Kids look forward to summer vacation all throughout the school year. Parents love the idea of getting to spend a bit more time with the kids, perhaps envisioning backyard barbecues and trips to places like the zoo or a local museum. Summer vacation can start to feel a little stressful though after only a couple days when you don’t have a plan of action. Kids start to fuss about being bored and entertainment demands and expenses can get overwhelming.
After only a week or two mom and dad may be wondering what the heck they had been looking forward too in the first place because all they seem to hear is “I am bored!” or the kids are all fighting.
We had a really tough transition time this summer. Right as school let out we moved. So my two oldest kids had to deal with not only being home 24/7 but also being in a new city, away from all their friends and closest relatives. I know I often blog about the good times but it is only fair that I share the not-so good times and in the past few weeks I think we all reached the boiling point in our realm of the woods.
My oldest son has already butted heads with one of the families in our new area. I think they really resent the fact that my son (almost nine) is allowed to roam. This family keeps their kids hidden away as virtual prisoners. And no doubt this has caused problems in their household. My son rode his bike over to their house a couple times and stopped to ask if the kids could play and the father of the family came over to my house screaming like a banshee that I need to control my son and that no child should be able to roam around like that. He insisted that he “could have” run him over since he wasn’t expecting a child to be in front of his house. I was so shocked by his outburst I just let him rant and then smiled and shut the door. If I would have had a minute to digest what he was saying he would’ve gotten the finger too. I mean if you are going to come see a new neighbor and be a jerk at least make sure you have a valid complaint. I am not one of those parents that thinks the sun shines out of my kids arse but neither do I nitpick over little stuff.
Anyway, now their kids are apparently not allowed to associate with that wild child who is actually …GASP… allowed to ride his bike around the entire neighborhood!!! I feel sad for his kids. But not too much because now they are taking cues from their dad and being rude to my son for no reason.
In addition to being lonely without any of their old friends around, they miss their grandparents, who now live 1.5 hours away. They miss their old yard with a small wooded area, their play set, etc. Our old house was huge and they had their own space far away from siblings if need be. The new house is tiny and we are all thrown together quite cozily.
So when the kids started fighting like cats and dogs and totally dragging the family into some deep dark abyss and I started getting hives from the stress, I knew I had to do something drastic and that is why I haven’t blogged here in nearly a week. I decided I really need to take the summer off and devote my time and energy to making this transition as pain free as possible. This means not leaving them to their own devices but making sure they have plenty of structured, fun, play opportunities.
So starting this week our schedule looks much different. 2 days a week we are going to the zoo or the science museum. 5-6 days a week we go the local pool for swimming, sometimes in the morning and sometimes in the early evening. 1-2 mornings a week we go to free summer movies days that two chain theatres in our area are having. 1-2 days we also go hiking in one of the metro parks. The kids are being kept busy and entertained much of the time and that has helped a lot already. Early bed times due to exhaustion has been nice except mom also goes to bed early from exhaustion, LOL.
At first I resisted such an action packed schedule and was telling a friend of mine that I couldn’t devote the summer to entertaining them since I work from home, blah, blah, blah. And she just said point blank.. “And why do you work from home?”
“Uh well… cause I want to spend time with my kids… oh dagnabit you are right! I am making lame excuses.”
The fact is that it is summer time and they need me. They need me because they moved away from all their friends and their nana and papa. They need me because they are having trouble making news friends. They need me because we moved from our heaven on earth 2.5 acre plot to a teeny city lot. They need me to make this transition easier on them and I am in a position to devote my entire summer to making sure they have fun all day every day if needed. And with balancing free activities along with discounted season pass rates for other stuff we can afford all the activity too. Maybe in a few weeks I won’t be so exhausted anymore either…. that way I can get better about blogging in the evenings or early morning. ;)
What do think? Do you devote time to making sure your kids are entertained in the summer months or do you usually let them be self reliant?
We just moved to a big city too. My son was having a tough time as well, he is much younger than your kiddos, he will be 2 in August. He has been having tantrums and being very sensitive. We too decided that he needed scheduled entertainment. We have been exploring what the city has to offer and things have improved much!
