This week the Green Moms Weekly Question addresses opposition from family and friends when you take the more granola path as a parent. The question is “What type of topics in natural parenting cause opposition among family and friends and how do you handle it?”
I think this is a really awesome question because it can be very polarizing for some people. Personally though I have had very little negative response to my parenting choices, so I count myself lucky. There are numerous places were ones parenting choices can rub people the wrong way and incite negativity and bickering amongst family and friends though. Here are some of the more sensitive issues in my mind.
Breastfeeding – Natural moms are more likely to breastfeeding exclusively and for extended periods of time. Because breastmilk is at the forefront for a long period of time this means breastfeeding in public is often times just part of the package. Baby needs to eat when baby need to eat right? I was an unabashed public breastfeeder myself and I never once had an issue with anyone making negative comments from family, friends, or even strangers. In fact whenever chain restaurants made the news for being anti-breastfeeding I would often stage my own nurse-ins by making a special trip just to breastfeed in their place of business. I wasn’t trying to be disrespectful of anyone but I did want to do my part to make breastfeeding something that people recognized as completely normal and acceptable.
Vaccines – Lots of natural parents choose not to vaccinate because of the potential side effects and all the horrendous ingredients in the vaccines themselves. I have had no trouble from other moms and my own family totally supports my choice in this matter. I have had trouble with doctors though and I do my best to show them that I am not some patsy they can push around. I am an intelligent mom who is making an informed decision and they will not change my mind.
Positive Discipline and Attachment Parenting– This can be a biggie within families sometimes. Chances are your parents or grandparents may have been raised in a family where the belt handled discipline problems or where children were supposed to be seen and not heard. This can cause issues when you decide to choose respectful and peaceful parenting. It can get even stickier if you have a child with “issues” such as autism, hyperactivity, sensory problems, etc. Those problems were just not around so much back when our parents and grandparents were having kids so their can be lots of misunderstandings. I had few issues but if I did I only had to remember that my husband and I alone were the ones that knew our children through and through. What total strangers or extended family thought was of little consequence.
Homeschooling and Unschooling – This issue isn’t unique to natural parents by any means but lots of attached, green, natural parents are choosing to homeschool. This can be a big problem for some of our family and friends who think we are somehow doing a disservice to our children’s education by going this route. I cannot say I had total support when I chose to homeschool my oldest but in all honesty I can admit he wasn’t being best served by a home education, it was just the best we could do with what we had available at the time. But I feel for parents who struggle with negativity from friends and families about their educational choices because it can be an amazing and joyful experience for parent and child, AND they can get a great education, despite what critics say.
Cloth Diapering – When you tell people you use cloth diapers it is not uncommon to hear “Ew! Gross!” My own mom thought I was a little nuts when I told her I planned to cloth diaper my second baby but she was a quick convert when she saw how easy it was and how cool and modern cloth diapers had become. Plus I ended up sewing my own diapers and starting a very successful diaper business. I even hired her a seamstress on occasion and she became my biggest champion so it all worked out. Still it helps to have a nice diaper on hand when you tell people you cloth diaper so that you can turn those “Ews” to “Aaahs”.
Cry It Out – Mainstream parenting advice seems to favor letting your babies cry themselves to sleep. Of course it does. We live in society where mom’s convenience is prized as the most important thing but I didn’t become a mom to put all my own needs first so I never let my babies cry it out. Whenever someone gave me the advice to just let my baby cry I would tell them I am one of those newfangled “get off your butt” parents. There was little they could say after that one.
Co-Sleeping – This can be sticky too. Many people will advise parents to never let their babies into their bed or they will never get them out. All 3 of my babes slept in my bed and my nearly 6 year old still does. I have few worries (okay, no worries) that he will still be there when he is a teenager. I am not sure why co-sleeping bothers some people but I just laughed it off if anyone made comments to me.
Natural Childbirth – I think I only had one family member comment on my intention to have a natural birth and I think that comment was actually a defense of their own choice to have drugs. I wish more moms realized that it isn’t a competition. If I choose the natural route that doesn’t have anything to do with you and your choices. I say stand by your choices and make your own positive body message be heard but just realize that some will view it as criticism of their choices.
Anyway… your turn! What natural choices have you made that rocked the boat with your friends or family?
Find out how green moms Carrie and Rachel answered this question as well.
Sunday, November 13th, 2011