What Do Kids Really Learn in Public Schools?

We had our daughter in public school for 1st grade and we were disappointed. Not only were there the morning battles of what she wanted to wear versus what we wanted her to wear or what was appropriate, but the teachers tended to teach to the standardized tests and concentrate their attentions on those that were having trouble learning.

This year we have her in a local private school (religious affiliated). There’s a lot more focus on reading above and beyond the requirements, and her math skills have expanded greatly. Plus, a bonus! Uniforms! Makes the mornings so much easier.

This is my big issue with public schools too, except my daughter isn’t very social and doesn’t have any friends she plays with at or out of school so I am torn between taking her out and keeping her in to improve her chances of making friends later. Right now she doesn’t care that she doesn’t have any friends but I am sure this will change in a couple years (she’s only 5). Anyway, I don’t know what to tell you because I struggle with the same issue myself. I also hate the types of foods she sees other kids eating too. Public school kids get so much junk!!

No suggestions here but I can echo your concern. This week on Facebook a little cousin of mine (4th grade I believe) left many status updates about how her little brother (6 yo) and their little neighbor were flirting and would make a cute couple. I see what you are describing in little girls much younger than your daughter. I have no use for fashion now but I do remember the worries and feelings a little bit but that was in Junior high not kindergarten! I wish I knew how to fix it.

I too remember the pressure to be “in style” with my clothing and hair in third grade! :(
(I was mostly homeschooled but went to public school 2nd, 3rd and 9th-12th)
I find it ironic that “socialization” is one of the main criticisms of home school. I think the kind of socializing that goes on in public schools is a big detractor.

We are trying to decide what to do w/ our soon to be 4yo. I know I have a year but it’s such a hard call.

I am having the same problem with my daughter, who is also in kindergarten. She LOVES school, but it seems to be too much about socializing to her, and what she wears. If she could, she would wear shorts or a skirt everyday, despite the weather (we have very cool springs here). I have to fight her to wear pants and shirt at least once a week when she is required to for gym. She also wants so badly to be able to wear jewelry, even though it is considered a distraction (and I agree) and isn’t allowed in class. Another thing that bothers me is a friend of hers- is…flaky, for lack of better word–yet my daughter doesn’t really see that in her; she just wants someone to play with after school every day, despite the fact that she always has fun playing with her little brother. This little girl’s mother is very much the same way, and it makes it difficult to get a hold of her to arrange playdates. I have considered homeschooling, but next year she will be going to a charter montessori…I’m hoping things will change for the better.

I am due to have my first child any day now so, I don’t have any parenting experience with this…yet. However, I taught preschool and kindergarten for years and having 12 years of public school in my education I can relate to your daughter’s issues.
In my opinion, the socialization may be difficult but I think the pros outweigh the cons. My experience with home schooled children is they can be socially inept and I will want a school atmosphere for my baby to be. I don’t have the money for private schools and I don’t have time to home school anyways so, I will have work with a public school education the best I can, make due with their program (both academically and socially) and subsidize at home with careful parenting skills to make up for their shortcomings.
I do intend to break the bank and pay for Preschool and Kindergarten in a Montessori school to give my kid a good, independent start to deal with the atmosphere of public schools. My parents gave me and my brother this foundation and I feel it is best armor for kids so they don’t get caught up in the ‘diva’ attitude.

My oldest daughter is considering being homeschooled next fall. I told her we’ll give it a try over the summer, to make sure it is what she thinks it is. I suspect she’ll like it and hope that I will too.

I’ve been fortunate in that she doesn’t really care about fashion. She’ll wear inappropriate to the weather clothes sometimes, but mostly she’d rather wear clothes she knows I won’t get too mad about her getting dirty. Dirt happens a lot, which is a delight.

She’s in second grade, and I’m honestly amazed she hasn’t been bothered more by some of the things I expected to bother her. She’s finally starting to notice, however, and is feeling that she doesn’t fit in.

Combine that with a teacher this year who was definitely teaching to the test, and of course I’m thinking homeschooling looking better. It just disgusts me that all year long they had no homework other than math and English, but now that testing is over, they’ve suddenly had a field trip with another one coming up, plus two interesting and challenging projects for the kids to do. These things would be so much better for the kids if there were spread out a little more.

All of our public elementary schools are mandating uniforms next year.

