I pretty much stayed home all weekend and still have lots to tell….nothing terribly exciting though. I am pretty much exhausted after taking care of my niece for the weekend. The addition of a second three year old in the house was a little too much for me I think but I am happy that Racy (my niece – above) had a nice time. I was a bit worried after she cried for an hour the first night… sobbing “I want my mama.” It lasted a half hour the next night.
That is exactly why I don’t leave my kids until they are much older and able to handle it. I would never be able to handle having one of them cry for me like that. My husband has always thought I was a bit silly in that respect… cause ya know…normal people get “babysitters” and go for weekends away. After seeing how hard it was for his niece I think he “gets” it now. There is no way anything could be worth putting our child through that. There will be plenty of time for that stuff later when they are older.
It was also interesting seeing my three year old next to another 3 year old. My niece is 2 months younger than my son and yet she talks really well and she is potty trained. Yeah, it was hard to not make comparisons. My daughter really liked having a female playmate and it made me sad that she won’t have a sister. I had brothers just like her and always wanted a sister. :(
Yesterday afternoon I had to laugh when they were building towers with blocks and my 3 year old BOY would come and knock them down in true boy fashion. My niece would start to yell at him and my daughter would put a hand on her shoulder and say “When things go wrong…its best to try and stay calm.” LOL.
Of course I am wondering where THAT line of thinking was today at school. ;) She got in trouble at school for being too aggressive with another classmate. I guess she had a mean “tone” with a classmate who was doing the assignment wrong. So the teacher put her in time out for the first time ever and my daughter had a complete melt down and cried for some time. It was so bad they wanted me to come get her but I left my cell at home. In general I feel her school “shames” the children too much. After talking with her I realized she felt pressured by the teacher to make sure the assignment was done “right” so when her classmate and work partner was doing it wrong, she started to panic a little and got needlessly angry. Honestly such is the life in public school if you ask me… pressure to perform, then punishment when you reach a breaking point and act out. Anyway I was more concerned about getting the story from my daughter who was reluctant to tell me because the teachers made her feel she had done something really “bad”.
But back to the weekend… I got caught up on reading as the kids ran through the sprinklers and played outside. I finished Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves – which was really good for the most part. It is all about respectful parenting and really letting kids write their own story while we just sit back and support them. Overall I liked the book but I was mildly annoyed at times with it. It took things a bit too far IMO with some of their examples and basically made the family relationship very one sided… if the kids needs are met then who cares about mom and dad.
I also started reading Attached at the Heart and so far I am LOVING it!!! It completely debunks the conservative diatribe about how society and children have gone wild due to permissive parenting. It shows how society in general started to be shaped in the mid 1800s by “experts” who declared the best way to parent was by being detached, unemotional, harsh with discipline, and with low to NO physical contact. For years parents were told that anything else would create lazy, dependent children. The book also shows how children have been mistreated for centuries and how all THAT history is why society is where it is. It is a must read book….great for a breezy day on a hammock. :)
This morning the first order of business was too take my oldest son (he played hooky today) to a thrift store to get him some summer clothes. FINALLY after 4 years of wearing the same clothes he is moving up to larger sizes. When he was 5 he was probably a bit on the chunky side and almost getting into size 7/8 clothes. Then he started taking the seizure medication and dropped to a size 4/5 in just a couple months. Of course we got him off the seizure meds with a specialized diet but he still was Mr. Skinny for years. Now at almost 9, his size 8 clothes he has had since he was 5 are too tight.
I was very pleased with what we found at the thrift store, I got 6 pairs of shorts with some being brand new w/tags, 8 t-shirts, 1 pair of shorts for my daughter, and 1 dress for my daughter… all for $25. Wahoo! I am thinking I won’t even bother to get anything new for school next year except for shoes. I LOVE second hand shopping! See all that tie dye? Oh yeah!
Well, that was my boring weekend and Monday morning. What did you do?
Like you, my weekend was a bore. Just wanted to say your niece is a cutie and I suddenly have a strong hankering for strawberries ;)
I just wanted to leave a quick comment regarding “Weekend Reading and Other Stuff.” I usually love reading this blog, but honestly, I am rather sadend by the comment regarding public school. You’ve made quite a sweeping statement about public schools, and I am feeling rather defensive. I am a public school teacher, and I don’t believe in “punishment” as you put it- I am really proactive and more concerned about validating and understanding children’s feelings than being swept up in “perfomance.” I would have approached the situation in an entirely different way. Everyone is entitled to their opinion. My opinion is that there are some wonderfully caring and fabulous teachers in public schools. I am sorry to hear that this is not your experience, and I am also sorry that I feel that I’ve been lumped into a category on your otherwise fun to read blog.
