Comments on: Toddler Troubles http://naturemoms.com/blog/2009/04/10/toddler-troubles/ Green and Natural Parenting Sat, 11 Feb 2012 13:23:00 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.2.1 By: Linda M http://naturemoms.com/blog/2009/04/10/toddler-troubles/#comment-11536 Linda M Sun, 19 Apr 2009 13:22:37 +0000 http://www.naturemoms.com/blog/?p=2587#comment-11536 Your son is a lucky little boy to have such compassionate parents!!!! Sounds like your doing an awesome job, even though I'm sure it doesn't always feel like things are going good. Three was a difficult age for my kids (well for my parenting woes anyways) too. And hey, if he's going over to his diaper to pee, he IS getting the concept at least! He must have some control and understanding if he gets up and goes over there. It's just a matter of time now. Good luck!!!! Your son is a lucky little boy to have such compassionate parents!!!! Sounds like your doing an awesome job, even though I’m sure it doesn’t always feel like things are going good. Three was a difficult age for my kids (well for my parenting woes anyways) too.
And hey, if he’s going over to his diaper to pee, he IS getting the concept at least! He must have some control and understanding if he gets up and goes over there. It’s just a matter of time now.
Good luck!!!!

]]> By: Tiffany http://naturemoms.com/blog/2009/04/10/toddler-troubles/#comment-11535 Tiffany Fri, 17 Apr 2009 13:44:04 +0000 http://www.naturemoms.com/blog/?p=2587#comment-11535 Amber, I do not practice permissive parenting. I am an attached parent who practices repectful/peaceful parenting. My kids do have limits but they are not arbitrary or in response to social expectations. Instead if rules we gave general guidelines and expectations. While they may not have many restrictions we still work to honor everyone's needs, including mine. We just work together to find a compromise we can all live with instead of making me the winner by default because I am the parent. At 5 they may not be the best at making their own choices but how will they learn to make good decisions if they don't get practice? In my mind this is the a huge flaw in restrictive parenting. Making good choices isn't a magical thing that happens with age...it happens with age AND practice. My kids don't eat chocolate cake and watch TV all day. The chocolate cake I don't buy therefore I don't have to restrict it and the TV is not a problem because they don't feel attached to it or feel it has power because I never empowered it by making rules about it. Restricting things give POWER to the object or behavior you want to restrict. They don't go naked either but I guess they could if they wanted to...I am betting it would not last long after one of their peers witnessed this. Rules and restrictions give them something to rebel against. When they have nothing to rebel against and they have practice making decisions and seeing the logical consequences of them in action from and early age they mature faster IMO. I just wanted to clear up that I am NOT permissive in the sense that most "experts" define it. Here is a definition of Authoritarian Parenting: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Authoritative_Parenting#Authoritative_parenting Basically the only difference is the dialouge. It is restrictive and punitive but unlike straight authoritarian parenting there is discussion about the rules and discussion about the punishments. Age appropriate behaviors may also be considered more too. I do not want to bash either way and I am not. I am just stating that it is not for me and my family. Amber, I do not practice permissive parenting. I am an attached parent who practices repectful/peaceful parenting. My kids do have limits but they are not arbitrary or in response to social expectations. Instead if rules we gave general guidelines and expectations. While they may not have many restrictions we still work to honor everyone’s needs, including mine. We just work together to find a compromise we can all live with instead of making me the winner by default because I am the parent. At 5 they may not be the best at making their own choices but how will they learn to make good decisions if they don’t get practice? In my mind this is the a huge flaw in restrictive parenting. Making good choices isn’t a magical thing that happens with age…it happens with age AND practice.

My kids don’t eat chocolate cake and watch TV all day. The chocolate cake I don’t buy therefore I don’t have to restrict it and the TV is not a problem because they don’t feel attached to it or feel it has power because I never empowered it by making rules about it. Restricting things give POWER to the object or behavior you want to restrict. They don’t go naked either but I guess they could if they wanted to…I am betting it would not last long after one of their peers witnessed this.

Rules and restrictions give them something to rebel against. When they have nothing to rebel against and they have practice making decisions and seeing the logical consequences of them in action from and early age they mature faster IMO.

I just wanted to clear up that I am NOT permissive in the sense that most “experts” define it.

Here is a definition of Authoritarian Parenting: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Authoritative_Parenting#Authoritative_parenting

Basically the only difference is the dialouge. It is restrictive and punitive but unlike straight authoritarian parenting there is discussion about the rules and discussion about the punishments. Age appropriate behaviors may also be considered more too.

I do not want to bash either way and I am not. I am just stating that it is not for me and my family.

