My post yesterday reminded me of something I forget from time to time. The green police don’t like Melissa and Doug toys, LOL. Anyway after getting some not so nice comments online and via email by a reader who didn’t care for my Melissa and Doug recommendation I commented about my criteria for choosing green toys and thought it should be repeated here.
First off let me address the all or nothing attitude that is popping up all over in green circles everywhere. I am a pretty dark green mom. We have a green house and I am very vocal supporter of certain things like green cleaning, cloth diapers, organic foods, no vaccines, no disposables, etc. I am not however an “all or nothing” person. I think being an all or nothing person sounds great when you apply to yourself. More power to you honestly…but when that attitude spills over onto other people…some who may just be learning about green, I think you need to step off.
Take green toys for instance. I have three criteria for choosing toys.
Sustainability – Is the toy made of sustainable materials like natural fibers or wood? Or is it made of plastic or synthetic fibers that will not decompose over time?
Toxicity – Is the toy safe for the planet and for kids – aka no BPA, PVC, lead, phthalates. etc?
Locale – Is the toy made locally (for me USA made) so that transportation does not need to occur over long distances?
An all or nothing person may decide that all of these criteria must be met for each and every toy that enters there home. I try to do that myself but honestly these issues are negotiable depending on the circumstances. The sustainability criteria may be ignored for example when we purchase Legos. There is just no suitable, sustainable alternative to Legos. Fortunately I have rarely had to buy any because my boys have a huge Lego set they inherited from my brother but for Legos I might negotiate my buying criteria. I say might because I try to buy used Legos if I can.
The last issue is locale and that too is often negotiated because there are not as many options in Indy toys and the price is a big sticking point. If you could find a US made, wood sushi set like Melissa and Doug offers…and that is a big IF…it would likely cost 3 to 4 times what Melissa and Doug charge. That is a deal breaker for many parents.
So basically an all or nothing person says I can’t have Melissa and Doug because they are made in China and I can’t buy Legos because they are plastic…and guess what…neither can you if you want to say you care about green issues. I call BS…sorry but I do. That attitude is just not helpful to most people.
Think about an average mom today walking into Wal-Mart where she buys a plastic grocery cart for kids filled with plastic food…all made in China and likely containing lead and chemical nasties. I used to be that mom years ago. Now imagine another mom shopping online with a US family business that sells natural toys. She buys a Melissa and Doug set that is all made of wood and has been tested by Healthytoys.org as lead and chemical free. She is happy that she was able to buy a nice wood set with her VERY limited budget.
An all or nothing person will tell you there is no difference between these two moms…they are both green failures. Once again…I call BS. I hope that second mom continues to make the best choices she can and not listen to naysayers who want to make her feel guilty for not being the perfect green mom. This scenario applies to more than just toys too…it could 100% local food, or 100% organic clothing and food, etc. I certainly hope the US sector of the green toys police are not eating bananas or drinking coffee!! ;)
Green is a journey and all we can do is take as many green steps as we can and not consider ourselves failures for not being able to tackle them all at once. Circumstances like money may often prevent us from making what others consider to be the best choice but as Dori said in one of my fave movies, Nemo… “Just Keep Swimming”. And ignore those people who appear to be swimming faster or better than you. If they can turn back to you while they swim to comment about how badly YOU swim then they are not worth your time….but don’t let them make you stop swimming.
What is your take on the all or nothing green phenomena?
I hear you on this one, green does NOT have to be an all or nothing lifestyle change. Many people simply cannot be all green, either because of location or budget issues or a myriad of other things. To me, being partially green is FAR better than not being green at all, every little bit helps. I personally *love* Melissa and Doug products for the price alone. It’s far more affordable, even if it does come from China.
I agree! You hit it just right. No one should tell another person that if they aren’t doing “this, this and that” they aren’t green. We are all at different levels. Just because you start out with a learner’s permit, doesn’t mean you aren’t driving if you’re behind the wheel of the car! :)
No, I’m not all or nothing. I simply don’t know enough to be all and I know too much to be nothing ;)
Nell
Absolutely! The all or nothing attitude is beyond irksome. Every little step should count, should matter, should be encouraged. Tossing someone to the wolves just because they can’t make the whole jump at once does nothing to further green living, and more often than not harms it because less people are willing to try.
I’ve been thinking about this post all day, and was reminded of an article I read about “eco guilt” and how women are especially hard on themselves-and others-when it comes to not doing enough to help the planet. Interesting phenomenon, actually.
