I have some brutally honest words to share with you today and for some of you, it will not be the easiest thing to read and come to grasp with. I know, I have been on the other end before and thought…”Geez…what do they know! They don’t know me or what I struggle with!”
I’m sharing this because it’s important to me to see you succeed and to make a real positive change in your life and your level of courage and self-confidence. I hate when women are down on each other when we should be lifting each other up. We should be swarming around each other in a circle of love and helping each other realize our life’s dreams. Why can’t that be reality? It can, but we first need to take a long look in the mirror and realize we have some things we need to address about ourselves. Many of us struggle with positivity. We struggle with a very bad habit, complaining.
Complaining Does You No Good
I get it. It feels good to complain and let off a little steam from time to time. We ladies often times love to talk and communicate and if we are stressed or unhappy then of course we want to talk about (or complain about) all the things that are making us feel this way. I’m not saying you should never complain and I’m not saying that there isn’t a time and a place when you should launch a legitimate complaint. What I’m trying to tell you is that it’s often a waste of time to whine and complain about your situation. Complaining without action and a desire to bring about change does you no good and actually hurts your self-confidence. When you focus on complaining, you’re embracing the role of a victim and that’s not a powerful role at all. It’s a passive, accepting what’s dealt to you kind of role.
Stop it right now. Don’t be the victim anymore. Be the one who sees a problem and says “I am going to fix this”.
Here’s What I Want You To Focus On Instead
When you stop putting energy into complaining you have a lot more time and energy for productive things. Instead of complaining, I want you to channel that energy into taking action and making a difference. For example, instead of complaining that your kids never clean their room, get in there with them and create a system. Find out why they are having a hard time keeping a clean room clean. Is it clutter? Is it overwhelm due to too many possessions? Are other activities like screen time and sports zapping their desire or energy to keep a tidy room? Take a long hard look at all the potential issues and fix them. Take the time to teach them how to clean their room. Going forward, make them responsible for keeping it tidy and make sure there are consequences when it doesn’t happen. Taking the time to investigate the whys, plan some new strategies, and enact a new system can save you from future frustrations.
Taking action and doing something about the circumstances or things you don’t like is very empowering. Think back on a time when you’ve taken a stand or done something to change your situation instead of complaining about it. I bet your confidence went through the roof once you started talking action. Why? Because you felt POWERFUL.
When our kids come to us with a problem they are having at school with another student or perhaps a teacher we don’t just listen to their complaint and then do nothing. We ask questions, we discern why these issues are arising, we offer suggestions, and we offer our help. They are unhappy and we want to help them resolve that. Yet when problems arise for us or something makes us unhappy we often times resign ourselves to complaining rather than finding a way to fix it. We need to show ourselves that same love and care we show for our children.
From here on out, I want you to think of complaining as your clue to take action. When you hear yourself complain about something, or when you start thinking about complaining, stop and ask yourself what you can do about it. What can you do to change and improve the situation? Not only is it much more productive use of your time and energy than whining and complaining, it is also a great way to build your courage and self-confidence.
A good place to start: The 5 Second Rule: Transform Your Life, Work, and Confidence with Everyday Courage