A Guest Post by Joella
My pregnancy with my daughter was unexpected. My husband (fiancé at the time) and I planned on having children eventually, but hadn’t given much thought to it, since we thought that “eventually” was still a few years away. Sure, we’d spent enough time discussing our views on parenting that we were confident we were mostly on the same page, but we certainly hadn’t nailed down the specifics.
As I spent time researching all the choices out there, I’d come to him with what I’d learned, sometimes nervously anticipating his reaction. I knew he supported breastfeeding, but for how long? What would he think about child-led weaning, or nursing in public? I knew that he was an environmentalist to some degree, but would he think cloth diapers were taking it too far? What about co-sleeping and bed-sharing? Would he be on board?
Perhaps the most nerve-wracking discussion of all was about what we’d feed our daughter when she was ready for more than my milk. He understood and supported my vegetarianism. He was a vegetarian himself when we first met, and willingly agreed to maintain a vegetarian household when he moved in with me. What about our daughter? Would he support a vegetarian diet for her, too?
My nerves were un-warranted. His main concern was that our daughter would not feel pressured into maintaining a dietary choice such as vegetarianism against her will. We agreed to raise her as a vegetarian until she is old enough to comprehend the process –all the way from living breathing animal to lifeless cut on a plate- by which meat becomes meat.
So far, for the most part, it’s been a rather simple parenting choice to uphold. We’re both mindful and knowledgeable enough about nutrition to ensure that she gets everything she needs from a vegetarian diet. Our own parents, while they may not understand our decision, are respectful and supportive of it. Our part-time daycare provider does a great job of communicating with us about the lunch menu at daycare. When meat is on it, we provide our daughter’s lunch.
Of course, we get the occasional good-humored “joking” comment that our daughter “looks like she wants a hamburger” or that she’ll rebel by marrying a butcher. We sometimes get curious questions about what she eats. I always answer that she eats whatever I eat, and that I eat whatever I want!
There is a misconception that vegetarian diets are complicated or include lots of strange foods. Yes, we eat things like tofu and tempeh, but I find those far less strange to eat than liver or legs! At 14 months old, my daughter enjoys everything from burritos to lasagna, stir fry to omelets, sandwiches to spaghetti, and stew to curry. She even gets to eat typical kid fare like “chik’n” nuggets and pizza.
At this point in her life, it’s relatively simple to control what she is offered and exposed to. Since we fix her plate for her, it’s easy to avoid having meat within her reach. I’m sure my mom feels like I’m playing twenty questions when I inquire about what they’ll be eating while my daughter is in her care, but non-vegetarians don’t always think of obscure non-vegetarian ingredients like gelatin in marshmallows or meat-based broths in “vegetable” soups.
As she grows more curious and independent, we’ll need to be ever more vigilant about what goes into her mouth. She might mistake an actual chicken nugget or hamburger for the convincing veggie substitutes she’s accustomed to. When she starts asking why certain foods that other people eat (even her father, occasionally) are off-limits, we’ll begin explaining in an age appropriate manner that we value animals as friends, not food, and start making basic connections between the animals she sees on the farms on the drive out to her grandma’s house and the food items that we’d prefer she pass by until she fully understands them.
The main argument that people make against our decision to give our daughter a vegetarian start in life is that it should be her choice whether or not she wants to be a vegetarian. I couldn’t agree more. I won’t deny that if the day comes that she decides to add meat to her diet, I’ll be a little bit sad, but I will support her decision so long as it is an informed one. By raising her as a vegetarian until she can make that decision for herself, we are giving her a choice: a choice to have been a life-long vegetarian from conception, a choice few people are offered. I’m confident that whether she grows to embrace my vegetarian values or not, she’ll appreciate and have respect for where her food comes from, an appreciation and respect that is all too often lacking in the world today.
Joella writes Fine and Fair, a blog of letters to her daughter. Fine and Fair is focused on the ups and downs along the journey of raising her daughter as a responsible citizen of the world with the values of compassion toward all living things, environmental responsibility, conservation, and celebrating diversity in all of its forms. Fine and Fair can also be found on facebook and twitter.
