Last night my hubby and I watched Supernanny. Yes, we do watch a little of TV and I actually really like the show Supernanny….I think Jo Frost (aka the nanny) has some awesome ideas about parenting peacefully. Of course now I risk the lambasting I got last time I mentioned a TV show…when I got a seething email from a reader who said she couldn’t read the blog of a loathsome TV watcher.
So….I was quite upset by the show last night. The parents on the show were predictably clueless as is normal for the show but these parents we cruel too. I was shocked when the father screamed at his two year old and hit him in the head with a fork. I was irked when the mother let her five year old leave the home unattended without even bothering to check to see where he went. I was saddened to see the boys play video games that were marked M for Mature and which made recreation of murder and crime. I was about ready to strangle that mom though when she decided to make her oldest son eat liquid soap after he said “butt crack”. She made him open his mouth and he got a squirt of liquid soap, right down his throat.
Now mind you they allow these boys to play video games were swearing is commonplace and they even swear at their boys but saying butt crack I guess is an offense worthy of drinking poison I guess. I could not believe it.
Liquid soaps have so many chemicals in them it is outrageous…especially the antibacterial varieties. I just can’t fathom making a child consume chemicals as punishment for anything. The Supernanny also couldn’t believe it and she asked the mom rhetorically “Are you insane?!” She also implied that punishing a child in such a way expresses a conditional love. Jo also offered some of the soap to mom…because surely if she would have her kids eat soap then she wouldn’t have an issue with eating it to.
Well, the mom bugged out, said she didn’t see what the big deal was and stormed out of the house. She has some nasty things to say about Jo and didn’t want to continue the show. She also refused to eat the soap herself, saying “it’s not alright for me”. They did finish the show but you could see that things were strained and tense from that point on. I felt horrible for those boys after the show.
I know the “washing of the mouth” with soap thing was a popular parenting technique of long ago and perhaps I would not have had such an issue if it were relatively non-toxic bar soap but liquid soap??
Personally I wouldn’t do it. For one thing liquid soap is chock full of dangerous chemicals and kids have no business ingesting it. Second, I find that I don’t like to deal with kids in a manner that I cannot be proud of. If I can’t or won’t treat an adult in a certain manner (hitting them, slapping them, forcing them to eat soap) then I won’t treat a child that way either. In my family the principle of equality is very important. The thoughts, feelings, and needs of each individual (parent or child) is equally valued and equally considered. Golden rule parenting dictates that I give the respect I hope to get back.
My hubby on the other hand was not so mortified by the soap incident. Until I mentioned the chemicals in liquid soap he didn’t bat an eye. What are your thoughts?
It is absolutely not ok! Even in the olden days I don’t believe kids were forced to EAT the soap, they literally had their mouth washed out (key word) with soap.
Actually, when I was young, I’m talking 4 to 10 years old, if I cussed I had to take a bite of a bar of soap and chew it. I was allowed to spit it out after 3 chews but it was still terrible. I remember when I got older and refused to bite and chew or if it was a thick bar I’d have to bite down and my mom would pull it out and make it scrape shavings off on my teeth. I think making your children eat soap, or even wash their mouth’s out with it is terribly cruel. I’m 20 and I will NOT keep bar soap in my home, I never used it when living with my parents and would only ever use body wash in bottles. And btw any kid who had to wash their mouth out with soap knows that even if you spit it out, you still swallow some.
I think that’s horrible! Back when people used to wash mouths out with soap on a more common basis, I think there was less knowledge about the toxicity of it, and…they weren’t swallowing it.
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I am actually surprised you ask if a little soap was okay. Because, really, who in their right mind would do such a thing?
I have a hard time watching those shows; they make me sad because they are just a small percentage of families that are painfully dysfunctional.
Enjoy the blog.
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the show broke my heart and you just know nothing will change in that household….and we wonder why our kids are so violent…take a look at how those boys are being raised. they aren’t the only family like that i’m sure.
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Good point lovelilacs…I am sure that in most cases they spit out the soap after a “washing” and were not required to swallow it….I hope.