Good luck! Transition sucks!
I think your plan sounds great and I’m sure your kiddos will appreciate it! We are currently living with my parents and we’re shopping for a new house so we can move out when the right one comes along. I guess there will be a big transition in my DD’s not so distant future as well. I’m glad I read this blog though. It serves as a gentle reminder that in the midst of all the chaos, at least we, as parents, understand the reasons behind the chaos and it’s up to us to help our kids work through it too. They don’t have a lot of choice in the matter when they’re uprooted from the things they know and love because their parents decided it was best for the family. Thanks for another great blog!
Nice post. Really nice. I worked from home recently until I lost my job. I never realized how valuable those two days a week were for me as a mommy to get a little break from my kiddos who were with a sitter who came to our house (while still being around if they needed me). I’ve had to readjust to make sure that I really give the kids focused time. It’s easy for me to spend the day picking up dishes from meals (one of my sons eats about 10 meals a day), picking up the house which gets more trashed b/c everyone is around all day, doing yard work (since it’s summer!) etc. I have to remember the kids don’t care about any of that. They just care about feeling attended to. So, I try to get those things done in the few windows of time that all three kids are entertained – and the rest of the time, we’re busy with planned or unplanned family time enjoying the summer… and enjoying that this *is* (as you pointed out) the reason why I am not working. Thanks for sharing. I love reading your blog.
We like to have it mixed up around here. We try to have some things planned because the kiddos do get bored, but I like them having unstructured time too. My daughter broke her arm after only being out of school for 3 days, and Dr. said no water until it heals up a bit. We’re near Chicago though and it hasn’t been too warm yet, thankfully:) I’m sure your kids are loving the activities!
I think this: “I just let him rant and then smiled and shut the door.” is always the best way to handle these situations. Take the high-road. Hold your head high.
I think it is so wonderful what you are doing for your kids. I will be logging off the computer soon, my work from home work has been really slow this week so I plan to have some more quality time with my son. And your blog motivates me to do even more now!!
He is 4 and was in pre-school this year which ended for the summer so I found a drop-in pre-school that he loves. We’ll do that 2 times a week and I try to plan mommy time for him every day. We have a park about 1/2 a mile away and we walk there almost every day to play. I do try to schedule a bit more during the summer.
I’m so sorry to hear about your new neighbor. It is so sad. Your son was being so nice and brave to go to a new neighbor in a new neighborhood to meet new kids and look what happened. Thank goodness most people are nice and I bet he will be meeting new friends soon!
Such a timely post for me. Thanks for the reminder that life is short and as parents, we are here to create the best, happiest environment for our kids :) Good luck with your transition.
The pictures show such fun!
For me, I do a bit of both. I try and make sure we have some fun things planned out, and Grandparent time, but I don’t go all out.
My five year old is better at finding things to do on his own, but mine are all still so young that I pretty much still have to find something for them to do, even if I’m not directly playing with them.
Nell
A healthy mix is what I strive for – achieving that is always a little harder. Right now my boys (7 and 9) are outside playing/arguing kickball. I’m doing my best to not intervene. :-)
I intentionally planned no activities this summer so we can be schedule-free, but that definitely still means spending time together at the pool, park, beach, zoo, etc. They also have one day a week with a sitter so I can have one uninterrupted day to work and focus more on the play the other days.
I’ve just discovered your blog and am enjoying it. I’m going to have to go read elsewhere to discover why you gave up your 2.5 acres of heaven. I’m sure there are benefits to all sides. We live in the suburbs (which sometimes feels like the dreaded middle zone betwn city & country) so we’re heading out to the woods for a week of life away from it all…
Your post made me want to cry out with joy! Yes, I believe you are doing the right thing. Your kids need you and your family will be able to transition much smoother if the kiddos are having fun and feeling supported by mom and dad. If you can afford to take the summer off, do it! My husband and I went into the education profession for that very reason-that we want to be with our kids during the summer months. That being said, they do go to a few days camps and a one week over night camp. The last three years my husband has taught summer school, which is only 4 hours a day for 6 weeks, but we’ve decided that next year he will be home so we can have even more fun together. We try to plan low cost and free activities as much as possible. We also shut off our cable TV from June-September and encouraging lots of reading. Good luck!