Great post! I’ve been a vegetarian, vegan and omnivore at different times in my four children’s lives. I never restricted what they ate and they were all omnivores when they were small. My oldest daughter (12) is now a vegan and my 10 y/o daughter is a vegetarian. My sons (3 and 7) say they want to be vegetarian a lot (my daughters guilt them!) but then they change their minds when Daddy has meat. I cook vegetarian and (mainly) vegan, so the the whole family eats those ways most of the time anyway.
My 12 y/o now says she wished I had “forced” her to be vegan all during her childhood (she is opposed to consuming all animal products, including items like milk, eggs and cheese, because of the ways the animals are treated even on small family farms) but at the time I wanted her to come to the decision on her own. My cousin raised all five of her kids vegetarian and I remember them sneaking to Grandma’s house and gorging on steak. OTOH, I have many veggie friends whose children were raised veggie and are repulsed by the idea of anybody eating meat (or dairy, in some cases). I do think it is easier to be committed to it as a child when you’ve never had those foods and it was never “normal.”
I’m not sure which way I’d do it if I had to do it all over again, but I am proud of my daughters for how committed they are to their vegetarian and vegan ideals at this point. I suspect their little brothers may join them at some point too.
Thanks for your comment! Our aim is to ensure that eating meat is not something taboo so that she’ll neither feel the need to hide her desire to do nor look down on people who do. The vast majority of our family friends do eat meat, so she’s exposed to it regularly. It’s also a great opportunity for teaching that we can love people even when their values and choices differ from our own! :)
we eat mainly a vegetarian diet in our house. but throw in some fish and grilled chicken every now and then. and i can say since we as a family made the decision to change our eating habits we eat some YUMMY stuff! the choices are so much more plentiful then when we ate “everything” i am shocked at all the ways one can prepare a carrot! ha ha.
i think you are doing a great job raising your family :)
I agree, Liz. It kind of forces you to get creative, seek new recipes, try new things, etc. We have added numerous amazing foods and dishes to our faves list after we went veg.
I agree Lizzie, there is no shortage of delicious meat-free options! Thanks for your comment! :)
Thanks again for the opportunity to write for you Tiffany! :) I love spreading the word about how simple it can be to maintain parenting choices that are often seen as “unconventional”. I’d love to contribute again in the future!
Any time Joella. Thanks for contributing. :)
I was raised vegetarian, and the idea that my children are being somehow limited by also being raised vegetarian seems silly to me.
I remember every instance in my childhood that I accidentally ate meat, each with a vivid accompanying memory of how violently ill I became.
As far as dealing my my husband’s parents, who are NOT vegetarian, do NOT know how to even handle a vegetable much less prepare it, and do NOT think it’s a healthy way to raise a growing child, reminding them that feeding meat to my children will actually HARM them at this point in their lives seems to keep the perspective. Nobody likes having to clean up a giant puddle of vomit.
We aren’t born with the stomach enzymes to digest meats. Usually we get them through our mothers’ breast milk, and if not in very small doses with the food we begin eating early in life. And they don’t stick around, because our bodies don’t produce them unless they’re needed. A meat-free diet can be entirely healthy and satisfying, it was for me as a kid and is for me as an adult now.
While one of my daughters occasionally has bouts of pickiness where she won’t eat anything but scrambled eggs and graham crackers, I’m confident that they’re getting the same diet that brought me up to the healthy and happy adult I am now, and that should they ever choose to begin eating meat, as one of my sisters did, that it will be an informed choice and not simply an act of starved desperation.
Exactly Lea! I always scratch my head at the people who insist I’m not giving my daughter a choice. I most certainly am, and it’s a choice that not nearly enough people are given to make on their own!
So happy to see others raising Veg kids! My 4 boys have been vegetarian from birth! When others ask me about it being a choice for my children I equate it to religion, if you are Catholic would you raise your child Jewish? They will learn what they live. My theory has always been they can make their own choices as they grow older. My teenaged son has no desire to try meat and if and when he does I will still love him.
That’s an excellent point! Veg parents sometimes get flack for “forcing” their values on their children, but don’t all parents strive to impart their values to their children?
