October is attachment parenting (AP) month. You may or may not be familiar with this style of parenting but many green, natural, crunchy, granola parenting types are. It seems to mesh really well with lots of the other things we hold dear. A group of green/natural mom bloggers have recently gotten together to form a weekly column called Green Moms Weekly and the first question that was posed to the group honors attachment parenting month. The question is “How do you balance your busy lifestyle and manage to keep a focus on attachment parenting?”

For me, AP it is about letting my mommy instincts direct my actions. As a younger mom I loved to hold my babes close to me and breastfeed. I let them do this until they were ready to stop, to honor their need for this closeness and because I knew that breastmilk was the best nourishment for them. My mommy instincts also told me to go to my babies when they cried and that is what I did, ALWAYS. I never listened to mainstream advice that babies need to be on schedules and that letting them cry alone will teach them independence. I let them sleep with me as long as they wanted because it was easier on both of us. Mainstream advice that declares you will never get kids out of your bed once you let them in is just a bunch of hogwash.  When my kidlets cried and wanted to be held when I needed to make dinner of do some other chore, wearing them on my back allowed me to meet their need for attention AND get my work done. When they misbehaved I knew that deciding I didn’t want to strike them wasn’t going to result in a brat… despite what all the “spare the rod, spoil the child” folks had to say. For me AP is all about listening to my instincts and my heart.

So why the question about how to balance a busy lifestyle and still be an attachment parent? Well, AP is “get off your butt parenting” in my mind. The contrary advice to let kids cry it out, stick them in bouncing seat when you need to do dishes, spank them when they run into the street, and give them a more convenient bottle is all a way to make parenting easier for us, but not necessarily better or easier for the child. An attached parent will likely create a family bed so that everyone can sleep together. They will wear their babies in a wrap or hold them instead of delegating that duty to a swing or bouncy seat. They breastfeed and/or pump well into the toddler years because it is important to their child and it is the best source of nutrition. They will be supervising their child closely so that the running into the street moment can be used to gently teach and coach. In fact they anticipated that moment because they have gotten good at reading their child. Because they always use their words instead of their hands… their kids respond well to reasoning. Hitting becomes a senseless and irrational choice.

Attachment parenting is very involved parenting, and for that reason it can sometimes conflict with the more hurried pace of lives today. I don’t know that what works for us will work or other attached parents but I know we have made many very conscious decisions to slow our pace of life and give our kids the attention they need and desire. Being too busy for attachment parenting isn’t an issue when you simply make sure you are never too busy. We wanted to stay attached at the heart AND live our best lives. I became a stay at home mom so that I could be the primiary caregiver for our kids. This allowed me to breastfeed exclusively and for extended periods of time. I chose natural childbirth for my last two births and we kept interventions to a minimum so that bonding and breastfeeding could happen immediately after birth. I wore two of my babies in slings and wraps and all of them slept in bed with me. My 5 year still does quite often. We decided early on to always try and use positive discipline methods and to respect our kids. We tried to find ways to meet everyone’s needs simultaneously and sometimes that was a lot of work.

Balance was much harder when our kids were young because very often we had to compromise and make sure their needs were met first and foremost. Their need to co-sleep trumped my need for not getting kicked in the stomach at night. Their inability to handle the excitement of traveling meant we had a staycation instead of a vacation. My husband’s need for a sane, well rested wife was trumped by the needs of a small infant who who used me as an all day milk buffet, which meant I was often hormonal and tired. I guess I feel that when our children are young they should be the priority. Aka breast feeding even if your dog tired or co-sleeping even when you’d rather have your husband all to yourself. As my kids get older I think they benefit more from seeing parents who love themselves, take care of themselves, and have varied interests that they actively pursue. I also think it is important for them to see that their parents prioritize each other too. As they get older they benefit less from having a shadow to meet their every need and more from seeing good examples of others doing and living for themselves. We don’t tell them how to live, we just live, and we let them watch. So in terms of priority for the first five or so years of their lives it was all about them. Now the priority list looks somewhat different but it works well because the foundation was so well laid, they are happy independent kids that are accepting of that much needed shift.