]]> By: Amber http://naturemoms.com/blog/2009/04/10/toddler-troubles/#comment-11534 Amber Fri, 17 Apr 2009 12:37:51 +0000 http://www.naturemoms.com/blog/?p=2587#comment-11534 I have to respectfully disagree. Both with your definition of authoritarian parenting and the theories that are behind it. The type of parenting you're describing is called authoriTATIVE, not authoritarian, and is considered the best form of parenting. What it seems you practice is called permissive parenting, where a loving relationship exists but there is little expectations about following rules and few rules in place. I'm not alone (in fact, I have the backing of the scientific community) when I say that this is a good, but not the best, system of parenting. Setting down rules doesn't make you authoritarian. It's how you enforce those rules. If I slapped my daughter every time she asked to watch TV, or (as she gets older) never explained the reasons behind those rules, that would be authoritarian. She's not old enough for a lengthy explanation right now, so she gets redirected - the very definition of authoritative, not authoritarian, parenting. My daughter is not old enough to make good choices for herself. If I left things up to her at this point in her life, she would eat nothing but chocolate cake and watch TV all day and go naked all the time. I believe a child should begin life with more rules than they end it with. It doesn't make sense that we give children more freedom at 5 then we would ever give them at 15. When she's 7 she can decide whether or not to wear a jacket outside. When she's 9 she can pick her own bedtime. But not now. And me setting limits and rules, again, is not authoritarian. Quite the opposite. I have to respectfully disagree. Both with your definition of authoritarian parenting and the theories that are behind it. The type of parenting you’re describing is called authoriTATIVE, not authoritarian, and is considered the best form of parenting. What it seems you practice is called permissive parenting, where a loving relationship exists but there is little expectations about following rules and few rules in place. I’m not alone (in fact, I have the backing of the scientific community) when I say that this is a good, but not the best, system of parenting. Setting down rules doesn’t make you authoritarian. It’s how you enforce those rules. If I slapped my daughter every time she asked to watch TV, or (as she gets older) never explained the reasons behind those rules, that would be authoritarian. She’s not old enough for a lengthy explanation right now, so she gets redirected – the very definition of authoritative, not authoritarian, parenting.

My daughter is not old enough to make good choices for herself. If I left things up to her at this point in her life, she would eat nothing but chocolate cake and watch TV all day and go naked all the time. I believe a child should begin life with more rules than they end it with. It doesn’t make sense that we give children more freedom at 5 then we would ever give them at 15. When she’s 7 she can decide whether or not to wear a jacket outside. When she’s 9 she can pick her own bedtime. But not now. And me setting limits and rules, again, is not authoritarian. Quite the opposite.

]]> By: Tiffany http://naturemoms.com/blog/2009/04/10/toddler-troubles/#comment-11533 Tiffany Fri, 17 Apr 2009 12:12:46 +0000 http://www.naturemoms.com/blog/?p=2587#comment-11533 Amber I was responding to the comment that I need to exert my authority over my son. To me, one of the hallmarks of authoritarian parenting is the attitude that they need to be controlled and the comment about exerting authority over him did indeed sounds like advice that he needs to be controlled. Authoritarian parenting is restrictive and punitive. The TV example you gave is restrictive just like authoritarian models. We have chosen not to put ANY limits on TV and my kids don't watch it that much by choice. My oldest son watches a DVD in his room before bed and usually falls asleep during it. My daughter will watch sporadically with many days watching none at all. My youngest does watch TV often but he would rather play outside or go somewhere with me so all I have to do to get him away from the TV is arrange for him to do something else. I get the same results as a parent who restricts but I don't have to and it makes for a much more peaceful and respectful relationshio with my kids. If that works with TV imagine how many other scenarious it would also work for. Amber I was responding to the comment that I need to exert my authority over my son. To me, one of the hallmarks of authoritarian parenting is the attitude that they need to be controlled and the comment about exerting authority over him did indeed sounds like advice that he needs to be controlled.

Authoritarian parenting is restrictive and punitive. The TV example you gave is restrictive just like authoritarian models. We have chosen not to put ANY limits on TV and my kids don’t watch it that much by choice. My oldest son watches a DVD in his room before bed and usually falls asleep during it. My daughter will watch sporadically with many days watching none at all. My youngest does watch TV often but he would rather play outside or go somewhere with me so all I have to do to get him away from the TV is arrange for him to do something else. I get the same results as a parent who restricts but I don’t have to and it makes for a much more peaceful and respectful relationshio with my kids. If that works with TV imagine how many other scenarious it would also work for.