Great post, inspiring to hear that your hubby eats meat occassionally but you don’t see that as a barrier to raising your daughter as a veggie.
Like Magic, I have been vegan (I still have dairy-free days), am veggie now (since I was 11yrs old). My husband and my 7 year old eat meat but I only cook veggie or vegan for them. My 7YO stays with her dad half the time so I figured I couldn’t dictate to him what she eats at his – she is his daughter too!
Hubby has agreed to let me raise our 6 month old baby as a veggie which I’m really happy about. I have no idea how to tackle the inevitable questions when she realises her big sister has meat and fish in her school lunchbox and daddy eats meat and fish at work. Hmm. I was going to try the ‘animals are our friends and we don’t eat our friends’ approach but not sure how to do that without casting her dad and sis in a bad light. Any ideas??
Luckily, I have a good year or two to figure out how to raise a veggie child in a omnivore household!
Thanks for your comment! We only cook/eat veggie or vegan in our home, and my husband likes it that way. I honestly think he’ll commit to being a vegetarian again at some point; he always feels icky after he’s eaten meat.
You make a good point with casting her dad and sister in a bad light with the ‘friends vs. food’ thing. A friend of mine who read this post mentioned that most compassionate farmers/family owned farms view animals as both friends AND food, and that it’s not an either/or thing.
I have the same issue in that I don’t want to cast her father/grandparents/aunts/uncles/friends/etc. as villains because they eat meat.
I’ve got more thinking to do on this one!
I’ve never understood the arguement that vegetarian kids “don’t have a choice”. No child does. What about the meat eating kids having meat ‘forced’ upon them??
Anyhow, we raise our daughter as a vegetarian and shes healthy and happy and i’m positive yours is too. : )
I agree, as Tara pointed out above, all of us aim to raise our kids with our values. It’s not necessarily a matter of “forcing”, but of emphasizing what we as parents deem as important lessons to pass on.
Thanks for your comment! :)
Thanks for writing this! My husband and I are vegetarian and are raising our one and three year old to be vegetarians too. We live near all my family and they all eat meat, and it’s hard sometimes. They give us a hard time about it and make fun of our “veggie meat” that we eat sometimes. They worry we won’t get enough protein or vitamins, but I’ve actually been tested for the vitamins you usually get from meat that vegetarians can sometimes be low in, and my levels were fine. I guess I can tell them that, if they ask. I see it as a lifestyle choice for us. I don’t try to convince them to be vegetarians and don’t give them a hard time. I just would like to be respected for our choices, such as this, you know?
My three year old son has started asking questions about meat. We have our own chickens (we eat their eggs, but not the chickens themselves), so he knows about animals dying. So we’ve told him that animals have to die to be eaten by people, and there’s no need for the animals to die when we have so much other healthy food we can eat. That seems to make sense to him. And plus, it’s true. :)
That seems like a simple and logical way to explain it, I will have to keep that in mind! We are hoping to have our own chickens for eggs too! Our city is currently working on an ordinance to allow ‘Backyard Chickens’ in the city limits, and I think it will be up for a vote this year.
Hi,
All very interesting. Perhaps if you are open minded you may consider the following: http://articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2006/03/30/the-fallacy-of-vegetarian-diets.aspx.
Just a thought. There is much evidence that vegetarianism may work (in terms of biological fuel for the human body) for only a third of the population.
Thanks,
Mike
I’m currently dealing with the “when they get older” stage. Daddy is omni, and our son wants to be just like him. I’ve decided to let them eat seafood, even though i’m not comfortable with it. He wants to eat all meat, doesn’t care what i say about animals, the way they’re kept, killed, etc. He just wants to eat meat. I’m curious about what other parents have done when they get to the age where they’ve “decided” to eat meat. I sometimes wonder if we think that day won’t ever come; that we’re all happy and comfy raising our “veggie babies”, but that time has come for me, and i’m not at all comfortable with my kids eating meat. Maybe that’s my issue to work out, i don’t know. I’d love to hear from vegetarian parents with older kids.