To keep things balanced and attached now, we mostly just have to listen. We listen to them daily, carving out certain times that are distraction free, and we stay attached by staying in the loop. We help with homework and we stay connected to teachers. We homeschool when or if we need to. We put our family before “things” and “stuff” so this means we work as little as we can and make do with less. Our kids may have fewer toys and electronic gadgets than the kids next door but we have more time to spend with them. We have a neighbor child who is always bragging about her toys and video games, trying to goad my children but then every weekend this same child looks at us longingly as we pull out of the drive to go apple picking, to a Pumpkin Festival, to a movie, or to some other local event that her own parents don’t have time for. I know how lucky we are and I think our kids do to. Balance is about spending time doing activities with them and yet allowing them to pursue their own independent activities when they need and want to. For us it is also about knowing which child needs a bit more attention and giving it to them. Since we have two a-typical kids… one with some severe developmental and speech delays and one with high functioning autism, it is helps greatly to be flexible and unhurried in our daily lives.

For us, life during these years of their development is less about balance and more about figuring out how to stay tuned in to them as we ALL become more independent and find new priorities and interests. I am sure it will be no less exciting than the baby and toddler years. In fact I am sure it will be even more so because with older kids it really does feel like we are all in this together… this wild and crazy journey called life.

Leave a comment to tell me how you stay connected to your kids in this fast paced life and be sure to visit the other Green Moms Weekly to read about how they answered this question. Enjoy!

Welcome to my first ever podcast!!! I am happy to bring you the Natural Family Living Podcast, a talk radio podcast for the natural mom and environmentally friendly parent. I hope to make this a semi-regular occurrence from now on and cover a variety of topics including green family values, environmental concerns, natural parenting, organic and sustainable living, and natural health and wellness.

My guest this week is Lynn Colwell who is one half of the mother-daughter team whose passion is to help people green up their celebrations. This is the amazing duo that brought Green Halloween to us and they have recently written a WONDERFUL book with information and tips for greening all of our celebrations and special family traditions. It has ideas for Easter, Christmas, Mother’s Day…all the celebrations that are so near and dear to us…that perhaps aren’t so green. I have read the book and it was amazingly helpful and think all green enthusiasts should have it.

Lynn and I discuss why we need to green these occasions, what celebration is the worst offender and what we can do about it, why food choices are big part of it, and we discuss one of the common gifts that really bothers me…conflict diamonds. Have a listen and let me know what you thought!

Also make sure to visit the Celebrate Green website for some tips not found in the book and you can buy the book on Amazon.

Enjoy!

Step right up! Enjoy the carnival! This is the fourth edition of the Carnival of Natural Family Living and just as I suspected this is turning out to be a large carnival. We have some great submissions to highlight so without further ado…..

Naturally Healthy

Carole Fogarty of The Healthy Living Lounge gives us an idea for letting go of stresses and worries in Calm your mind and “unplug” your stresses, worries and concerns in two and half minutes.

Natural Book Reviews

Our greenie from the UK, Mel at Bean Sprouts, reviewed the book Fruits of the Hedgerow. This is a book that discusses some common British fruits and seeds and inlcudes alot of yummy recipes. She also wrote a very interesting post about the ginger beer plant.

Natural Mom & Baby

Melanie at Motherverse writes about Breastfeeding in Public and Blurring of the Breast.  This great article disccusses attitudes about breastfeeding in times past and shares some great pictures of breastfeeding mothers during the depression and post war era. She also shares an amusing post about her son called Boob Man.

George at Man and His Baby (a very funny blog BTW) shares his list of places you should not breastfeed.

Awesome Mom has been knitting up a storm at Our Family Village.