]]> By: Amber http://naturemoms.com/blog/2009/04/10/toddler-troubles/#comment-11532 Amber Fri, 17 Apr 2009 03:29:15 +0000 http://www.naturemoms.com/blog/?p=2587#comment-11532 I think it's a bit much, and unfair, to say that any parent who sets rules and guidelines for their children is authoritarian. Even by the liberal psychologist standpoint (and I know, I studied to be one) that's taking it too far. No psychologist on the planet says that rules are bad for children, and none would call you authoritarian for making rules and sticking to them. I think requests, helping, etc should come first. But families ARE a dictatorship. Ten year olds, five year olds, and especially 18 month olds simply do not know what is best for them. No matter how much she pleads, I do not let my 15 month old watch 8 hours of TV a day. I simply say, "No, ma'am" and get out a coloring book or something. I'm not going to let my children make those kinds of decisions for themselves until they are old enough to do so. And that does NOT make me authoritarian. I think it’s a bit much, and unfair, to say that any parent who sets rules and guidelines for their children is authoritarian. Even by the liberal psychologist standpoint (and I know, I studied to be one) that’s taking it too far. No psychologist on the planet says that rules are bad for children, and none would call you authoritarian for making rules and sticking to them. I think requests, helping, etc should come first. But families ARE a dictatorship. Ten year olds, five year olds, and especially 18 month olds simply do not know what is best for them. No matter how much she pleads, I do not let my 15 month old watch 8 hours of TV a day. I simply say, “No, ma’am” and get out a coloring book or something. I’m not going to let my children make those kinds of decisions for themselves until they are old enough to do so. And that does NOT make me authoritarian.

]]> By: Tiffany http://naturemoms.com/blog/2009/04/10/toddler-troubles/#comment-11531 Tiffany Fri, 17 Apr 2009 00:24:01 +0000 http://www.naturemoms.com/blog/?p=2587#comment-11531 Jessica, I am not an authoritarian parent by choice. I was raised in a do what your told cause I said so family and it was not a respectful environment. To the extent possible we try to appease everyone's wishes and needs and I don't usually TELL them to do anything. I request, I ask if I can help them in a task, I hint, etc. We work together as a team..there is no dictatorship in our family. I think reason and assistance are better than an iron fist. Karey, I became I a parent to RAISE my kids and ALL that entails. If I can be the better doctor, therapist, school teacher, etc...I will be. My kids are worth the effort and I am completely capable of meeting their needs. Jessica,

I am not an authoritarian parent by choice. I was raised in a do what your told cause I said so family and it was not a respectful environment. To the extent possible we try to appease everyone’s wishes and needs and I don’t usually TELL them to do anything. I request, I ask if I can help them in a task, I hint, etc. We work together as a team..there is no dictatorship in our family. I think reason and assistance are better than an iron fist.

Karey, I became I a parent to RAISE my kids and ALL that entails. If I can be the better doctor, therapist, school teacher, etc…I will be. My kids are worth the effort and I am completely capable of meeting their needs.

]]> By: Karey http://naturemoms.com/blog/2009/04/10/toddler-troubles/#comment-11530 Karey Thu, 16 Apr 2009 23:27:03 +0000 http://www.naturemoms.com/blog/?p=2587#comment-11530 I don't feel like I'm breaking my 2 yr old's spirit if I stop him from doing something he shouldn't be doing. My mother established boundaries for me and disciplined me when I did something I should do and I am still creative, open-minded and spirited. I also don't want to be all things to my child such as therapist, school teacher, doctor, etc. I went to college to work in television production and that is my training. I wouldn't dream of teaching my child algebra/trig or giving him a physical exam. There are trained professionals to deal with those needs. Beyond common-sense stuff, I am not the least bit qualified to deal with those matters. I don’t feel like I’m breaking my 2 yr old’s spirit if I stop him from doing something he shouldn’t be doing. My mother established boundaries for me and disciplined me when I did something I should do and I am still creative, open-minded and spirited. I also don’t want to be all things to my child such as therapist, school teacher, doctor, etc. I went to college to work in television production and that is my training. I wouldn’t dream of teaching my child algebra/trig or giving him a physical exam. There are trained professionals to deal with those needs. Beyond common-sense stuff, I am not the least bit qualified to deal with those matters.

]]> By: Marj http://naturemoms.com/blog/2009/04/10/toddler-troubles/#comment-11529 Marj Thu, 16 Apr 2009 20:18:13 +0000 http://www.naturemoms.com/blog/?p=2587#comment-11529 I think it's a great idea to put underwear on your boy, then tell him you will let the potty be his diaper now. If you tell him that, he will probably get the idea without you actually having to put the diaper in the potty. That will help him realize he can use the potty even if there's not a diaper in it. (just an idea.) I think it’s a great idea to put underwear on your boy, then tell him you will let the potty be his diaper now. If you tell him that, he will probably get the idea without you actually having to put the diaper in the potty. That will help him realize he can use the potty even if there’s not a diaper in it. (just an idea.)