Sounds like a case of do as I say not do as I do. Some people need to really think about what they are doing before they become parents.
I don’t care how small the amount of soap is. If the mom wouldn’t do it, then the kids shouldn’t do it. Hands down. And you know we think that these shows only show a small % of wacky families, but lets be honest, those shows highlight how most crazies are raising their kids. The natural, safe, conscious families are currently the minority, so i’m not surprised that these shows glamorize those kinds of families. If you’ve ever sat on a bench in the mall and just observed other people for a few minutes, you’d know what i’m talking about, most people just don’t care to know.
We are lucky to have support groups, blogs, friends, and family to share in our natural beliefs. Now we just need to spread the word about really healthy living to all of the other “crazies” and hope that this life style can become the norm…again!
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I saw this and thought they needed to pass on by SuperNanny and just get Children’s Services in there. Those parents needed court-ordered parenting classes and counseling. That was abuse – flat out.
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How did they end the show? Did the parents learn anything at all?
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Hubby and I watched this episode of Super Nanny….I was sad that the mother acted so proud of putting Antibactial Liquid Dial soap in her child’s mouth. I was happy to see Jo confronting the issue, because it isn’t a proper way to punish.
Wow. In my book, making a child EAT antibacterial soap is child abuse. The antibacterial ingredient in Dial is Triclosan, which according to this article is probably not something anyone would want to ingest. Health conscious or not I cannot believe that the average American family is this twisted. Hopefully protective services will get wind of this families’ behavior and pay them a visit. At the least which ever network filmed the show could spend some of their revenue getting the family some parenting classes & therapy!
Interesting. Remember that woman who squirted hot sauce into her kid’s mouth if they misbehaved? I don’t like Dr.Phil, but I agree with his concept that if things aren’t working, try something else. Obvious this woman’s techniques of washing her kid’s mouth out with soap weren’t working, aside from her putting toxic chemicals in her kids mouths. We’ve had many funny soap happenings here…but now I think about the toxic issue and that makes them way less funny.
Wow…that IS really something…
What a horrible way to treat one’s own child and what a message to send to that child about how to treat someone when you want to “teach them a lesson”. It makes me so angry to hear how people are traumatizing their children like that-it never fixes the situation. Clearly the problems the parents are having are from the behavior their kids have learned from them.
I am so LOL because I am quite sure I’ve said butt crack a number of times to my kids. Now they’ve never heard me say cuss words because I don’t swear, but butt crack? What’s the big deal?
Anyhoo, the soap thing is way over the line. If mine were to develop a potty mouth (and I mean real potty mouth, which would be unacceptable in my home), then we would talk about the gift of speech and how it’s a treasure not to be abused, and I would have them write down some positive statements like “I will speak with kindness” or somethingn like that. I’ve done this already with one of mine who has a tendency to talk trash with a sibling, and it does the trick for awhile. ;)
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I don’t watch much TV either, but I do try and watch Supernanny once in awhile as I really hope that the families that are showcased are able to learn something from Jo. I’m glad I didn’t watch this episode because these types of parents make me cringe. I am a Special education teacher of at risk kids, and these are the types of parents they have – I don’t have to deal with them much though as they have long since kicked their kids out of their homes. That mother should have happily taken a squirt of soap – if it’s ok for her children, why not her? Because she is ignorant of what her role as parent is! I can’t stand parents who rule with fear and intimidation. Hopefully, child services will be able to intervene and improve things for this family or I fear they will turn into the at-risk kids who I teach – abused, lonely and treated like garbage. What a horrible thing to do to a child! Thank goodness I didn’t see these horrible parents on TV last night!
You hit the nail on the head when you mentioned the golden rule. Children should be treated with as much respect as we treat other adults. It isn’t easy but it is something to strive for.
Oh, how sad. I agree with you 100% that this is wrong, and it baffles me that people can treat their children like this! I beat myself up over the silliest little things that I do wrong when dealing with my boys, so I just can’t believe these people can treat their kids like this!!