Others are noticing the eco guilt trend as well!
http://www.treehugger.com/files/2008/02/first_comes_bab.php
Thanks for this post! I have been wondering allot lately what makes one wooden toy better then the next. And does it “count” if the wooden toy I buy was made in one country vs. another. You speak of toys made in China vs made in the USA, so were do you stack wooden toys that are made in Germany. I know a bunch of moms who swear by them. Seems like a lot of hype…at least to my pocket book. I started buying lots of Melisa and Doug toys after visiting there website. I was completely under the impression they were a completely American made company. I must of missed the made in China part after seeing the picture of their lovely building some where here in the states. I guess thats just were the “thinkers” work and not their cheap labor. I should have known it was to good to be true. I guess I will put them back in the category I put Plan Toys in. Bummer. But at least its better then plastic and as you mentioned I will just keep swimming!
Very good information that I will take with me for when I have little ones. You always have such wonderful insight on things, which I very much appreciate. Thank you and have a sweet day!!
I agree with you, Tiffany. We’re way more green in certain areas (recycling, energy conservation, food usage & buying locally) than others (clothing and toys). I have to make choices with my funds I have and so for now, I choose what’s most important for me. If some “green nazi” wants to come after me, she’s wasting her time. I’m doing what I can with what I have. The effort I give is better than not giving at all.
YES!!! Good summary and a reminder to the other people out there who get tunnel vision.
So true! It’s easy to get in an all or nothing mindset when your passionate about something — for me it’s green living and REAL food. But, our goal here isn’t to preach to the choir, it’s to help real moms make real choices with what to do for their families. That sort of stuff comes in baby steps, and we can’t pretend that budget is not an issue! For some people, being all green all the time is just not realistic. Everyone must prioritize, and we need to empower moms with the knowledge they need to choose what’s most important.
A-freaking-men.
I could NOT agree more! Thank you for writing this! I am an in-between-green gal and it is SO irritating to be judged because I am not green “enough” for some people. I am doing what I can !!! That HAS to be better than nothing.
The all or nothing green advocates bother me too, epecially those who advocate “try to live green in small steps” and then turn right around and freak out on someone who does something not to the Greenzilla’s personal green liking such as reusing plastic grocery bags. I call these Greenzillas. And I suppose that’s why my blog took a turn towards being more about green living (although I’m not fond of using the term green to describe me because of comments and the like from Greenzillas) than about style or design. There are options for everything, including green living practises. And sometimes the greener thing I do may not work for you and vice versa for many of the reasons you just gave. And sometimes the seemingly green option isn’t always the most environmentally friendly. I think that we could do ourselves a huge favor about not freaking out all of the time about someone who doesn’t follow or do your specific green thing and listen as to way. Sometimes you’ll be surprizes that the person isn’t mean or not clueful but may have another green reason why they do what they do.
I’ve commented on this same thing about another pet topic, breastfeeding.
I had a commenter call me out because I said it was ok for a nursing mom IN PAIN to take an OTC med so they could keep going.
In my world, a little Tylenol is much better than a whole lot of formula. Others don’t see it that way. :-(
Black and white thinking gets us in trouble all the time. It’s fear based and it also assumes that we have infinite knowledge. NONE of us has infinite knowledge, that’s why judgment is so wrong. We’re all fallible.
Very well stated!! I think anyone with children and convictions should realize that there is no part of life that is all or nothing. Everything is and must be shades of grey. You must pick where your largest priorities are and do your best to stick to them.
I’m totally with you on this one Momma! We buy a lot of Legos and things like Mellissa and Doug, or Playmobil, because we at least KNOW they aren’t going to harm my children. A lot of our Legos are leftover from when my husband was a small child (30 years ago!) So hey, they may be plastic, but used properly, they will be around just as long as my great grandmothers cast iron pots!
I would definitely go ALL if I could. But of course money (and some other things) get in the way of this. Since we can’t do all we do try to do our part. Cloth diapers, wood toys, etc. Good thoughts!n
Very Well Written!! and I agree with you 100%! We do the best we can as moms, wives, pet owners, etc… I had this same guilt over the cloth diaper issue. I simply wasn’t able to do cloth diapers and felt horrible about it! But then i gave myself a good talking to, saying, hey, you’re doing the best you can! i buy the most all natural enviro friendly disposables they make, am still breastfeeding, make my own organic baby food when i can, recycle the glass jars if i have to buy it, recycle everything i possibly can, make or buy all natural cleaners for my home, the list goes on. I do a lot. and Yes, I can absolutely do more. But sometimes money and time limit us, so we ‘keep swimming’ – loved that part too:) great post! and thanks for your encouragement for those of us who do what we can…
Thank you for this article. Its something that has been on my heart recently as well. I truly think that we give ourselves enough guilt and pressure to always be doing what is best for our own families. I know for me, there are times when my budget doesn’t allow for my weekly whole foods trip that I wanted to make, so I settle for my local grocery store, and adhere to just organic produce and dairy. It’s hard enough worrying about ourselves, and pointing the finger is not only unneccessary, but it’s unfair. I’m sure there isn’t a single person that can claim perfection. We have enough judgment going on in the world around us, let’s encourage one another instead.
