My friend Carrie tagged me to participate in a Motherhood Lessons meme from Moms Talk Network. The object is to share a lesson that you learned from your own mom, a special mom in your life, or while raising your own children. The theme this week is regrets and mistakes as a mom.
Oh boy do I have regrets and they all involve my oldest child. He seriously got the short end of the stick. :(
I regret not having a natural labor and childbirth the first time around. I let myself panic and I was really not prepared so I caved and took pain medication. I also let them put on one of those internal fetal monitors that cut into the baby’s scalp.
I regret letting him be vaccinated on the second day of his life.
I regret returning to work and cutting our breastfeeding relationship short.
I regret that I continued to have him vaccinated despite my doubts that the vaccines were hurting him. It took him crashing in the ER to wake me the heck up. His subsequent epilepsy was a nice bonus too. The picture below is one I just found over the weekend from when he was hospitalized after his vaccine injury. I hope this stands as a warning to other moms as to what can happen when you believe a family doctor that says vaccines are perfectly safe:
I regret that he got 2 silver (mercury) fillings when he was younger.
I regret that he was a SAD (standard American diet) child for his first few years.
I regret that I set that child up for a whole host of problems in life. Seeing how my other two kids are and seeing how healthy they are has really opened my eyes to what my oldest lost out on.
So what about you? What is your greatest mothering regret or mistake?
Hi there,
Just curious as to what SAD (standard American diet) means. Love your blog BTW.
How old was your son when he got hospitalized? what vaccine was it?
I don’t even know where to begin with my regrets – and of course, like you, most of them are with dd#1. The one thing I’m debating on now is whether or not I should homeschool…and I’m scared of regret for whatever way I decide!!
My first and only son: I caved the last 10 min of childbirth and asked for an epidural, and they gave it to me, despite the fact I was fully dilated. I gave birth 5 minutes after the epi was administered and couldn’t get out of bed for 2 hours after he was born to go visit him in the NICU (he was 5 weeks premie). I also regret not being able to nurse him until 12 hours after he was born because he was hooked up to machines. I regret that I didn’t switch to cloth until he was 2 months old. I regret not reading all of his potty cues until he was 6 months, and missing out on 6 months of Elimination Communication.
My regrets include quite a few of the authors. One huge regret is slathering regular baby lotion all over my son three times a day for his eczema before I knew what parabens were and what they could do to his developing body. I was trying my best not to use the steroid cream the doctors prescribed so I’d really slather him in it. It makes me want to cry every time I think about it. Now I know better, but what damage has been done??? :(
I am not a mother, but I have a mom who has made similar mistakes. If she were one of the commenters here, I would want her to know that I forgive her– for everything. There were things that she did, because she didn’t know that there would be consequences. By simply reading each of your comments, I know that none of you meant to induce harm. No mother wants to do harm to their children (unless they have a terrible chemical imbalance), and you cannot protect them from everything. Life has consequences and drawbacks, but we learn from them. To me, all I would ever want my mom to realize is that she has learned and I HAVE LEARNED.. I educated myself and made myself better. Your kiddos will do the same and benefit from how you continue to evolve. We all learn. It is what we do with that information that defines our future.
Gosh, our first usually get the short end of the stick. I know mine did.
Nell
Pierrette,
My son was 11 months when he was first hospitalized and it was the dtap vax.
So scary and sad. I have the same exact story, if not the same picture I could share of my oldest daughter. Shouldn’t this tell us something? At least we have learned something, we can never go back but continue to do the best we can, lets not beat ourselves up as parents. But just pass on the healthy lessons we’ve learned to our own children so they can do the same. No one is perfect people, regrets are a waste of a growing mind and soul.
I have to agree with comment number 6~I’m not a mom either, but my mom has made many of these same mistakes with me. She had an emergency appendectomy when I was 6 weeks gestation. It was traumatic for the both of us. I have spent the past 30+years learning about how to live a whole, healthy life and I would want my mother to know that these lessons were also mine, and have made me who I am today. I would ask he to forgive herself, and allow these challenges to bring us closer not keep us apart.
I have many regrets……..I think that comes with the title of “momma”, I did, however, stand my ground when it came to vaccinations. My husband is a physician and passed me every study on the safety of vaccinations, and was adamant that our twins be vaccinated. After working for a doctor who specialized in autistic children (my degree is in biology,and I analyzed all the heavy metal tests that he ordered), I felt I had a few options for negotiation. First and foremost I staggered the vaccionations and pushed them back six months. I didn’t feel they needed 4 vaccines all at once at one year! I waited until they were 18 months old, then did them two at a time. Secondly, and most importantly, I called ahead to the Dr’s. office two months prior to our appointment and requested that they have preservative free vaccine for the kids. Insurances generally won’t pay for preservative free vaccine, but the cost is nominal considering what you won’t be paying in heartbreak, emergency room bills, and regret. Keep all the great work you fabulous moms!
I think we can spend our lives living in regret or we can spend our lives being thankful for what we have. I made lots of mistakes being a first time parent, some people would go as far as to claim I risk my life and that of my child by not going to a doctor for the first 6 months of my pregnancy (long complicated story). We can only make decisions based on what we know at the time and learn from our mistakes.
Shannon, are preservative shots the same as getting them separated? My son is 15 months shots are coming up and I’ve already skipped the MMR shot once and not sure what to do now. He needs his shots up to date for them to accept him in preschool/ daycare.