I’m still a newbie to your blog but have really enjoyed. When I first read your post a couple days ago I wanted to tell you what a good mommy you are. : ) I’m sure I was interrupted or distracted by little guys before I got to do that. I’m a SAHM in the burbs. It’s hard sometimes to stop trying to fix, organize, clean, etc…and just be with my guys…but I try. They’re growing so fast!! Soak it up while you can & help them through the transition…you’re right on.
We do a mix in the summer – only a couple day camps (in the morning for a few days)…but we mainly hit up all the parks. My youngest will be 3 in Oct so he’s easier to keep entertained.
Sorry about your neighbor…what an ass.
Thanks for your post – always good to be reminded about what’s truly important. Take care & best of luck. Bridget
I almost fell over giggling when you ‘let him rant, smiled, and shut the door’. What is this world coming too when parents are depriving their children from being just that… ‘children’. We are the ones that shape the future, I’d hate to see what those kids children end up like :).
Great post as well, we try to get at least 3 family activities in per week and that seems to kill most (not all) of the ‘mommy I’m bored’s ‘ in our household.
You should move to Ann Arbor… the kids in our neighborhood are outside playing and riding bikes (including to each others’ houses) all the time. I think those parents have some serious issues. I wish I had the energy for your schedule, but it sounds fun and I wish you the best during the transition!
The truth is that I really am trying to take it easy with my boys this summer. The first week of summer was rough!!!! They were fighting non-stop and so wound up. We are in our third week of summer vacation and they seem to be mellowing out. In fact they have been playing very nicely together the past few days. I think they just needed time to transition.
The only ongoing activities this summer are swim lessons, (once a week) and soccer next month (once a week). I try to set up a play date once or twice a week at the park. As it is, when you throw in all of the birthday parties and an occasional afternoon at grandma’s house swimming, we are keeping pretty busy. Not to mention all of the neighborhood kids that congregate to the swing in our front yard. There seems to always be a friend or two hanging out. Oh, and did I mention we have a park behind our house, and a new puppy keeping us moving?
So to answer your question, we do have some structured time, but I am also trying to let them find things to do on their own. For instance, they are in one of their rooms playing the keyboard they haven’t touched in months right now. Like everything else in life, summer is a balancing act.
Good luck in your new neighborhood. I am sure not all of your neighbors are so strange. Have a great summer!
Also, thanks for such a great blog. I don’t have the time to post very often, but I am always reading and giving you a big thumbs up! Don’t feel bad about taking time away to be with your family. I’m sure everybody here can understand why!
I have found, too, that keeping the kids busy during the summer keeps everyone happy. It’s good to offer some down time, but I think the sun and heat makes them squirrely if left on their own for too long! I am so sorry to hear how your neighbor reacted. It makes me sad to see kids nowadays being so sheltered. It is Summer for goodness sake! Let your kids out to explore a little bit! Eegads! They might enjoy it, or even become more independent, or Heaven forbid, get in touch with the outdoors! As far as the work thing, I recently made the decision to scale back my work from home also and have not regretted it for single moment. Moving is a huge transition for anyone and you should all be gentle on yourselves :) Best wishes to you all and wishing you a shiny, happy Summer!
My daughter is only four, so I definitely don’t let her roam around outside by herself. I’m a grad student/teacher so I have the summer off and I make sure that we get out. We live in an apartment, so we don’t have a yard, but we do have several parks within walking distance, so we walk to those. Also, we go to the library for storytimes and to play with the puzzles and check out books. We just started going to the pool, and, today, we went to the lake near our city. When we’re home, we work on her writing/letters/numbers/reading and I have her play on her own for at least an hour a day. She also watches some PBS in the mornings or a video in the evenings. I like to keep her busy especially because it’s just the two of us most of the day for most of the week.
I hope your kids can find some friends to play outdoors with soon.