Best,
Nicole
Nicole, sorry if I offended you. Although I haven’t talked about it in some time I have written MANY posts on why I very much dislike public schooling. It has caused some major problems within our home. I think we are just a bit too progessive for our very conservative, midwest school system. Certainly I know there are MANY good teachers but the system as a whole kinda sucks IMO.
Tiffany and Nicole,
I too dislike the school system as a whole, but I understand there are many wonderful educators (several in my own family) who care about their students. However, too often our teachers are not allowed the freedom to teach outside of the box. With the number of students in each classroom rising, teaching to the state testing being mandated by the school district and the silly small town politics that seems to thrive our children are not necessarily in the best environment for learning.
My daughter also is devastated when reprimanded because she is an overachiever. She doesn’t want anyone to be in trouble with the teacher and tends to also be harsh on her classmates in an attempt to help them excel. If her classmates are chastised she takes it personally as if she is at fault. Finally after about six months of school this year she understands her teachers and they appreciate her for who she is in class.
School takes a lot of effort and communication between child, parent and teacher. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t. When the student isn’t capable of expressing themselves adequately they tend to get lost in the system. Our youngest son is currently caught in this battle . We have had great success with our children in the school system, but at least four different times we have had to “upset the apple cart.” Some teachers are impossible to work with, as they want a student “mold”, others are open and receptive to individuality.
We have learned never to give up trying to communicate with the teachers, but most of all we always listen to the needs of our children to find out what works the best for them. We do not allow intimidation to deter our determination to help our children succeed. Compromise on both sides is the key, but it only works with on-going open communication.
Hmmm….I understand what you are both saying. That is so disheartening. I live and work in the “Five College Area” in Massachusetts, which is known for it’s progressive views on education. I am thankful, after hearing what the two of you have said about your experiences, to be a part of education here. Don’t get me wrong, everything isn’t roses, but in my experience, most of the teachers here aren’t interested in making kids feel bad or putting them/keeping them in a box.
Many of us use something known as the Responsive Classroom approach to teaching. It is not a curriculum- more of a philosophy regarding children and how to lift them up and give them the most nuturing, full educational experience possible. Some of the main beliefs of this approach are that the social curriculum is as important as the academic curriculum, that the greatest cognitive growth occurs through social interaction, and knowing how our children learn is just as important as what they learn. If you have time, go to http://www.responsiveclassroom.org to learn about this approach more in depth. I have been using this approach for years- it is actually very intuitive for me (not so much for others- a lot of folks balk at the idea…) and I now train teachers in RC. Let me know what you think.
A lot of what I do is noticing how children are feeling and helping them identify their feelings. I avoid qualifiers- things are not good/bad or right/wrong in my classroom. They just are as they are, and that is ok. There are NO bad children- just choices they make that might not result in an outcome that is safe/supportive of others/etc. It breaks my heart that your children feel such pressure and feel as if they have done something “wrong.” I can see how that must be so frustrating for you. It is wonderful to hear that you are persistent and working to open the lines of communication with teachers. After all, when others won’t listen to the voices of children, we are their advocates and must fight for them.
Happy Tuesday to you both.
Best,
Nicole
That’s sounds wonderful Nicole. I will check that out. I hope more school systems really take a look at alternatives!
Tiffany we feel the same, we don’t leave our kids. I was a nanny for years and raised other peoples kids the mainstream way I was taught in Nanny school but when I became a parent I changed everything!
I am looking forward to reading Attached to the Heart, this has been my feelings for a long time!
We spent the weekend on the garden and getting our Everbearing Strawberries planted! This weekend we will get the seeds in!!!
I’m so glad I’m not the only one who thought Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves took things a little too far. It was raved about in an AP group I used to be a part of, so I thought I’d check it out. I didn’t even finish the whole book–I did like many of her ideas, but like you said, she took some things way too far, IMO. I may have to look into Attached to the Heart and I’m STILL waiting on a trip down to my local huge bookstore (Powell’s, in Portland, OR, the greatest!) to buy Keeper of the Children and some of the Outlander series! Soon, soon…
I really liked your review of “Attached at the Heart.” I’ve long wondered where society came up with the myth of kids being so out of control owing to a more caring, hands on style of parenting. As opposed to what –emotionally detached, rigid, authoritarian parents? Your review has made me want to read the book!