We all have our moments with the “green police”, the environmental enthusiasts that want to make you feel bad because you are not nearly as perfect as they are. You might also run into moms (or dads) that are so consumed with the safest things, the most educational toys, the best of this and that…and the apparent lack of such concern (according to them of course) in your house that you almost feel like you are guilty of child neglect. It is mommy guilt and it is destructive. I have also been thinking about it a lot lately.
Last week when I wrote about the 20 dangers for children I got many comments and some were from mothers who were a little upset with me. But from what I could glean from the comments themselves and the private emails that followed was that they were not upset because they felt I was making bad or dangerous decisions for my children or even that I was being an alarmist (as some of their comments suggested). I think they were experiencing some of that mommy guilt and they wanted to take it out on me.
I knew when I wrote that post that it was going to be controversial but I did it anyway and I “thought” I did it in a manner that was far more gentle than the original author. I was happy to see that some moms were discussing both articles on a community forum and were saying just the same. They felt that the original article was very militant and it turned them off. It aimed to make them feel guilty and it made some moms mad. I also managed to do the same although not by intent. For that I am sorry because mommy guilt is everywhere and you don’t need any more from me.
I thought it might be fun to fess up now and tell you ALL of my dirty little secrets that “could” make me feel guilty. But really there are too many to list. I have many “green” imperfections and many aspects of my life that could use a natural makeover. In fact, I often refer to some of my habits as “sage” because they are not quite green but I am working on them. But let me let YOU in on a little secret of mine. I don’t feel guilty about it. Sure I have my moments…who doesn’t…but overall I realize that striving for perfection is just going to discourage me and be counter productive in the end. The green police and the mommy police can “bite me” as my husband would say.
Yesterday when I bought some pretzel bites and cream cheese from a mall vendor…they were oh so good with their white, processed flour and non-organic room temperature cream cheese. I hardly ever eat them so I wasn’t about to feel guilty about it. Of course when my toddler and I both experienced some intense…uh…digestive issues later on, I did feel that twinge of guilt, especially where my son was concerned. BUT for the most part guilt just makes feel like I am failing as a mom and I know in my heart that nothing is further from the truth, so why entertain doubts? Motherhood is nothing if not a journey and so is moving to a more green, natural, healthy, or sustainable lifestyle.
I remember an email I got about six months ago. One gentleman said that my blog was laughable with all the disreputable companies I promote, products that are not fair trade, and in general I was just not the “green” person I claimed to be. First of all I told him to stop peeking in my windows. ;) Then I told him that green living is a journey and I seek to address that gradual process in my blog. If that were not my stance then I might have titled my blog “Looking Down My Perfect Nose at You”. I guess I was feeling saucy that day because I suggested that maybe he start that particular blog.
It is just not possible, for me at least, to address every single object in my house and switch it out for the more green and natural version. I don’t have that kind of money. So I do what I can when I can, saving up for bigger ticket items, and prioritizing based upon environmental impact, health issues, availability, and cost. I research everything under the sun and I make changes where I can. And sometimes I get lazy or bogged down with life and I go backwards a bit but that is okay with me…no guilt, no apologies. Or at least I try my best to allay those feelings of guilt. ;)
So what is YOUR take on green guilt or mommy guilt in general? Do you let it get to you?