]]> By: Jessica http://naturemoms.com/blog/2009/04/10/toddler-troubles/#comment-11528 Jessica Thu, 16 Apr 2009 19:53:20 +0000 http://www.naturemoms.com/blog/?p=2587#comment-11528 My son is 3.5 and still has LITTTLE interest in the potty. He can do it he just doesn't want to and i'm in no mood to clean up puddles all day. So when he's in the mood we do training pants and when he's not in the mood we do diapers. Little by little we get more days of training pants, even if he just pees in them. With the Speech Therapy it sounds like the therapist tried to do too much with him too soon. We did speech with my son in early intervention and the therapist spent the first several sessions getting to know him and his personality. That way she knew what toys to use, what questions to ask, and how to approach new things. Our therapist also came to the house, so he was in his familiar environment. I can assure you that if i'd taken him to someplace strange to meet with a strange person we would have gotten no place for a long time. And the 15 minutes in the gym was a poor idea as well. She should just do the therapy and that's it, gym time should be for afterward, not in the middle of. And i do think you need to establish a bit more authority over your son. The simple fact is everyone has to do things at times that they don't want to do and the sooner he learns that the better things will go in therapy, potty learning, school, and life. You don't have to break his spirit, or lord over him every minute, but he does need to learn that when he's asked to do something he needs to do it. He doesn't have to like it, but he does have to do it. My son is 3.5 and still has LITTTLE interest in the potty. He can do it he just doesn’t want to and i’m in no mood to clean up puddles all day. So when he’s in the mood we do training pants and when he’s not in the mood we do diapers. Little by little we get more days of training pants, even if he just pees in them.

With the Speech Therapy it sounds like the therapist tried to do too much with him too soon. We did speech with my son in early intervention and the therapist spent the first several sessions getting to know him and his personality. That way she knew what toys to use, what questions to ask, and how to approach new things. Our therapist also came to the house, so he was in his familiar environment. I can assure you that if i’d taken him to someplace strange to meet with a strange person we would have gotten no place for a long time. And the 15 minutes in the gym was a poor idea as well. She should just do the therapy and that’s it, gym time should be for afterward, not in the middle of.

And i do think you need to establish a bit more authority over your son. The simple fact is everyone has to do things at times that they don’t want to do and the sooner he learns that the better things will go in therapy, potty learning, school, and life. You don’t have to break his spirit, or lord over him every minute, but he does need to learn that when he’s asked to do something he needs to do it. He doesn’t have to like it, but he does have to do it.

]]> By: Lanie http://naturemoms.com/blog/2009/04/10/toddler-troubles/#comment-11527 Lanie Thu, 16 Apr 2009 19:44:39 +0000 http://www.naturemoms.com/blog/?p=2587#comment-11527 A friend of mine has a little boy with motor-planning issues, including potty training and speech. One thing that has helped him is Omega 3 Fish oils, and lots of 'em, added to his diet. For some reason, his little brain wasn't absorbing enough of the essential oils Bottom line with the speech therapist is respect. If she doesn't treat your son with respect, he won't treat her with any either. Now is your chance to shine and show him that you will stick up for him and his rights, and when he is bigger he will insist also on being treated with respect. Hope things get easier for him and you can work things out with this therapy! A friend of mine has a little boy with motor-planning issues, including potty training and speech. One thing that has helped him is Omega 3 Fish oils, and lots of ‘em, added to his diet. For some reason, his little brain wasn’t absorbing enough of the essential oils

Bottom line with the speech therapist is respect. If she doesn’t treat your son with respect, he won’t treat her with any either. Now is your chance to shine and show him that you will stick up for him and his rights, and when he is bigger he will insist also on being treated with respect. Hope things get easier for him and you can work things out with this therapy!