And you are so so so correct in saying that children should be treated just as you would treat another adult. I try to ALWAYS keep this mind (much easier said than done, sometimes!).
You can only hope that these children grow up and break the cycle of negative, conditional parenting that their parents are currently providing.
Wow – we hear the phrase loads but never did I imagine anyone would actually do it!!!!! there are obviously some real issues with the family and I hope that once the cameras have left they really do get the support and advice they need. I have issues with Supernanny….While here techniques are good and do seem to work ….SHE HAS NO KIDS and i really think that she can’t know what it feels like to be a mum and all the emotion that comes with that. I’m trying to do positive parenting……we don’t have a naughtly step, we have a thinking chair and when bad words inevitably come up they get told “don’t use that darling, its not a pretty word “and that does seem to work. I have huge behavoiur issues with my kids as they genuinly good but very very active. I would NEVER use soap or any form of physical or mental bullying as a punishment. The repercusions when they grow up just do not bear thinking about.
I guess I’m the only one so far that has actually been through this whole washing-the-mouth-out-with-soap thing as a child. my mother did it to us on a handful of occasions; it was for truly serious offenses. I think it’s a terrible thing to do and I would never do it to my kids. honestly, as old-school as my mom is and coming from the background she’s from, I’m even surprised that she did it – that’s how awful it is! and that’s not even taking into account all the chemicals. it’s just sad to me that there are still people in the world doing things like that to their children…
i watched this too and could not believe that the mom really squirted that soap into her child’s mouth. It did not seem that those parents learned anything at all from the Supernanny. All those chemicals must have some consequence to a child’s system.
I am so glad that we don’t watch much prime time TV! I would have been crying for those kids the whole time. I hope that the local child protection authorities are keeping a close watch on this family. Rinsing a child’s mouth out with a non-toxic soap is quite an extreme punishment, but to swallow it?? And I agree, liquid soap?? The mother was probably clueless on how horrible that is, as it sounds like she was a clueless parent.
Thanks for your great blog. I am a new fan!
Soap in the mouth – to think this used to be a school punishment and with carbolic soap too. I found when my children were young as long as I told them a reason why they shouldn’t do something – a because … they always behaved well and I never had to tell them off.
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No way, no how. Sounds like people who should have never been parents.
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My mom did wash our mouths out with soap when we were young if we said bad words,I only remember her doing it to me once,and it was a washing out,not a bite,chew swallow! I did see the show,and was very surprised by moms actions.I really appreciated Jo’s reaction & treatment of it.I agree though it is not OK at all!
No way would I give them liquid soap! The thought of those chemicals in my child horrifies me! We don’t even use liquid soap to wash our hands! It’s funny because we’ll have other kids over and they don’t even recognize our bar soap as soap! All they’ve ever used is liquid soap. It’s strange to think of a generation that doesn’t even recognize bar soap.
I like Supernanny. I don’t watch a lot of TV but occasionally I’ll watch this show. There are a lot of parents out there that weren’t parented well as children and who just don’t know how to be parents themselves. I think Jo (supernanny) is a great example of well-rounded parenting for them. It’s also nice to see a show that values family and the home.
Love your blog by the way! :)
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My mom was right, people should be required to get a parenting license to be a parent! We need one to go fishing, my goodness this is a clear example of why we need to teach basic parenting skills. The only thing the parent will achieve by putting soap in a child’s mouth is a fearful child!
Honetly, this kind of abuse just makes me sick……. I’ll stop there.
Personally, I feel they should bring back this practice. With the language the kids use today they ought to be glad that they don’t have to bite, chew, and swallow the whole bar or unscrew the cap on a bottle of Dawn dish soap insert bottle in their filthy mouth like a baby bottle, pinch their nose and make them swallow the whole bottle. I have had to do both for speaking my Native Language and I would do it again in a heart beat. As a matter of fact, I saw a lady in Wal-Mart that was threatening to spank her son with a belt if he didn’t stop screaming. I almost pulled my belt off right there in Wal-Mart, (if my pants hadn’t fallen off with as much weight I have lost) gave it to here and almost had to thank her right there in the store. When a parent tells the child to be quiet and the child refuses to listen, then I say bust his ass to get his attention and the rest of you can mind your own damn business or wash my mouth out with soap if you think you are big enough to try. I quadruple dare ya.