I regret not researching childbirth before my son was born. I was very naive to think that everything was going to be just fine and go just the was I wanted it to. I am very thankful that none of the medicines I took while in labor or the c-section affected my son long term. Right now I am struggling with his diet. I know I am doing ok with it, but I also know I could be doing better. Tiffany, I have seen a little of what your kids eat from some of your posts. But what would a typical day be like?
I wish we would all relax a bit. We all make mistakes, none of us want to hurt our children on purpose, we learn and we move on. We put so much pressure on ourselves, everything has to be perfect, I think that is way more damaging than any baby lotion for god’s sake.
Your story and the comments confirm my decision not to vaccinate my 20 month old daughter. Thanks. It’s really hard to follow through even as time goes by because we continually get hit by the negativity of western medicine. We can’t even find a pediatrician who will take us – just in case we ever needed something. We still don’t know what to do in the long term. I’m worried either way to be honest.
I really regret letting the doctor talk us in to inducing. I regret not knowing more about breastfeeding and letting the doctor scare me into giving her supplemental milk the first week. I never did recover and even though we tried everything for three months, I couldn’t give her nearly enough breast milk.
Mostly though, I’m grateful to have a healthy and happy girl.
Manda, sooo wise!!
I really appreciated all the comments and your post Tiffany. Manda’s comment is something I think we should all remember.
There are things I wish I would have done differently but I think the most important thing is to be “present” for my daughter so she never has to grow up feeling invisible. I guess my point is that any of my “regrets” are mostly superficial compared to the what I really want to Be as a parent.
I think we also have to be good to ourselves so our kids will learn to forgive themselves as well. Life is a process.
Thanks for all your comments ladies! I hope I didn’t leave the impression that I was wallowing in guilt or punishing myself because I am not. I just very matter-o-factly told you all what I regret. Part of learning is owning up to the mistakes you made. I don’t live in the past though.
You are very right Tiffany, part of learning is growing up and regrets usually teaches us awareness into helping us be a higher self of our intuition.. We are born with a gut feeling that seems to be contradicted, controlled or lost along the ways of external factors or mundane ideals, outside of our inner selves. Your oldest child was your blessing and by far your greatest teacher to bringing you to a better you, so thank him and the higher sources of the universe who send him here for you to improve… It was a temporary sacrifice of the body.. and the body doesn’t determine our spirit and who we are ultimately.. which is simply and purely eternal Love.. Namaste and congrats in overcoming a lessong in life.. you are on the right path now =)
Cassels,
No, preserved shots are NOT the same as seperated shots. Usually preserved shots are the entire vaccine (such as MMR), but can also be in single dose preperations as well. You can get them as seperate vaccines and also get them un-preserved–both of which I did. Thimerosal (mercury) is no longer used, but since medical offices use multi-use vials of medicine/vaccines (most cost effictive) they still come preserved. I left the medical field just after the Thimerosal ruling, so I’m not sure what they are using now to preserve. I hope that helps. Good luck!
Thank you so much for being so open and honest about this.
You will help so many moms in the process.
This was my first time to your blog, your post brought tears to my eyes.
well Its mostly with my first…
I regret the her being vax’d
I regret her unnatural birth, and for not rooming in with her at the hospital (I didnt even know you could do that…but I was 17 and did what I was told :(
I regret that I had to move in with my foster mom and go to work..while she CIO for hours (Ok I am going to cry).
I regret her diet, It was aweful and it was my fault for being a “convients is best” kind of mother.
I regret just about everything…exept having her…I wouldnt change that for the world,
Reading this article I feel like I’ve written it. We had quite the same story with my daughter, now 18 months old.
We vaccinated her on her second day with BCG, then we had all those problems with allergies, eczema, etc. The docs asked me to stop breastfeeding, and listened to them, which was my biggest mistake (and biggest regret…).
Now I do believe breastfeeding and natural parenting are the best and only one option for my kids, so hopefully with my second one I will have the chance to follow it.
Today is the first day of the World Breastfeeding Week 1-7 August, so let’s join the cause and support it. And let’s spread the word about the benefits of breastfeeding, and help those first time mums who need some support and advice… A great article about breastfeeding here: http://www.greenkiddie.co.uk/Breastfeeding.php
I feel your regrets and your pain….
One of the comments stated…what is the “SAD” diet??
The “standard american diet” is what you see at the store. It is pastuerized, homogenized, standardized, irridiated ( secretly), made of antibiotic CAFO and GMO grain fed cows and pigs and chickens, it has fake sugars and fake fats, filled with preservatives etc….it is why we are sick.
For tens of thousands of years we ate whole foods from living healthy soils. These are not the foods you see at 99.9% of the stores in America.
That is why there is a revolution to start connecting back to local trusted farmers and drinking grass fed raw milk. These are the foods that heal asthma, IBS and crohns and help kids with Autism.
Did you know that drinking raw milk is like taking 100 natural micro vaccinations every day ( orally ..the right route ). yes….it builds your immunity naturally with out the side effects of FDA pharma shots and their mercury and other toxins. Raw milk stimulates the immunity to a biodiversity of bacteria and viruses. If and when you do decide to vaccinate your child…space them out and use natural vaccination. Never vaccinate a child with a weak immune system. Eat whole foods only and thrive. Because the SAD is really Sad and BAD.
Mark McAfee
Founder CEO
Organic Pastures Dairy Co
Fresno CA
1-877 RAW MILK
great site! and post!
please help with our Parents Regret Project at http://www.parentregrets.blogspot.com
Thank you so much!