Julie at Baby Development share the Benefits of Breastfeeding.

Safbaby has a poist on the unbelievable nurturing effects of baby massage.

Green Love Letters

Todd at We the Change gives us some ideas on green power in A Simple Way to Make Your Home Green.

Andy at Money Walks shared the results of his Car Gas Experiment.

Keyboard Culture Global Warming has a great article about finding the opportunity to build a brand new green home after a Florida hurricane.

Jon at The DC Traveler reminds me that I had to change my plans recently and will no longer be able to attend the DC Green Festival in a few days. Thanks Jon! ;)

The Natural Homestead

Stephanie at Adventures in the 100 Acre Wood tells why she is glad she isn’t in Little House on the Prairie. It was great getting a glimpse of a more self sufficient home.

I posted last week about Jenny McCarthy’s appearance on Oprah and her new book Louder than Words. If you missed it, Jenny shared how vaccines played a part in her son’s autism and how she was determined to help him recover from this condition. This morning I was reminded of this topic again…twice.

First, I watched Jenny again on The View. It was another good interview. She talked about vaccines and the possibility of recovery for the autistic yet again. I did find Barbara Walters a bit irritating when she kept arguing with Jenny’s explanation of how autism can be reversible. Whoopi Goldberg too was a little too quick to butt in and tell parents that Jenny’s experience should not motivate parents to decline vaccines. BUT overall, this was another great message for parents.

Then, I sat down to listen to Carrie’s natural mom podcast in which she interviewed the author of The Boy in the Window, a book about the author’s son and his traumatic injury after a DPT vaccine. It was a great interview and I plan to read this book very soon.

These two interviews this morning got me thinking about my own experiences with this issue. When I posted last week about Jenny’s interview on Oprah I got several comments that implied that mercury is the scapegoat that moms who oppose vaccines are targeting and that in our folly we are overlooking the fact that autism rates have not decreased since mercury (thermisol) has been systematically removed from most vaccines. That means vaccines can’t be contributing to autism right?

I was irritated by the comments. While I do believe that mercury has no place in vaccines let us not overlook the fact that vaccines are full of other chemicals too and these chemicals work together to overwhelm the immune system. Just look at the fact that “some” doctors will refuse to vaccinate children who are ill. Why is this? Because they know that these chemicals can overwhelm their already weakened immune system. But why is that they don’t care to know if their immune system can handle the vaccine even if they are NOT currently displaying symptoms of illness? Why is it that they do not consider that previous vaccines may have in fact compromised their immune systems and that further vaccinations could be harmful? We may never know.

What exactly is in a vaccine? Try some of these on for size…formaldehyde, aluminum hydroxide, aluminum phosphate, ammonium sulfate, formalin, and monosodium glutamate (MSG) to name a few. These are chemicals and heavy metals for cripes sake! If you look up some of these chemicals you will see that they are labeled hazardous and toxic. How in God’s green earth we can possibly think that these ingredients have NO effect when packaged in a vaccination shot? How can we think that cumulative exposure is not dangerous…especially combined with all the other exposures that occur in daily life? I like the comment left by one of my readers on another post: If you think these things are not dangerous…you are living in “Fantasy Land”.

When I share my opinions about the danger of vaccines I do not isolate the MMR shot or mercury as the cause of autism or other typical vaccine related injuries. The MMR is NOT the only shot that is dangerous and mercury is only of one many dangerous ingredients. I have researched this issue for 11 years now and I am 100% confident in my decision to deny all vaccinations for my children at this time.

Usually around this time I tell people that it was my son’s own vaccine injury that led me to where I am now. I did mention a bit about his story a few weeks back and I got several personal emails from a couple moms who basically said that what happened to my son was unfortunate but I could NEVER prove vaccines caused his injury and therefore I shouldn’t publicly declare that they did. One woman even implied that he was an acceptable loss for a product that otherwise does a lot of good in the world. I am horrified that moms can have this attitude about child safety. The picture below is my son after a vaccine injury. He is in ICU.