Sadly soon it will not matter because with the way the new CPSIA is written your small local toy makers and toy stores will not be able to stay in business after Feb. 10th 2009.
Check out this site:
http://nationalbankruptcyday.com/
my toy stores:
http://www.thefairyring.etsy.com
http://www.theenchantedcupboard.etsy.com
I come from Portland, OR and it is a sustainability capitol in the US. I really enjoyed learning while I lived there, but it struck me as weird that “living green” cost so much (ie specific cleaners, etc).
I have done some traveling and found that many parts of the world (some areas in Costa Rica, Mexico, and the UK that I have seen) “live green” without putting the price tag or the hype to it (as do some areas in the US)…they conserve their resources, their children do not have 50, 000 toys, etc. Some of this comes from living in a poorer area…such as when I went to Costa Rica, no one wasted food…you went to the market daily to get things fresh…the children did not have many toys to play with but were content…they mainly played with household items…is one to say to them “no, you must play with wooden toys or you are not green!!”…NO, they are living and the parents are doing the best to provide for them! “Green” is not a fashion statement, it is a way you change your perspective about living life and caring for the environment, our families, communities, and future generations. We can learn from the world around us.
It is all about give and take…about offsetting (such as the carbon foot printing that is out there)…I may recycle, but may not buy organic foods ALL the time because of my budget…I mean, people can live without eating organic…do I want to eat organic? Of course! But if it is a choice between organic free range chicken or diapers, baby cereal, and frozen chicken, I will choose the later because budget does matter in this family! My mindset is there, so I do what I can…When I lived in Portland I never shopped at Wal-Mart, now that I live in Nashville, I do occasionally for a few items…do we want to? No, but as a mother studying Montessori Education at university and a husband working as a bank teller who is also finishing his education, we are not going to financially burden our family or 10 month old daughter for the sake of being green…we go here or Kroger for groceries, thrift stores for house and clothing items and we get our daughters clothing and toys at Once Upon a Child consignment (they always have great wooden toys there! Melissa and Doug, Plan Toys, Gymboree, Montessori Services…for about $4 when they are $25 new!!)
As parents, we do the best for our family. For one to slander ones choices on how to give back to the environment is just like criticizing ones parenting philosophy. For example, we are an Attachment Parenting Family and we have some friends who use the Baby Wise method…am I going to slander them or them me? No, we seek our similarities rather than differences…first in conflict resolution!! :)
Happy parenting and caring for the natural world!!
You do what you can, start with what you have!!
Thank you for a great article!
Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! I can’t tell you the number of times I have done something only to have another person tell me– oh, I thought you were green and wouldn’t ‘do that. Um, hey! I like sushi too, and my husband, no matter how you squeeze him will NOT fit in to a tiny car (6’7″). I am definitely not all or nothing, nor do I think the all or nothing attitude furthers the green cause much, because it turns off people who need baby steps to get there! (like me)
Very true! Great post! I have just begun looking into greening our products (have been recycling and reusing for awhile) but, buying differently is a whole new ball game. I am a work in progress in everything i do, being a wife, being a mom, being a designer, being green. All things take time to learn, appreciate, change and evolve. I never thought of what I am doing as “not green enough”. In my family alone I have lots of people that just don’t get it at all. I am happy I get it and will continue on this path. I will be happy with what me and others are doing and strive to do more instead of harping on what people are not doing.
So my answer to the greenzillas is that the only way to truely minimize their impact on the environment is to have never been born. Anything less than that is falling short. Thus we all fall short but do the best we can on any given day:)
Wow – I can’t tell you how much I appreciate your clarity of thought on this subject!
I agree with you, and often take a lot of flak for my opinion. I believe that doing the best we can – one step and a time – is the only way to make changes that stick. Even intensely knowledgeable organizations like Healthy Child Healthy World make a point of saying that green is green, no matter how small the changes are.
People that ride their high horse instead of calmly educating with common sense are imposing standards that make others want to give up altogether. It’s awful easy for them to be “armchair analysts” as they hide behind their computers isn’t it?