Funny thing I just wrote a post about public schooling and why I WON`T be sending our kids there!!!! You are welcome to visit my blog and tell me your feeling about it!

My 2 oldest have been in preschool and in and out of public elementary school. Presently they are homeschooled. When they were in school clothes and the right notebooks and the right backpacks and the right food (argh!) were huge issues. Also, my two fought at home while they were enrolled at school because they were taught that little kids were less than, and the bigger ones were so much cooler. Now that they are home (since January) they are best friends again and I haven’t heard anything about Hannah Montana or the Jonas Brothers since!!

Our public elementary school has a uniform tee that the kids are expected to wear four days a week. Most of the public schools here in Hawaii do also and I’m sure uniforms were instituted to combat what you’re dealing with, the distraction of dressing to be popular. Still, my daughter is starting kindergarten this year and I’m dreading it.

Our 4 year old is only in preschool but I am very liberal about what he wears and it expresses who he is. Mostly, he wears costumes to school (he has a great imagination). I think if you don’t fight it she will end up doing the right thing. You give them the tools and let them explore what works for them. Boundaries are necessary but I am sure if you trust her a bit you will not regret it:)

My 6 (7 in July) year old daughter went through a similar situation. My dilemma was that my husband is our school superintendent and therefore it isn’t possible for us to homeschool our kids. Here’s what I’ve done to work it through…
First, I spoke with her teacher and the principal. They were both exceptionally helpful with thoughts and suggestions pertaining to the situation.
Next, I talked to my daughter. Yes, she was only 5 at the time but I am open with my kids about what to expect in the world and from people. I asked her what “popular” means and why she thinks it’s a good thing. She told me it’s when everyone thinks you’re the prettiest one in class so you get to be in charge of what games to play at recess. I explained to her that wasn’t quite correct and what it means to be a real friend. She seemed to grasp and hold onto this talk more than others because she still brings it up more than a year later.
Another thing that I do is to let her have control over what she wears. Our rule is that as long as it fits correctly (and w/ school dress code) and is weather appropriate she can put together whatever wacky concoction she wants. Sometimes that means adding a sweatshirt to a tank top to make it winter wear or a pair of tights to a skirt but I think she feels that she has control over something and that seems to be enough.
As I said, it’s almost a year later and she is officially done with worrying about popularity. In fact, the other day she asked me to pick out some clothes for her. When I grabbed a skirt she said “Mom, I can’t wear that! How will I hang upside-down on the monkey bars?” as if it was the most ridiculous thing I’d ever thought of. I’m just glad she’s worried about being a kid now.

My best friend went to put her Waldorf-schooled daughter in public school, mainly due to the cost of a private education. When she went to visit the public school, she immediately made the choice to somehow scrimp and save to keep her daughter in Waldorf. The reason? The girls in third grade, were dressed very inappropriately and had mouths on them that were shocking. She looked at the Waldorf monthly tuition (around $500) as “buying her daughters virginity.” Fast forward, her daughter is now in high school (public high school) and is an amazing young woman with a strong foundation of self-esteem and education to propel her into a successful future.
Advice? Follow your gut. You know what’s right.

Tiffany, We exchanged e-mails last year about the K12 Curriculum. My son used it this year through a virtual public school. Next year we are heading out on our own and homeschooling because we are interested in studying at our own pace without the pressure of meeting a percentage of lessons completed.

I did not have the clothing issues with my son in the public school. He decided to stay at home after we did separate extensive pro and con lists for public and homeschool. I even googled other people’s pro and con lists for more ideas. His pros for public school were PE and recess. That’s it. He stayed home! I was more disgruntled with their idea of “healthy” food (chicken nuggets with fries? Cheez Its for their snack cart?) and the wasted time watching full length movies that had nothing to do with the curriculum and that most of the kids had already seen. If I keep going, this will get even longer than I know it will be already!

This year, we took PE at the YMCA once each week. My son made many friends, had fun and got some exercise while I filled a notebook full of advice from the other parents. We will be doing this class again next year.

It is a wonderful idea to join a yahoo group. I joined MNLS (MN Liberal Homeschoolers), the ECHO group for our state and HomeSchool adventures. They have all provided so much help/guidance.

Second, we joined a secular co-op and signed up for art, science and Spanish on Thursdays that will start in the fall. The co-op offered a free HS101 seminar that was very helpful. I am hoping this will help my son make some friends with whom we can go on adventures and will give both of us a 1/2 day break from each other.