]]> By: Mindy http://naturemoms.com/blog/2009/04/10/toddler-troubles/#comment-11526 Mindy Wed, 15 Apr 2009 15:24:41 +0000 http://www.naturemoms.com/blog/?p=2587#comment-11526 I agree with many points in these lovely and smart mom's (and dad's, yeah!) comments and I thought I would throw my two cents in there as well! Although I agree with your friend on the basics of her opinion, I'm not sure we share the same view on discipline. Discipline is necessary in parenting. We've all seen the children who do not get discipline in their lives and it is a sad and scary thing. HOWEVER, discipline needs to be age appropriate and loving. Discipline to me means guidance not force. Don't get me wrong! There are times when there is fits and hysteria, but I always try to keep those to a minimum. Picking your battles is always important. Offering my child choices is a great way to fulfill my role as her loving mom and her wants and needs as a child. We have been doing that since she was little. She has a very strong personality and I, too, do not want to "break" her spirit. I have expectations of her now that she is older (7 yrs.) and we talk about those expectations often. These expectations include being kind and considerate to others, helping around the house (chores), and doing the "right" thing. She recently got the Kindness Award in her school and was very proud of herself (as I was of her, of course!). I was proud of myself, too, I might add! I always emphasize pride in herself instead of me being proud of her as I believe that encourages her to think for herself and do whats right. My daughter knows she is my heart but that the world does NOT revolve around her. Not giving her the proper rules and guidance required would be a great disservice to her whole being, now and more importantly, in the future as she becomes an adult. That being said, mixing color paints is NOT, in any way, a discipline issue for a 3 year old (or any child or adult :)) in my opinion, and forcing the issue caused the reaction on his part. I hope that you will get the guidance and support you need to help him with his speech issues. It seems to me that the younger, less jaded therapists and teachers are the most enthusiastic, and willing to think outside the box. As far as the potty training, don't sweat it. I love the idea of putting the diaper on the potty, how cute! As my mother is fond of saying: "This, too, shall pass." It seems like such a big thing when you're in the thick of it, but it is a small thing in the grand scheme. He will get there! Best wishes!!! I agree with many points in these lovely and smart mom’s (and dad’s, yeah!) comments and I thought I would throw my two cents in there as well!
Although I agree with your friend on the basics of her opinion, I’m not sure we share the same view on discipline. Discipline is necessary in parenting. We’ve all seen the children who do not get discipline in their lives and it is a sad and scary thing. HOWEVER, discipline needs to be age appropriate and loving. Discipline to me means guidance not force. Don’t get me wrong! There are times when there is fits and hysteria, but I always try to keep those to a minimum. Picking your battles is always important. Offering my child choices is a great way to fulfill my role as her loving mom and her wants and needs as a child. We have been doing that since she was little. She has a very strong personality and I, too, do not want to “break” her spirit. I have expectations of her now that she is older (7 yrs.) and we talk about those expectations often. These expectations include being kind and considerate to others, helping around the house (chores), and doing the “right” thing. She recently got the Kindness Award in her school and was very proud of herself (as I was of her, of course!). I was proud of myself, too, I might add! I always emphasize pride in herself instead of me being proud of her as I believe that encourages her to think for herself and do whats right. My daughter knows she is my heart but that the world does NOT revolve around her. Not giving her the proper rules and guidance required would be a great disservice to her whole being, now and more importantly, in the future as she becomes an adult.
That being said, mixing color paints is NOT, in any way, a discipline issue for a 3 year old (or any child or adult :)) in my opinion, and forcing the issue caused the reaction on his part.
I hope that you will get the guidance and support you need to help him with his speech issues. It seems to me that the younger, less jaded therapists and teachers are the most enthusiastic, and willing to think outside the box.
As far as the potty training, don’t sweat it. I love the idea of putting the diaper on the potty, how cute! As my mother is fond of saying: “This, too, shall pass.” It seems like such a big thing when you’re in the thick of it, but it is a small thing in the grand scheme. He will get there!
Best wishes!!!

]]> By: Eileen http://naturemoms.com/blog/2009/04/10/toddler-troubles/#comment-11525 Eileen Tue, 14 Apr 2009 12:09:46 +0000 http://www.naturemoms.com/blog/?p=2587#comment-11525 Two observations from a fellow mom. Your speech therapist my hate me for this but I HIGHLY recommend Signing with your son until he becomes verbal. Counter to what most people think it does not stunt language development. It not only enhances it, it takes away a great deal of frustration for both you and your son since it gives him a way to communicate. We signed with both our kids and found it made our lives much more pleasant---especially at meal time. As for the potty training. I went through something similar with my now 4 year old. His older sister trained herself and I was just lost when it came to this little boy who had NO interest in using the potty. After thoroughly constipating himself in an effort to control the situation I just let go of trying to push it. It was one of the hardest things I ever had to do---I was so ready to be through with diapers. Once his bowels were back to normal he eventually came around to discovering that he preferred the potty and did it all himself. It was hard on me since it was a week before preschool and he couldn't go if not potty trained but I had to let him take the lead. All that said, you know your son---just do what works best for the two of you. Two observations from a fellow mom. Your speech therapist my hate me for this but I HIGHLY recommend Signing with your son until he becomes verbal. Counter to what most people think it does not stunt language development. It not only enhances it, it takes away a great deal of frustration for both you and your son since it gives him a way to communicate. We signed with both our kids and found it made our lives much more pleasant—especially at meal time.

