs and consequences worked like a charm for my oldest son, but he’s a natural born people pleaser. My 3.5 yr. old is definitely not. They will both grow up to have their individual strengths (and weaknesses) as we all do. But boy is he a challenge. I’m thinking the time-in route might be a better way to go. It’s worth a try for sure!

]]> By: Tiffany http://naturemoms.com/blog/2008/09/12/time-in-to-chill-out/#comment-7415 Tiffany Sun, 14 Sep 2008 14:04:11 +0000 http://www.naturemoms.com/blog/?p=1466#comment-7415 Rebecca, thanks for sharing that story. It really does demonstrate how the sharing mandate can easily lead to our children being a doormat for other people. I don't believe in forcing a child's apology either. Rebecca, thanks for sharing that story. It really does demonstrate how the sharing mandate can easily lead to our children being a doormat for other people.

I don’t believe in forcing a child’s apology either.

]]> By: Tiffany http://naturemoms.com/blog/2008/09/12/time-in-to-chill-out/#comment-7414 Tiffany Sun, 14 Sep 2008 13:58:31 +0000 http://www.naturemoms.com/blog/?p=1466#comment-7414 Sommer I have the book...never read it. LOL. Too many books not enough time. Sommer I have the book…never read it. LOL. Too many books not enough time.

]]> By: Sommer-Green and Clean Mom http://naturemoms.com/blog/2008/09/12/time-in-to-chill-out/#comment-7413 Sommer-Green and Clean Mom Sun, 14 Sep 2008 11:52:05 +0000 http://www.naturemoms.com/blog/?p=1466#comment-7413 Tiffany, I get what you're saying. Have you read Love and Logic or checked it out on line? The idea is natural consequences. Tiffany,
I get what you’re saying. Have you read Love and Logic or checked it out on line? The idea is natural consequences.

]]> By: rebecca http://naturemoms.com/blog/2008/09/12/time-in-to-chill-out/#comment-7412 rebecca Sun, 14 Sep 2008 06:15:11 +0000 http://www.naturemoms.com/blog/?p=1466#comment-7412 I read all the comments on sharing and I still come back to where you are with it. When my son was 5, I was teaching him forced sharing and he did really well. I don't know what was in his heart but he shared. One day a neighbor child (an only child while my son has a younger sister - if it matters) came over and demolished a LEGO project that took my son a few days and 69 pages of instruction to put together. My son was furious, but he just clenched his fists at his side and growled (using his safe hands and no words at all since he had no kind words). The other kid's parent was upset by my son's reaction and had a "you need to learn to share" huff and stormed out of the house. I suggested my son apologize which he did chasing the mom down the sidewalk. The parent refused the apology. This was a HUGE parenting failure on my part. Not all things are equal and discretion is also an important life lesson. Additionally, boundaries are important and people were abusing my son's adherence to rules for rules sake. Now I'm teaching a little bit of civil disobedience. My son is allowed to set things aside that are not for sharing unless he wants to share. My son is not forced to apologize just to keep the peace either. I think I did him a grave disservice. I get a little something from most of the parenting books that I read even when I don't agree with huge portions of it. What I learned from _How to Behave so Your Child Will Too_ brought home for me the importance of leading by example, which I already knew, but you have to be able to set the example even when you're angry. I read all the comments on sharing and I still come back to where you are with it. When my son was 5, I was teaching him forced sharing and he did really well. I don’t know what was in his heart but he shared. One day a neighbor child (an only child while my son has a younger sister – if it matters) came over and demolished a LEGO project that took my son a few days and 69 pages of instruction to put together. My son was furious, but he just clenched his fists at his side and growled (using his safe hands and no words at all since he had no kind words). The other kid’s parent was upset by my son’s reaction and had a “you need to learn to share” huff and stormed out of the house. I suggested my son apologize which he did chasing the mom down the sidewalk. The parent refused the apology.