Do some research! The first book I read was Real-Life Homeschooling: The Stories of 21 Families Who Teach Their Children at Home by Rhonda Barfield which I checked out from the library. It’s a nice easy read highlighting many styles. It’s an older book, but still very helpful. I read all of the stories, even the ones that I knew wouldn’t fit our style or values. I was most attracted to a few of the relaxed/unschooling stories but I learned something from every single story.

Now I am reading Mary Pride’s Complete Guide to Getting Started in Homeschooling as it was recommended by the HS 101 speaker. Although Mary writes from a very conservative view, she offers some great advice and information. She has great answers to the “socialization” question that so many will ask and is a joke among homeschoolers. Reading this book is really making me excited about getting started!

Many are surprised that because I am a former public school teacher, I am homeschooling my son. My other son will attend public Kindergarten and perhaps first grade. One of the mom’s from the Y’s advice was “take it 1 year at a time.”

Best wishes and I look forward to hearing about your decision!

We had a similar situation come up with our granddaughter who was three at the time. She was going to a daycare a couple of days a week that had alot of kids. She was starting to get a “bad attitude”. (She did not want to play with you because you were not her best friend.) She had always been such a happy little girl. Her parents changed her to a home daycare situation where there were only a couple of kids and her attitude did a complete turn around. She is a lovely child again. Peer pressure is intense.

Grandma

My oldest is going to be 18 in the fall. I’ve always homeschooled/unschooled my 4 kids – now 17, 16, 12 and 10. I have no regrets. I listen to what other parents deal with – attitudes, clothes wars, homework woes, over scheduling…and I know we made a good choice. My teens are both prepared to start college already. and will have no problem getting in. We have close relationships with all our kids- and we’ve never had any teen age rebellion or attitudes. We treat our kids with respect as individuals, something schools just aren’t equipped to do. My kids know what peer pressure is, but are all very strong in themselves, and have no problem standing alone – I don’t worry about them being sucked into what someone else wants them to do. I will miss my kids when they leave for college…but I am so thankful for the incredible people they are becoming, and for the friendship we’ve cemented in 18 years together. And you could ask any of them, and they’d tell you the same thing.

Best wishes as you make your decision :-)

I see how you’re concerned, but I will push back a bit and disagree.

I’m not a parent, but I was in public school for all of my education growing up. I, too, remember at a young age seeing a distinction between what other kids were wearing, playing with or talking about and what me and my friends did. While there might be some ugly behavior associated with this (as you’re seeing), if dealt with correctly, I think it helps strengthen us in the long run.

I always wanted to wear what I felt comfortable in, which wasn’t the same as what everyone else was wearing. When I did experiment with shifting my style to ‘fit in’, I felt out of character all day. Despite some young turmoil at school, I had a great support system of friends and family from a very young age that showed their love for me just the way I was. This made me more confident and carefree as to matching the status quo around me.

Maybe your daughter has an early interest in fashion that you can salvage here? It would be a great mother-daughter bonding activity to figure out what she likes and why, what you like and why, and for you to share some of your fashion favorites with her. If you took her out of this social situation, would she regress to the same am-I-fitting-in mindset later in life?

I know you’ll make the best decision for you and your children, I don’t envy parents put in this sort of situation!

I really enjoy reading your blog. It has given me some great ideas. I am attaching another blog link that has been very eye and mind opening for our family/children and has also had an affect on how we live our lives. Yours and Dayna’s blogs are the ones that I read the most.
Anywho, you can take it or leave it, but I thought you might find it interesting, then again you may really dislike it.
I felt a pretty strong tug on my heart to share this with you.
http://www.thesparklingmartins.blogspot.com/

I’d love to learn more about home schooling. I have no idea where to start to look for good information on the topic. Mainly, where does one go for resources, curriculum, etc. My husband and I have talked about this option if we can afford it, so it would be good to do some research now.

I’m a preschool teacher as well and have loved the centers I’ve worked in and how they encourage children to be caring, strong and individualistic. Regardless of where your child is schooled they will be exposed to things that we deem inappropriate. There is always a friend who has an older sibling who is dressing a certain way or using language that is appalling for his/her age. And it is often the younger kids who pick up on that and repeat it. I just try to be a good role model for my daughter’s behavior. Hopefully this sets her up for making good decisions on their own later.