As for the potty training. I went through something similar with my now 4 year old. His older sister trained herself and I was just lost when it came to this little boy who had NO interest in using the potty. After thoroughly constipating himself in an effort to control the situation I just let go of trying to push it. It was one of the hardest things I ever had to do—I was so ready to be through with diapers. Once his bowels were back to normal he eventually came around to discovering that he preferred the potty and did it all himself. It was hard on me since it was a week before preschool and he couldn’t go if not potty trained but I had to let him take the lead.

All that said, you know your son—just do what works best for the two of you.

]]> By: Momma http://naturemoms.com/blog/2009/04/10/toddler-troubles/#comment-11524 Momma Mon, 13 Apr 2009 19:35:43 +0000 http://www.naturemoms.com/blog/?p=2587#comment-11524 hi! My first thought when reading about the potty was put a diaper inside. He obviously connects going pee with his diaper so maybe just make sure he sees you putting one in his potty. And the therapist is a hard call. It seems like he is really on edge around her. Is there a way to try a new one? or are you stuck with her because of benefits or something? I wouldn't think he would get anything accomplished if he doesn't respond well to her. Anyways!! good luck with both! let us know what you try with both. :) I like hearing other people's solutions so I know for when I have to go through it. :) hi! My first thought when reading about the potty was put a diaper inside. He obviously connects going pee with his diaper so maybe just make sure he sees you putting one in his potty.

And the therapist is a hard call. It seems like he is really on edge around her. Is there a way to try a new one? or are you stuck with her because of benefits or something? I wouldn’t think he would get anything accomplished if he doesn’t respond well to her.

Anyways!! good luck with both! let us know what you try with both. :) I like hearing other people’s solutions so I know for when I have to go through it. :)

]]> By: Kim http://naturemoms.com/blog/2009/04/10/toddler-troubles/#comment-11523 Kim Sun, 12 Apr 2009 05:13:00 +0000 http://www.naturemoms.com/blog/?p=2587#comment-11523 Kids will go potty when they decide to. Not much we can do about it. I'm a mom of 3, 14 yrs of experience and very much Type A. Trust me, I know. He will start going when he is ready. Encourage and support, thats all you can do. Let it be when you need to. As far as the speech therapy and just about any other subject for that matter, you are the momma. You know whats best for him. You know it in your heart. Dont feel guilty or fall into the trap of what others say. I think we all know what a rebel you are anyway. Go with your gut. Mothers have a special gift. We know when something is wrong, we'll awake in the middle of the night..... We have a special intuition. Go with that! Kids will go potty when they decide to. Not much we can do about it. I’m a mom of 3, 14 yrs of experience and very much Type A. Trust me, I know. He will start going when he is ready. Encourage and support, thats all you can do. Let it be when you need to. As far as the speech therapy and just about any other subject for that matter, you are the momma. You know whats best for him. You know it in your heart. Dont feel guilty or fall into the trap of what others say. I think we all know what a rebel you are anyway. Go with your gut. Mothers have a special gift. We know when something is wrong, we’ll awake in the middle of the night….. We have a special intuition. Go with that!