My journey really began on day two of my son’s life. His birth was pretty easy and when I had finished laboring I had a perfect little boy in my arms. He was calm and curious right from the start. He had many guests that day and all marveled at how serious he looked and how he didn’t cry at all. He slept in a bassinet next to my bed in perfect peace and he breastfed immediately and without trouble.

Then on day two the nurses came to get him and give him a Hepatitis B shot. At the time I had no reason to think I should not give consent. I knew nothing about vaccines except the fact that Doctors tell you need them and schools require them. Had I known he was being vaccinated against a sexually transmitted disease I might have questioned it but I am not sure. :(

The baby they brought back to me was not the same baby they left with. This was not my calm, serene baby. This baby cried furiously, refused to fall asleep in the bassinet, or even be put down. I joked several times that we had a baby mix-up going on here but I tried to dismiss all thoughts that maybe…just maybe the vaccine did this. One day wasn’t really enough time to know if there had been a REAL change in his behavior right?

When I brought him home he had to sleep in the crook of my arm to be able to go to sleep. You could not put him down for even a moment or he would scream. Family members had to help with the constant holding and since I rarely got a break…or any decent sleep…I gave up on breastfeeding after only 4 months…a decision I regretted.

He went in for more shots at 2 months and 4 months old. Each time he would become sick for an extended period of time but his Doctors assured me that I did not need to worry. He was sick so often that I decided to delay his six month vaccinations until he was 10 months old…at which time he got a DTP shot. This is shot changed our lives forever. :(

He became very ill after the shot with a high fever that lasted for days. The doctors kept telling me it was normal. When his fever jumped to 104 degrees I got in the car with him and went to the emergency room. In the triage they confirmed his fever and sent us out to the waiting room. I sat and held my son and began to notice something strange. I can’t explain it other than to say that I felt that he was leaving me. He was gradually loosing eye contact and alertness and his eyes and arms were ever so slightly twitching. When I started snapping my fingers in front of him and he didn’t respond I freaked out. I ran into the triage and told them something was terribly wrong and described what I was seeing. A young nurse scooped him up and took him into a nearby room and began examining him. He also tried to get my son’s attention and when it didn’t work I could see panic on his face. Then my son’s twitches turned into a full blown, violent seizure. The nurse got on the intercom and called for immediate assistance. Two other people came and they wheeled him into another room. I stood just outside trying to see what was going on and I recall that they told me they were going to give him an anti-seizure medication and then one of them ran outside and yelled to all the medical staff, “we need to bag him!” He had gone into respiratory arrest. His room filled with about 10 people and they ushered me away.

Fearing the worst I called my husband at the nurse’s station but I couldn’t even get the words out…I could only cry into the phone. A nurse had to give him the details because I couldn’t. After he got there they explained to both of us that our son was being air-lifted to a hospital that could handle this type of situation. We had to follow in our car and over the next week he stayed in the hospital with the first days being in ICU on a ventilator.

I knew in my heart what had caused this and when I asked the treating neurologist about it…he would only say that I should trust my instincts. He wouldn’t give absolute confirmation but he wanted me to know that I was right. At a later time he would tell me that my son was not a good candidate for any further vaccinations. I also found out that my son most likely had an immune disorder at the time he got that last vaccination and really should have never received it. But medical professionals do not currently check things like that. Vaccines are one size fits all.

Unfortunately for my son this information was too late. He had many more violent seizures and he ended up with mild brain damage and since his seizures would not stop they decided to start medicating him for epilepsy at age 5 after he almost fell down a flight of stairs during a seizure. I was not happy about medicating him but I did take comfort in the fact they said it didn’t have to be permanent and that I could evaluate alternative therapies in the mean time.