Way to speak out! It’s obvious from the responses that you’ve really struck a true chord.
Keep up the great work!
Very well written.
Great post and I’m so with you here. I’ve always called them “open minded closed minded” people…but I like “greenzilla” better from above, so funny!
I’d love to buy all organic, sustainable, locally made, naturally dyed (etc) clothing but we just can’t afford it, that stuff is expensive. I think cost is a huge factor for many people.
The other factor is that even in trying to be “green” we may not always have the right information. So much “green washing” going on that it is easy to be duped by companies into thinking you are buying the right things, when you are not. We always bought Horizon organic milk for example (because it was the cheapest organic milk at the market) and then found out it has terrible ratings, is run by Dean foods and its organic status is questionable. I was educated about this by a greenzilla and she treated me like an idiot for not knowing. How the heck was I supposed to know? We don’t have time to dig down and research every. single. thing. we buy or do! We just have to make the best choices with the knowledge we have at that time and keep on learning.
PS – since someone may read this and wonder about Horizon, I’ll give you the link: http://www.cornucopia.org/dairysurvey/index.html Horizon is at the bottom in the Zero cow rating section. But I share this in a purely non-greenzilla, nice friendly (crap – I just found this out too!) way!
Just a general comment/thought: It’s good to be uber-green, but not always easy. The majority of people can become even more green (e.g., less consumption, more thoughtful purchases, etc.). But it is never cool to criticize others… plus, it can only make one look hypocritical, especially since humans who are living a modern life can’t be 100% perfect or have a zero impact on the Earth. We all should do the best we can, be wise, and especially be kind and encouraging to others. That is important is making positive change, because negative/unkind words won’t help the green cause.
Oprah says it best “when you know better, you do better”. So I try. Finances dictate, but I try.
I’d just like everyone to consider one thing here. China is not an all or nothing country either. Manufacturers there are not all polluting.. they do not all make chemical and lead contaminated toys. Some make very fine products. A good deal of the Chinese products in my own home are (except for shipping pollution) just as green or greener than the US products. Does the shipping industry pollute with noise and chemicals? Yes. Here’s what to consider: Several years ago I lost my tech job which was outsourced to India. I was quite bitter about that for some time, until it occurred to me: My one job here which barely payed my rent can support an entire extended family in India. Meaning not just the immediate mother, father and child.. but their siblings, sibling’s children, and the family grandparents. The same applies to China. People there are desperate for jobs and money to support their families. Sure, they work for low wages and undercut American companies. But what they do with that lower wage is a lot more than we can do with ours. As Amanda pointed out above about “3rd world” countries, people in China live a lot greener than the average American. They use everything they can and do the best they can under the given circumstances. I’m not bitter about my job loss now – with the knowledge of where my job went and who benefits from it, I’d gladly give up my new job for the same cause. And this year, I’ve carefully selected some relatively green Chinese toys for my youngsters.
I think trying to be extremely green is very frustrated and focusing on certain things is counter productive. I’ve also found that most of these things don’t really matter that much and the same goes with much of the conversations around parenting. We don’t have to be all or nothing, extremism in my opinion is not the goal. For example while a parent may condemn another for giving their child plastic toys, they may not be buying organic food. Or maybe they have energy in their home from a coal burning power plant and are not off the electrical grid. Or they may have a car that runs on gas, instead of spending several thousand dollars for s SVO or electric car conversion. They may work for a company that damages the environment, maybe even subcontracts to Chinese or Indian companies. We simply cannot be perfect in an imperfect world.
Ok, so I happen to be building a sustainable home that is up to LEED standards. I have a car that will be converted to run on veggie oil soon and our other vehicle gets 40 mpg. I work for a small health food store so I have a pretty green job. I’ve done the best I can to raise my child in a natural way. BUT…we still get take out food and go out to eat several times a week, I don’t use my travel coffee mug outside of work, I often forget my reusable bags and even occasionally throw plastic bags away, we’ve been using disposable diapers almost completely for the past month, we don’t compost (right now, living at a home that is not ours), we use disposable razors, we don’t buy paper towels/toilet paper with recycled content and we travel long distances often by car. I’m sure I could add plenty more things to this list but this is all I can think of right now. We’ve done lots of things to make our lives more green and think in terms of the environment in almost every decision we make…but we still have things that we are not fully committed to or at this stage in our lives are difficult. We are several years down our green path. For families not so far down the road, I don’t think it matters if they buy a toy from China or one made in the US, at least not that big a difference.