]]> By: Heather http://naturemoms.com/blog/2009/04/10/toddler-troubles/#comment-11522 Heather Sun, 12 Apr 2009 01:51:17 +0000 http://www.naturemoms.com/blog/?p=2587#comment-11522 Hello, I have twin boys who turned 3 in February and also were/are in speech therapy. For potty training I went the cold turkey approach. We went straight to underwear a few weeks before they turned 3. Connor had 1 pee accident that day and then was totally going pee on the toilet from that day forward. Poop took us a month to get consistent with the toilet. Night we are still in diapers (just in case) but he does wake up dry most times. Cody didn't take off as well. He didn't care if he was wet and then was resistant to sitting on the potty. So, he is going at his own pace. We have an open bathroom policy and he cheers his brother on when he goes, lol. We do rountines with Cody. We wake up, we try, after meals we try, before and after bath we try. So that is helping. We have been blessed with great Developmental specialists. Our sessions were mostly free play with the child leading it and the DS working her therapy in as they played. Now, they are in a language based preschool program for 2 1/2 hrs a day 4 days a week. I don't know how long your sessions are with the therapist but it sounds like she is trying to fit in 2 1/2 hrs of therapy into a much shorter time frame by having him hop all over the place and do all these different activities. I don't blame Parker for freaking out. I'd be like enough, let me play! IMO, the therapist is overloading him with too many different things. Therapy was fun for my boys. As for the painting thing....our teacher was doing that same thing with the kids one day when I was in the class. IMO, I think it is to teach them to follow simple direction. I agree, art is expressive and creative, but there is a balance in life. Children need to be able to follow direction in certain settings. That is great that you are watching what the therapist is doing and incorporating that at home. She should be encouraging that and setting you up with tools to accomplish that at home. If the school systems therapists aren't working for you, would having a private therapist come to the home be an option? I really hope you all find a way to do this so that everyone is happy, especially Parker. Therapy shouldn't be miserable for the little guy. Hello, I have twin boys who turned 3 in February and also were/are in speech therapy. For potty training I went the cold turkey approach. We went straight to underwear a few weeks before they turned 3. Connor had 1 pee accident that day and then was totally going pee on the toilet from that day forward. Poop took us a month to get consistent with the toilet. Night we are still in diapers (just in case) but he does wake up dry most times. Cody didn’t take off as well. He didn’t care if he was wet and then was resistant to sitting on the potty. So, he is going at his own pace. We have an open bathroom policy and he cheers his brother on when he goes, lol. We do rountines with Cody. We wake up, we try, after meals we try, before and after bath we try. So that is helping. We have been blessed with great Developmental specialists. Our sessions were mostly free play with the child leading it and the DS working her therapy in as they played. Now, they are in a language based preschool program for 2 1/2 hrs a day 4 days a week. I don’t know how long your sessions are with the therapist but it sounds like she is trying to fit in 2 1/2 hrs of therapy into a much shorter time frame by having him hop all over the place and do all these different activities. I don’t blame Parker for freaking out. I’d be like enough, let me play! IMO, the therapist is overloading him with too many different things. Therapy was fun for my boys. As for the painting thing….our teacher was doing that same thing with the kids one day when I was in the class. IMO, I think it is to teach them to follow simple direction. I agree, art is expressive and creative, but there is a balance in life. Children need to be able to follow direction in certain settings. That is great that you are watching what the therapist is doing and incorporating that at home. She should be encouraging that and setting you up with tools to accomplish that at home. If the school systems therapists aren’t working for you, would having a private therapist come to the home be an option? I really hope you all find a way to do this so that everyone is happy, especially Parker. Therapy shouldn’t be miserable for the little guy.

]]> By: Angela http://naturemoms.com/blog/2009/04/10/toddler-troubles/#comment-11521 Angela Sat, 11 Apr 2009 22:54:17 +0000 http://www.naturemoms.com/blog/?p=2587#comment-11521 We are actually dealing with the same 2 issues at the moment. My little girl (almost 3) has speech issues and refuses to potty train. I am trying to not worry about the potty training, it will come in time. We "go" when she is willing but pushing definitely doesn't work. I don't want to do dislike even more than she already does. As far as speech therapy, we are hitting 2x's week. Once with the school district and one with a private therapist. They are both great and use the learning through play method. The therapist found out what my daughter was interested in, and then just works with her words with while they play. For example, giving her choices where she has to name the toy she wants - with the bed or the stove for the doll house. Good luck! We are actually dealing with the same 2 issues at the moment. My little girl (almost 3) has speech issues and refuses to potty train. I am trying to not worry about the potty training, it will come in time. We “go” when she is willing but pushing definitely doesn’t work. I don’t want to do dislike even more than she already does. As far as speech therapy, we are hitting 2x’s week. Once with the school district and one with a private therapist. They are both great and use the learning through play method. The therapist found out what my daughter was interested in, and then just works with her words with while they play. For example, giving her choices where she has to name the toy she wants – with the bed or the stove for the doll house. Good luck!

]]> By: Tiffany http://naturemoms.com/blog/2009/04/10/toddler-troubles/#comment-11520 Tiffany Sat, 11 Apr 2009 18:57:17 +0000 http://www.naturemoms.com/blog/?p=2587#comment-11520 Karey, we are going to go a few more times to give it a fair shake. We may also request a new therapist but my town is so small there are only 1-2 of them and they work together so that may not be a great idea if we want to stay on good terms with them. If it absolutely does not work out then I will be his therapist. I have been watching what they do and doing it at home and have been getting MUCH better results. I also might send him to preschool a couple days a week so he can interact with more kids that are not siblings. At this point I think we still have lots of options but your question is a very good one. Karey, we are going to go a few more times to give it a fair shake. We may also request a new therapist but my town is so small there are only 1-2 of them and they work together so that may not be a great idea if we want to stay on good terms with them. If it absolutely does not work out then I will be his therapist. I have been watching what they do and doing it at home and have been getting MUCH better results.

I also might send him to preschool a couple days a week so he can interact with more kids that are not siblings. At this point I think we still have lots of options but your question is a very good one.