Your a bad bad person sounds like your getting close to judgment day hope you rot or maybe you’ll spend eternity ingesting soap one can only hope
That is absolutly NOT ok! I watch supernanny myself… but seeing the way parents treat their kids makes my feel sorry fo the little ones. My mom said always said ” Here, we’ll clean your language up.” and she shoves soap into my mouth! I acctually hid from her and threw up in the bathroom and never told her. My mom used to call me a b…. slap me, and she yelled at me one time because I sneezed and sniffed.
Mike, It’s sad that you hate kids so much and its sad that your as immature as you are to dare other adults to wash your mouth out with soap. I believe you deserve compassion not soap since you are obviously messed up from your abusive childhood- it appears as if you never grew up-maybe you weren’t allowed to – instead you were forced to behave a certain way, not feel nor think for yourself. I pray you don’t ever have children How do you know that child crying in the store hasn’t been dragged all over shopping for 12 hrs and was tired of sitting in cart? Maybe the mom spent the entire day at the mall and was finishing up at Walmart. Parents abuse their children all the time by taking them to the mall for endless hours of sitting in a stroller or cart- Maybe the screaming child was done, or possibly in pain from teething or some other reason that deserves compassion instead of compliance. I will pray you either get some parenting education or never have children.
Laurie, I can see your point and everyone has a right to their own oppinion. I for one, have fought for my freedom of speech and freedom of expression and have gotten injured for it. I have PTSD and probably never will have kids as I am way too old and old fashioned unlike someone else whom I will not mention. The generation we have today need to learn some manners. If you do the wrong thing, then you will have to suffer the consequences.
Washing mouth out with soap? I have had to do this three times already TODAY to my son. Did i make my son EAT the soap? NO way. Was it liquid soap? NOPE. It was Ivory bar soap. My son’s punishment (and he is 10) is for lying and REPEATEDLY talking back. I have TRIED all other punishments – and they do not work. THIS has been working thus far.
NOW, the situation w/ the nanny people – saying “buttcrack”, I would not construe as a curse word. I would never let my kid play rated “M” video games and even some of the “T” ones are questionable. I, myself, don’t play those and I love the games. I do not let him watch horror films or rated R movies. He is probably the only child who’s not seen The Dark Knight because I will not allow it due to blatant violence. I do not feel that movie is a kids’ movie at ALL. The lines are too blurry between a very real fantasy world and real nowadays. JMO. I am constantly amazed that some parents let their children play these “M” games (Grand Theft Auto to name just one) and then they wonder why their kids act like they’re from the hood and use the language and steal and all.
I am a single mom – so I have to be BOTH parents as father wanted nothing to do w/ son since he was a baby. I am at the point that it’s do or die time, and my son knew consequences WAYYYY before choosing his specific infractions today. My son’s behavior recently is NOT a new thing, and is more of a challenge of wits for him to ‘one up’ mom. I have every intention of winning, and I will do it by whatever means necessary, within reason of course. There does come a point where talking gets you nowhere with a child such as mine when he gets this way. Otherwise, he is a sweet child and he is treated well. He has some heavy misconceptions about the way the world works, as to breaking rules, loyalty, and lying, etc. If I do not make every effort to stop this NOW, what’s it going to be when this kid is 14? I have tried to keep him in line since the get-go, and have only recently “upped” my efforts to include the soap punishment.
I cannot deal with people who have such great advice who have never either had kids 24/7, or never had a “high maintenance” child. Don’t tell me how to raise my child and I won’t tell you how to raise yours.