Generation Diva? Could it be so?

http://www.newsweek.com/2009/03/29/generation-diva.html

Having done private school, home school and public, I’d say no one can answer your question, but you.

I think it is really interesting that you want to pull your kid out of school because she wants to be fashionable. I think this is a totally normal way for a child to express herself and fit in with her peers. When I was in Kindergarten, I wanted to have a matching lunchbox with my best friend. When I went into elementary school, I mimicked the fashions of my friends. We were punky brewster socks and t-shirts that announced our college of choice (Yale!). I wore my hair in a side pony tail. It was the cool thing to do.

Did the fashion of the day change my morals? Well, no. Part of growing up is deciding at what point you want to conform to society, and which rules you want to break. I think it is SO amazing that you are letting your kids decide how they want to be schooled. I was just disappointed when you stated that THIS would be your reason to pull her out. It sounds like she is really having a good time. It sounds like she is learning about social norms and what it takes to fit in. These lessons she’s learning now will come back to her later in life when she IS a teen. She might say, “You know what? I don’t have to wear that skirt to fit in because I learned that people will like me no matter what.”

When people bring up the S word, I have two replies. One, paraphrasing Robert Heinlein: “Socialization is for insects.” The other: “I don’t want my children to be ‘socialized’. I want them to be CIVILIZED.”

As the Bible says: “Come out of her, my people, that you receive not of her sins, nor partake in her plagues.”

Hi there, what an interesting blog. I’m from Australia and we have similar ‘western’ issues but it is the norm to have uniforms at all public / private schools which is great. As all girls (and boys) will have daily issues to deal with I think that a great thing to do is to sit with your daughter/s each evening in bed for a few minutes to chat about their day, what happened and their feelings so that you can ‘debrief’ with an adults perspective and your families values. I remember as a kid not having anyone to talk to and I would obsess and freak out for months about the littlest things that could have been avoided should I have had someone to talk to about them.

Whether you home school, private school or public school your kids is your decision but from what I’ve seen, today’s western consumeristic society is not fair on kids. Also remember that in tribal and older societies the family members would teach the children everything they need to know, not strangers (I do have high respect for teachers) which may be giving opinions and teachings that conflict with your families beliefs.

I admire your transparency and honesty about what you have witnessed. Not only that, you have drive to change it, which many don’t want to sacrifice for…
Check out this article that just posted this week. I found it enlightening.
http://americanvision.org/2624/the-socialization-of-education/

I homeschool my girls (have 3, soon to be 4) and have found it has been an incredible blessing. The eldest did spend some time in a Christian school, but the development of character, life skills, and godly perspective and growth I’ve seen at home has me in love with where the Lord brought us. I was once in former years a public school teacher, always very supportive of the traditional school model, but over time I began to see that our values, hopes, beliefs, and goals for our own children are best accomplished here.
Also, for more on the socialization falsehood that society likes to throw up in homeschoolers faces….
http://www.christianperspective.net/homeschool/socialization.html
On the article front, here is another that I enjoyed….
http://www.westernconservatory.com/article/2009/10/christian-education-and-biblical-law

WOW

I love this. I too have the same problem. We live in a small town and our school is top when it comes to teaching children about nature and green living but………………………….. BIG but.
I see this very same thing in my girl who is now 7 years old. We are moving to a new place but this new school is kindergarden to grade 12.
Very scary.
I do love that she dresses different then other girls Total ROCK STAR.
But I still see how upset she is when I try to pick her clothing and how important it seems to her at this age. I once made all her clothing and now have given up. I am so happy to read this and see that I am not alone.

I’m not a parent, but if I had children I think I would do whatever I needed to do to stay at home and school them myself. It can’t be easy to pull her out of school if that’s where she wants to go, though, so I can understand your hesitation. But if you really feel that it is the best option for her, the sooner you do it, the sooner you can repair the damage you’ve seen occur from being in the public school. Maybe when she’s older she can return with a stronger sense of values that will keep her centered when she’s bombarded by the fashion crazy students around her.

I teach kindergarten in a public school where most of the moms stay at home… sometimes the mom will work and the dad will stay at home. In this environment more than some of the other schools I have worked at, I notice this behavior more.

At a school where the children do not get whatever they want when they want it, you do not have these problems. Instead you get a wnole new group of problems… sex talk, drugs talk, codemns on the playground. Yes, a child actually brought me one that was left on the slide.