]]> By: Karey http://naturemoms.com/blog/2009/04/10/toddler-troubles/#comment-11519 Karey Sat, 11 Apr 2009 18:34:07 +0000 http://www.naturemoms.com/blog/?p=2587#comment-11519 I'm not sure what you will do if he does not want to do the speech therapy? I mean, if he doesn't like it, then it won't work out right? How does an attachment parent stick to their method and still deal with special needs or issues? I'm stumped. I’m not sure what you will do if he does not want to do the speech therapy? I mean, if he doesn’t like it, then it won’t work out right? How does an attachment parent stick to their method and still deal with special needs or issues? I’m stumped.

]]> By: Shelly http://naturemoms.com/blog/2009/04/10/toddler-troubles/#comment-11518 Shelly Sat, 11 Apr 2009 16:48:53 +0000 http://www.naturemoms.com/blog/?p=2587#comment-11518 Since we've done EC, we use the ASL sign for potty. It has made a huge difference. I also noticed my little boy will grab his penis sometimes right before he goes. We also spent a lot of time letting him go commando or with just a pre-fold on and no cover to know right when he was going and so that he understood and made the connection too. I think you've probably read them, but as far as "making him listen" read 'Unconditional Parenting' by Alfie Kohn and 'How Children Learn' by John Holt. My husband and I feel the only time to make your child do something is when its what they really need to be doing or not doing. ie running with scissors, playing with the stove There's no reason to force them to do something just because its your will. ie color in the lines, eat your carrots first right now. I try to stop myself (and don't always succeed) when I find myself forcing my son to do something and I try to ask why it matters. Hope this helps and hope next weeks better. Since we’ve done EC, we use the ASL sign for potty. It has made a huge difference. I also noticed my little boy will grab his penis sometimes right before he goes. We also spent a lot of time letting him go commando or with just a pre-fold on and no cover to know right when he was going and so that he understood and made the connection too.

I think you’ve probably read them, but as far as “making him listen” read ‘Unconditional Parenting’ by Alfie Kohn and ‘How Children Learn’ by John Holt. My husband and I feel the only time to make your child do something is when its what they really need to be doing or not doing. ie running with scissors, playing with the stove There’s no reason to force them to do something just because its your will. ie color in the lines, eat your carrots first right now. I try to stop myself (and don’t always succeed) when I find myself forcing my son to do something and I try to ask why it matters.

Hope this helps and hope next weeks better.

]]> By: Laura http://naturemoms.com/blog/2009/04/10/toddler-troubles/#comment-11517 Laura Sat, 11 Apr 2009 14:15:52 +0000 http://www.naturemoms.com/blog/?p=2587#comment-11517 My little boy didn't get potty trained until he was 3 years 4 months. Before that he would fuss if I even tried to sit him on the toilet. What worked to get him interested was a reward system( I know some may not like this approach). I made a chart and at first he would get a sticker just for being willing to sit on the potty. Gradually we moved up the expectations. When he filled his chart he got a "surprise". The first chart had fewer squares, so the reward would come more quickly. Over time I added more squares to the chart. I kept cloth diapers on him this whole time. Eventually he was using the potty, but still wetting a little in his diapers. I was starting to get frustrated with that and just showed him big boy underwear. He wanted to wear it, so we switched. After an accident or two he realized if he didn't want his pants to get wet, he had to exclusively use the potty. After a couple weeks "training" and then after that putting on underwear, he's done great. We kept doing diapers at bedtime. Once he was wearing underwear during the day and doing fine, I told him if he kept his diaper dry for a while at night then he could switch to underwear then too and he did. I think this all worked for us b/c he was ready. Good luck! He'll get there. My little boy didn’t get potty trained until he was 3 years 4 months. Before that he would fuss if I even tried to sit him on the toilet. What worked to get him interested was a reward system( I know some may not like this approach). I made a chart and at first he would get a sticker just for being willing to sit on the potty. Gradually we moved up the expectations. When he filled his chart he got a “surprise”. The first chart had fewer squares, so the reward would come more quickly. Over time I added more squares to the chart. I kept cloth diapers on him this whole time. Eventually he was using the potty, but still wetting a little in his diapers. I was starting to get frustrated with that and just showed him big boy underwear. He wanted to wear it, so we switched. After an accident or two he realized if he didn’t want his pants to get wet, he had to exclusively use the potty. After a couple weeks “training” and then after that putting on underwear, he’s done great. We kept doing diapers at bedtime. Once he was wearing underwear during the day and doing fine, I told him if he kept his diaper dry for a while at night then he could switch to underwear then too and he did. I think this all worked for us b/c he was ready. Good luck! He’ll get there.

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