In between these two events though I became pregnant again and the issue of vaccines came up on a discussion board. I was horrified to find that I still wasn’t committed to denying all vaccines for my new baby….perhaps rationalizing that my son’s case had been unique. Another mom suggested that I retrain myself and start researching vaccine injuries. I did and I found that my son’s case was not unusual. There are thousands upon thousands of children that have been harmed by vaccines. And alarmingly I found even more confirmation that vaccines had caused my son’s injury when I found hundreds of stories just like his.

By the time my second child was born I was confident in my choice to decline all vaccines. Of course that is only half the battle. Sticking to your guns on the issue can be challenging because I met with many moms and doctors that were down right militant when I expressed my opinion on the issue. They act as though they know what is best for your child and they hope to shake some sense into you so you can be the good, vaccinating parent your child deserves. They dismiss all protests that vaccines can injure children by talking about how the statistics show that the number adversely affected is so small it barely matters…..yeah right…unless you are the parent of one of those insignificant statistics. And of course they talk about all the good that vaccines do, ignoring the fact that many other factors besides vaccinations have contributed to a decline in these diseases. But if you stick you your guns…it gets easier to deal with these people.

Contrary to what others might say I do not write about these things to convince other parents that vaccines are bad and that they need to deny them. I just want other parents to know that there is risk involved. I would “think” that most parents would want to know about that. I believe in informed consent. Tell all parents both sides of the issue….the good, the bad, and the ugly, and allow them to choose for themselves. Right now most parents are only getting one half of the whole story and they are basing their decision to vaccinate on that incomplete data. Tell them that there are risks!!!

If they still decide to vaccinate that is fine…at least they know the whole story and they made a conscious decision. I will not fault them for their decision at all. I just hope that they can see why I and many other parents decided that the risk was too great and respect our decision as we respect theirs. Meanwhile I share my son’s story to help other moms see that there is another side to this issue that many don’t want you to know about. It is your right as a parent to know the whole truth.

So how is my son doing today? Much better! We have made a lot of changes in our lifestyle to eliminate further chemical exposure, we have made many dietary changes, and we have learned to adjust. I am happy to say that I after the changes we made I was confident that he could function without the epilepsy medication. Call it mother’s intuition. :) I was right. He was taken off meds after 6 months and he has had no seizures. His weight loss has reversed itself and he is at a much healthier weight now and he no longer scratches his arms until they are a mass of bleeding wounds. It has been a long road but we are seeing a light at the end of the tunnel. I now realize that we were not one of the unlucky ones. We were one of the lucky ones.

Update 11/20011 – This past year my son was diagnosed (finally) with high functioning autism at the age of 11. Was it the vaccine, even if not the infamous MMR? I don’t know. It really doesn’t matter much. All I know is that daily life is a struggle and I still think we were one of the lucky ones.

I got a great response form readers about my cheapskate series which addressed living naturally and frugally at the same time. I got many emails from moms who liked the information on budget beauty, pregnancy on the cheap, and garage sale decorating. Some of these articles were picked up by blog carnivals like The Festival of Frugality.

The response really opened my eyes to how important money matters are to most moms and natural and green moms are no exception. That is why I thought you might be interested in a new podcast for moms called…Moms Money. The show talks about money matters from a mom perspective and talks about issues like saving money, eliminating, debt, budgeting, and evaluating where your money goes among others. Last week the one of the show hosts, Kelly, talked about how using credit cards can be bad for your budget AND your waist line. That really hit home for me because I was a fast food addict at one point in my life and I cannot even believe now how many thousands of dollars I spent on junk food. It angers me to think about it!

This week the show addresses an all too common occurence in many households…not really knowing where the heck your money went. I know I have been there…how about you?

I think you will like the show so go ahead and check it out and be on the lookout for Carrie Lauth, one of the show hosts AND a natural mom too. :) You can listen to the show right from your computer or download to listen to it later and even listen to it on a mp3 player or iPod. Let me know what you think!