Love the “give the respect you hope to get” comment. Good luck with that – perhaps your child is different. I treat my child extremely well when he does well and I do not deal with bad behavior (and he knows it.) Does that stop him from misbehaving in such a manner that deserves or warrants corporal punishment? I WISH THAT IT DID BUT IT DOES NOT. We discuss his wrong choices and it is made clear that he is in control of his choices, not anyone else: he chooses the crime, he chose the punishment when he decided to do it. Taking things away or time out simply does nothing. He simply does not CARE – just looks at his punishment as price of admission to whatever infraction he did. I am not asking for sympathy, etc. – just simply stating that some children are in need of different punishments. What works for one may not work for another and so on…
Washing mouth out with soap is NOT child abuse, nor is spanking when needed, within reason. “Time out” and other yuppie punishments have never worked with my child. I am happy for those for whom it has worked, but not all children are the same, or respond to the same punishments, etc.
i think these days everyone is so concerned with childs rights that they forget that we as parents are responsible for what our kids learn.if i am not being a good example as a parent because of my language then i would expect my wife to wash my mouth out with all the soap she wants to use before she washs the childs mouth out.
if childs needs it then so does the parents also. if more parents got their mouths soaped they would be much better examples as well as words.
i guarantee you if my wife soaped my mouth every single time i deserved it due tomy language,attitude,or yelling, i would be tasting a lot of soap myself.how is that for a 30 day trial? the next 30 day trial would be much better. are you guts enough to try it yourself let alone giving your child no choice in his or her tasting or swallowing soap?
give it a try yourself and see if you change first.
how is that for a dare or30 test?
Well, when your a senior citizen and you depend on your child for assistance, i hope they dont soap your mouth every time you become a nuisance. Cunt. You are committing a act of child abuse.
It MUST be working if you have had to do it ONLY 3 times today. ;)
Just saw this episode for the first time and very much agree with the post and the comments here. These parents were raising their kids terribly and then turning to various questionable (at best, and sometimes cruel) punishments to try to get some control. I agree it was awful to see the mother proudly smirking when administering the soap and later when talking about it. You could see she relished being able to have any control of her kid at that moment, but in a really troubling way. Because they let the kids run wild and lost control of them, they were turning to humiliating, hurtful punishments and confusing discipline with having power over them at those moments.
The thing that struck me the most, though, was the look on the son’s face when the soap was being squirted into his mouth. Anyone who didn’t see it, it’s not what you might think – not distress or sadness. It was more disturbing than that. There was a hardened look to him as he was getting punished this way – something of a steely resolve, and even a bit of a smirk there (but not a cheeky one). There seemed to be a certain pride that he was tough enough to take this treatment. I don’t mean pride in any positive way, it was a resentful, stoic manner to it. Like he wouldn’t let the mother ultimately have the power by knowing she could hurt him. I guess it was that hardened look that upset me the most – you could see in that how much this ‘discipline’ would backfire and just create something of a monster. Someone who was not only learning it’s OK to treat people that way, but who might one day want to take out his resentment on the world. And who would get self-esteem from proving himself to be tough. You could really imagine a later life of fighting and crime for someone learning to feel like this.
I’m just so glad they got Jo in. It does sadden me to think how many families this would be going on in that will never get help.
I absolutely agree. This is wrong wrong wrong. My stepsons are being forced by DYFS to live with their neglectful mother and her abusive boyfriend and we are going to be part of a very large custody battle very soon and this is one point I plan to bring up in court. The soap thing is a crock and soooo dangerous. It’s no different than hand sanitizer…kids in daycare where getting DRUNK on the stuff. People need to remember that kids are people too with real feelings and emotions and all these terrible acts of punishment only cause resentment and bad memories. I wouldn’t smack my husband for anything and he’s big enough to handle it. My stepsons are my world and are defenseless….NOTHING is gained thru physical abuse and intimidation. I applaud SuperNanny and the curator of this blog. If I can be of any help in the future don’t hesitate to contact me.