Though I say both of these as if they are negatives, I am hard pressed to say. They are unfortunately reality.

I have contemplated homeschooling my eldest because his school behavior is just wretched. At home for the most part, we do not have these issues. My youngest however has much more aggressive behaviors and a much poorer attitude that his brother. He had the role model to follow where as T Man did not experience other children his own age until kindergarten.

I wish I had a magic wand that could give a mom the answer. Alas, I do not.

If homeschooling though, I would make sure to have enough interactions with other children your daughters age though. From experience, I have learned that there is a whole other slew of problems when social skills are lacking due to lack of exposure.

Probably not a help, but I just felt a need to reply because i often wish i could do something to change this negative aspect of public schools. I sometimes wish we would move to uniforms. I would at least deter some of the growing up too fast i have noticed in the past 5 years.

If I gave my 8 year old son freedom to make decisions that could / will effect the rest of his entire life. To say the least, I would have an obese, ill-educated son.

I am not judging you in anyway, but I feel, as a parent, children are not capable of making the proper decisions when it comes to their education.

I know the probable short-term and long-term outcomes of the choices involved. The child, no matter how “bright”, is incapable of grasping such. If I place a life determining decision in the hands of a child, then I am disregarding my responsibility as a responsible parent.

Oh how I wish every school in America would mandate uniforms! Think that would squelch their creative expression? Check out the vast studies from all over the world and in the US that say it will increase learning and decrease violence/behavioural issues. I don’t think choosing their own clothing expresses their individuality when all they choose is exactly what will make them cool in the eyes of their friends…meaning exactly what everyone else is wearing.

A 5 year old choosing her own clothes and being fussy in NOT ABNORMAL. I find that there are pros’ and con’s with every school environment. The strongest influence on a child’s life is the parents.Through talking to your child and being a good role model, over time as your child matures, he or she will soon realize that there are all kinds of people in the world, some may act badly or use bad language and some are outstanding citizens.They will make good choices. All of this being said, these are the days of school choice. If you don’t like the public school you are at, look around, speak to administrators and other teachers to find a good fit for your child. I am a teacher and also a parent and have found that most of the kid’s problems start at home.

Here’s the trouble with asking for advice: You’re going to get a lot of it. Some, I’m sure is great and completely applicable. But only you know what is best for your child.

We put our child in private school, because we didn’t feel the public school was a good choice for our daughter. The social issues are there still, in private school, maybe worse maybe better. But take it one day at a time and figure out what’s best for you and for her… that’s the only advice I can really offer.

And keep a close eye on who she’s friends with… :)

Good luck with your decision this summer.

I disagree. Anywhere she is exposed to lots of kids is likely to be the same I would think… It isn’t like these kids are making these things up. It’s all learned behavior, so she could easily be homeschooled but still pick up the behavior from a friend whose parents allow too much TV. It does seem crazy early to be going through these things, but it is also a lot easier to teach her what is really important – forget about even being heard when it comes to those sort of things when she’s a teen.

(All my own opinion only, obvs.)

Maybe a good time to bond over some DIY bejeweling or thrift shopping! ;)

I hear your worries – I’ve been through the same thought process. Since we don’t have the means for private school and my job takes up too much time for home schooling (and to be honest: I don’t think I would be a very good home schooling mother…), we have no choice but public school. I have to say that I’ve been pleasantly surprised. We happen to live in a very good district where most other families of students are more or less in our social “class”. However, my son and daughter (K and 2nd grade) both tried to fit in either by clothes, hobbies and accessories (Pokemon, rubber bands, erasers, etc.). It’s a battle but I think it’s important to have it and to show your kids that the values at home have their merits. I think you will get through to them, even though it might not be immediately apparent. And sometimes I’m just wrong :) For example, I was initially really against Pokemon until I discovered that my son used his math skills to figure out all the points. We don’t let our kids watch TV (another battle) so playing with just the cards and trading is actually pretty innocent. And I did buy rubber bands and some erasers and find nothing wrong with it (except the price! $5 for 25 rubber bands – are they kidding?), so I guess, pick your battles. If you want to home school anyway and think it benefits you and your family, then it’s probably the right choice. Home schooling to avoid the battles or to protect your children from societal evils might work for a while but it’s also missing the chance to have a discussion with your children and to make a stand on what you perceive as the right choice. Good luck with whatever decision you’ll end up making!

