Over the weekend I read Mom Mojo – Nurturing Your Self While Raising a Family. I had mixed feelings when I picked it up because I am generally not the type of mom who likes to talk about all the “me” time I need or say that I have lost my identity by becoming a mom. For one thing I think I have done pretty well in in this area. I have managed to balance the things that interest me and find time for them while still being an involved parent. But yet I can still see ways in which my needs have gotten lost in the role of motherhood.
For instance, I used to be a runner and a hiker. Now I can’t seem to find the time to take up running or hiking (with regularity) again even though I would be much healthier for it. I haven’t had a “date” with my husband in a loooong time as well… we really just don’t have anyone to watch the kids that we trust. So being a mother often puts my marriage in the back seat. I also don’t travel as much as I used to because our youngest is still too young IMO.
But I do work from home doing work that I absolutely love. I have plenty of time to read and do crafty stuff if I want. I go to a movie once a week because movies have always been one of my great loves. Spending time with my kids every day is important to my identity as well because being a good mom is hugely important to me…but yes, I do wish I could better balance things and get my mojo back. It is important to me that my kids think of me as a real person… an interesting person …not just the lady who dotes on them and takes care of them.
One section of the book I really liked was an essay in the 4th chapter. It talks about how being a mom is NOT a job. You see I have always referred to it as a job and said that doing my “job” well is very important to me. But in this essay it shows how motherhood is a relationship… not a job. I really understood the reasons why this might be setting ourselves for disappointment. I also liked how the author likened this to a single woman saying that her husband is her “job”. Honestly I would be the first to cringe if I heard a woman say that…but yet no cringing when we say it about kids.
I rather like looking at motherhood as relationship instead of a job. A lot of work still has to go into relationships but our identity is not wrapped up in our relationships. Family is not what we DO, it is what is important to us.
This book addresses ways to:
Survive and enjoy the intense early years
Save some of your best energy for creativity and your own dreams
Learn the the key elements of long term success for your marriage
Getting more out of “nap time”
Rising above the Mommy Wars
Using motherhood as an OPPORTUNITY for reinvention
I really like the last one because that is how I describe what having a family did for me… it reinvented me into a better person. When I had other lives to take care of I became a much more observant person and a critical thinker. I became much more “aware” of social injustice, the environment, politics, health, and protecting children.
This is a good comfort book for moms everywhere and will definately stay on my book shelf for reading again now and then.
This hit home for me. I am deep into my “relationship” with my 21 month old and after having career and starting a family at 38 I look at my role as a “job” – with the same commitment and perfectionism I had for my previous job. I like the description of this book. I am glad you have the time to read and give summaries so I can weed through and choose only the ‘good’ books to read (with so much little precious time right now.) I can barely find time for my husband, working out, blogging, reading and writing – not to mention our poor pets who get little attention now. :-( When I finish Laura Ramirez’ book I will get this one. Thanks for always having good info!
Becoming a mom definitely rid me of (most) of my self absorption. But it is challenging finding time to do the things that recharge me. Sometimes it’s relentless. I will check this one out.
Sounds like a great book. I, too, have always looked at motherhood as my job, but it is definitely more than that! It has redefined me into a person with interests I never would have dreamed of before having children. In an effort to always be “on” for my family, I do struggle with time for myself– I might have to check this book out!
That sounds like an awesome book. i can relate to a lot of what you described. I will have to see if I can find this book somewhere. Thanks for sharing