This was a HUGE parenting failure on my part. Not all things are equal and discretion is also an important life lesson. Additionally, boundaries are important and people were abusing my son’s adherence to rules for rules sake. Now I’m teaching a little bit of civil disobedience. My son is allowed to set things aside that are not for sharing unless he wants to share. My son is not forced to apologize just to keep the peace either. I think I did him a grave disservice.

I get a little something from most of the parenting books that I read even when I don’t agree with huge portions of it. What I learned from _How to Behave so Your Child Will Too_ brought home for me the importance of leading by example, which I already knew, but you have to be able to set the example even when you’re angry.

]]> By: Tiffany http://naturemoms.com/blog/2008/09/12/time-in-to-chill-out/#comment-7411 Tiffany Sat, 13 Sep 2008 23:48:19 +0000 http://www.naturemoms.com/blog/?p=1466#comment-7411 I don't have Punished by Rewards. I do have Unconditional Parenting though by Alfie Kohn. I don’t have Punished by Rewards. I do have Unconditional Parenting though by Alfie Kohn.

]]> By: Julie http://naturemoms.com/blog/2008/09/12/time-in-to-chill-out/#comment-7410 Julie Sat, 13 Sep 2008 23:46:57 +0000 http://www.naturemoms.com/blog/?p=1466#comment-7410 I'm going to check out that book . I love your Antartica cool off zone. So cool ! hehe Have you read Punished by Rewards by Alfie Kohn ? I’m going to check out that book . I love your Antartica cool off zone. So cool ! hehe Have you read Punished by Rewards by Alfie Kohn ?

]]> By: Donna E http://naturemoms.com/blog/2008/09/12/time-in-to-chill-out/#comment-7409 Donna E Sat, 13 Sep 2008 21:07:30 +0000 http://www.naturemoms.com/blog/?p=1466#comment-7409 Book sounds wonderful,like to give it a read.The cool off spot sounds like a lovely idea,and using it with double meaning is a really great idea! Thanks for the book info. Book sounds wonderful,like to give it a read.The cool off spot sounds like a lovely idea,and using it with double meaning is a really great idea! Thanks for the book info.

]]> By: QuietMom http://naturemoms.com/blog/2008/09/12/time-in-to-chill-out/#comment-7408 QuietMom Sat, 13 Sep 2008 18:02:10 +0000 http://www.naturemoms.com/blog/?p=1466#comment-7408 Wow! I'd want to get in trouble just so I could spend some time in that corner! :-) Enjoyed this post! Wow! I’d want to get in trouble just so I could spend some time in that corner! :-)

Enjoyed this post!

]]> By: RickRussellTX http://naturemoms.com/blog/2008/09/12/time-in-to-chill-out/#comment-7407 RickRussellTX Sat, 13 Sep 2008 16:19:03 +0000 http://www.naturemoms.com/blog/?p=1466#comment-7407 I bet you've got eskimos too! Although it brings up a potentially entertaining theme "virtual McMurdo Station". You could have pictures of the station, books about it, pictures of Antarctic weather, etc. I bet you’ve got eskimos too!

Although it brings up a potentially entertaining theme “virtual McMurdo Station”. You could have pictures of the station, books about it, pictures of Antarctic weather, etc.

]]> By: Tiffany http://naturemoms.com/blog/2008/09/12/time-in-to-chill-out/#comment-7406 Tiffany Sat, 13 Sep 2008 15:47:55 +0000 http://www.naturemoms.com/blog/?p=1466#comment-7406 Sommer, I don't view consequences as really the same thing. If my child throws a fit in the store and we have to leave then it is a natural consquence IMO that they I won't want to take them next time...it not a punishment it is just the way I feel based on our experience last time and I am entitled to my feelings. We would dicuss it and I would go without him/her. Next time we would discuss and try again. Natural consequences are a-okay. Sommer,

I don’t view consequences as really the same thing. If my child throws a fit in the store and we have to leave then it is a natural consquence IMO that they I won’t want to take them next time…it not a punishment it is just the way I feel based on our experience last time and I am entitled to my feelings. We would dicuss it and I would go without him/her. Next time we would discuss and try again.

Natural consequences are a-okay.

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