My son goes to a Charter School, which is k-12 and has a dress code. I actually live one street over from the towns’ public school and have SEEN the way kids dress on their way to school. Supposedly it is a good school system (the public). I also know that the charter school is more academic based than the public…he will be there until he graduates and goes off to college. You have to do what is best for your child, whether that is home school, charter, montessori, private or public.
For Tracey: Since the charter school encompasses all grades, you might find that some of the kids take on a ‘big brother/sister’ role at the school. I have seen older kids stop the younger ones to tie their shoes or help them with their hats, gloves. I was concerned when my son started kindergarten, but quickly realized that it might be a blessing. (Plus the school has a strict policy of no bullying and using appropriate behavior.)

Great teaching and learning really comes down to the teacher that your daughter is with at the time. She can have a wonderful learning experience in the “worst” school and an awful experience in the “best” school. I would suggest you get to know the teacher(s) and find out whether you think her skills, abilities and personality are a fit for your daughter. It is easier said than done. Do not be afraid to ask questions, see examples of work and assignments. Pay attention to excessive use of worksheets and an over reliance on text books.

I totally agree, I see this with my neighbors who have children in grade school already. This is just one of the reasons we’ve decided to do private school – uniforms every day and no makeup or nail polish.

Go with your gut, Tiffany. My son is almost 3, and here in London they start Kindergarten at 4 – instead of 5 years old, but they all wear uniforms. I like the idea of uniforms. That being said, I love Waldorf schools. We plan on sending our son to a Waldorf School for Kindergarten and possibly the next few grades and then see how he is doing there. I may also homeschool. All this worrying about socialization drives me crazy. Even an only child will learn socialization skills. My son orders his own meal with the waiter/waitress at restaurants, says “thank you” to her or him and goes right up and asks for things he needs. He knows how to socialize better than his friends here who go to nursery school! I feel for your frustration though. It reminds me of when I was a kid and how badly I wanted a pair of Nike Cortez sneakers because all the other kids had them. Not because I thought they were great. Peer pressure! I didn’t know it started so young. Have a great summer!

Hi! Reading this post echoed our very same thoughts and feelings about our homeschool-public school hybrid educated 1st grade daughter. It’s the social education that concerns us the most. The talk of “boyfriends” at 5 years old, the watching of teenagers kissing on iCarly, etc. But I guess I’m starting to sound like a prude. I mean, really what are we worried about? Both my wife and I spend quality time with her and are very involved in her life. And like your post mentions there are advantages to both schooling systems. However, even a mediocre homeschooling experience beats a good public school environment in my opinion. So, if you have the time, resources, patience. gently redirect that “smart cookie” of yours on home! We may be doing the same with ours!

My husband and I are struggling with this same question and echo your concerns. We have a 4-1/2 year old son and a 3 year old daughter, and much like you, we feel the pressure to make a decision soon for our oldest. We have spent the past few years examining and exploring all the options and quickly decided against public schooling with absolute certainty. However, we are still trying to decide whether to go private or home school. We would love to go Waldorf, but the problem for us is the $$ as there is just no way we can come up with tuition for multiple children to be educated at those lofty prices. So we are now trying to choose between our church’s Christian academy and home schooling.

Personally, I would not dream of letting my 4-1/2 year old son make the decision. I just don’t feel a child is yet capable of handling that much freedom or choosing wisely among such weighty options (since wisdom is a culmination of age, knowledge, optimum judgment and experience). Just my opinion. But beyond that, my advice would be to follow your heart and listen to your inner voice. You know your daughter better than anyone else in this world; your intuition about what, who and where is best for her is the only voice that matters.

Best wishes on your journey….

I was in the Canadian public school system until grade eight, when I left for “unschooling” leaning by life experience instead of a set program. I know people from public schools, private schools, and a variety of different formats of home schooling – and from my life experience I can say that no one system is better! Not every system works for each individual, but that doesn’t mean the system as a whole is incompetent, it’s just not correct for the individuals learning style. I offer you the thoughts that arise based off of my life experiences, in the hopes that it will be helpful; I do not mean to offend you and if the information isn’t helpful then please disregard it.

Do you remember being five? I remember being eight better than I remember being five, but even so I do remember at age five the emotions of jealousy, pride, vanity, and admiration – which are the emotions that create issues of popularity. I don’t just remember having those emotions at school, I remember them from dace classes, and Sunday school events; the emotions that create the concept of popularity are part of basic social interaction, and your daughter will have to learn how to handle those emotions at some point. By reducing her social interaction you’d reduce her exposure to the concept, but is learning how to handle those emotions later in life actually beneficial?