Mike I will gladly take you on any day of the week. Being a child of an extremely abusive mother, who to this day will not admit to even spanking me, even though several times as a young child I was smacked in the face for crying after she yelled at me. What was done to you and your people was wrong whether you see it or not, but man after reading that absolute crock that you posted I have a burning desire to give you your wish. I have a huge amount of respect for veterans, my stepfather is a retired ranger of 24 years. But that doesn’t mean I won’t stand up for what’s right I took on a vet 3 times my age at 17 in an airport showing no fear I’m not afraid to do it again.
bring it on girly/woman, I quadruple dare ya, but I get to pick out the soap though, and if you can;t do a good enough job, you will get the same
Mike, I don’t think you’re a bad person, but you have some very disturbing ideas about children. I understand about PTSD. I have it because of extreme abuse I survived as a child. This included watching my best friend being beaten by her father in front of my as a very young child for a some minor infraction. She has, to her credit, become very successful, however sadly her sister committed suicide. This kind of abuse is the tip of the iceberg.
In your case next time you’re at the store you should stay out of parent child interaction or you can find yourself charged with felony cruelty to children like this person —
http://www.cbsnews.com/blogs/2009/09/03/crimesider/entry5284681.shtml
I hope you find some peace in your life and come to terms with your irrational hatred of children.
I seen that episode. I thought the mother was nuts. Even when I was young when your mouth got soaped you didn’t swallow it. There was no such thing as liquid soap back then.
I saw that episode too. To make your kid eat liquid soap is one thing but to not learn from your mistake and to not take the criticism for your actions is another. The way she stormed out and flipped out. Can you say “awful mother”?
It’s not a “mouth” issue – it is a “heart” issue – which causes an “attitude” problem – so therefore the best discipline you can give your children is from God’s Word (The Holy Bible). I’ve listed a few scriptures below that will encourage you. Read them aloud to your children, even read them over your children as they’re sleeping & pray for their heart to be changed. There is power in our Lord Jesus Christ & His Word. Reading scripture & praying will work (but if you want to do both…..”wash” the mouth out by using vinegar-not harmful!!!).
Proverbs 4:24 ~ Put away from thee a froward mouth, and perverse lips put far from thee.
Proverbs 12: 19 & 22 ~ The lip of truth shall be established for ever: but a lying tongue is but for a moment. Lying lips are an abomination to the LORD: but they that deal truly are his delight.
Be blessed & encouraged!
i’m currently going to court to try to get an OP for my 5year old daughters’ father and girlfriend.. they made my daughter swallow liquid soap for lying when asked if she wiped her dirty hands on a chair during dinner. That seems like a pretty extreme punishment.. Yes she needs to be corrected but not aggressively punished.. She had no idea what was going on and why they did it. .. the sad thing is the courts and hospitals and the cops and dcfs all kinda roll their eyes and don’t see it as abuse just ill advised parenting.. Its so frustrating and disheartening to see your daughter suffer.. she came home from her weekend visit and said the girlfriend made her stick out her tongue and the squirted liquid green soap from the kitchen on her tongue and then took her finger and smeared it into her mouth and told her to swallow it cause she wanted to make her sick. that it was gross and made her cough real hard and burned a little. then she was made to go back and eat her pizza without washing it out. but i cant prove intent cause they wont listen to a 5 year old, i didn’t have 1500 for a real lawyer and no one that should care that could help will take it serious enough.. Everyone including the judges are like well that’s still considered to be acceptable forms of punishment even in some day cares (scary thought) in some areas… i’m thinking IDK i don’t want someone making my daughter drink cleaning chemicals..
That is a pathetic parenting technique by scumbag parents who are too stupid and/or lazy to figure out a better way to control their child. I agree that kids will remember and resent their parents for it, especially when they are simply repeating the language that they hear from their own worthless parents.
Half the time kids are repeating words they heard from us. I know my husband curses like a sailor. Shoving a toxic substance in my child’s mouth is abusive and teaches them to resent and fear a parent and yes they obey but not out of respect, out of hurt and fear. It’s a power move to show I can hurt you and you can’t do anything about it. Good luck when they get older. Parents need to guide and help children learn to make good choices not make them behave because my mom could do something abusive if I don’t.