While predominantly the over usage (ultimately resulting in self discovery and re-definement) of these emotions that teenagers are famous for has to with the correlation between hormones and emotions – part of the issue is also the change between caring what your family says, and not caring or even rebelling against what your family says (a self defense mechanism; as you grow up you need to define what you actually think and how you personally function vs. your families thoughts and functions so you that when you are on your own you can function without them). If sheltered from the concept of popularity and the emotions from which that stems until she’s older, your daughter is more likely to take the whole issue onto herself and not accept your input on the matter until much later in life.

I hope that makes sense.

I think the issue of schooling methods and the issue of popularity shouldn’t be directly correlated; and that if her grades are good, she’s happy, and she wants to stay in public school, that she probably should. I think the issues of popularity, vanity, and acceptable behavior (stating that you don’t want to wear a plain shirt and would rather wear a sparkly one, and throwing a fit over a plain shirt are not the same thing) are something you and your husband will have to broche with your daughter, and as she’s brought them up you’ll have to do that now. By dealing with those issues, you may find she decides it time to leave the setting which has brought the issues up.

One more thing, good and bad role models (and peers, which is what I think you’re actual problem is) come from everywhere. Some of the worst role models I’ve met have been in home schooling groups, while some of the best role models I met where in public school – while I’ve also met awesome role models in home schooling groups and some of the bad role models from public school are part of why I left the system. Learning how to detect the bad from the good is part of life.

But that’s my life experience, not yours and therefore may or may not apply.

Good luck!

Tiffany,
I commented already but wanted to share this TED Talk by my husband’s friend, Sir Ken Robinson. He hits the nail on the head about the need for individualized education.

http://www.ted.com/talks/sir_ken_robinson_bring_on_the_revolution.html

Good Luck!

I’m a mother of 3 boys, one has already graduated highschool and my other two have two years left. If I had to do it all over again I would have gone with my gut instinct and homeschooled all of them. The pressure was great in my family to put them into public school, but because this is the route we took I or my husband or both were constantly up at the school. So the only advice I have is follow your gut instinct!

by the way, love your blog!

This is one of many, many reasons we are choosing to homeschool. I don’t want our daughter influenced by others and their “values” (I use the term loosely) for most of her waking hours, 5 days a week. We spend time with other homeschoolers, some of whom may have a different set of values than us – however I am there to help her navigate if she needs assistance. Schools do not have an adequate staff to supervise all of the kids.
I attended public school and it sucked the life out of me. I’m not saying this is everyone’s experience – or that homeschooling is the best or only way for kids to get an education. This is what works best for our family. Nothing makes me happier than to see my child happy, smart, and confident!

I am a mom of 5 girls! :) Crazy, but great! We have experienced all three types of educating, and frankly there has been pro’s and con’s to all three. Right now we have kids in 2 different school districts. And that is because every kid is different and we take it one year at a time, and do a lot of praying about it and oberserving and being involved with each girl during the year. No way is perfect, I can tell you that. All my girls are very confident in themselves, but I think that it has a lot to do with what goes on here at home. We are not perfect parents or a perfect family. It sounds like most of those who commented are very involved with their kids, and trying their best to do what is best for their kids. But it bothers me that we can’t give opinions without attacking others decisions. One of my girls found out about sex from a homeschooled kid (it wasn’t malicious), and a friend of mine’s daughter found out about oral sex from a kid at church! My kids all go to public school right now, and we are pretty strick on the things that they read or watch, (can’t read Harry Potter or Twilight series or watch iCarly or romantic movies) and they sometimes complain about that! :) So what do you do then? Get mad or make an opinion about the education of that child? We just made the best of the situation like it is said, “No use crying over spilled milk.” And my daughter is a great girl, and I took her away over a weekend and went through a CD series about sex and purity. We have had great experiences in all three education styles, and you know your daughter best, what is the best for her. The great thing is that your decision isn’t set in stone! You can always change the type of schooling even in the middle of the year based on how your daughter is doing and the things you observe in her character, etc. You can take it one day at a time.

Mom of 4 with a 5th on the way here. Having said that 2 of my children did at one point attend public school and it has had a detrimental effect on them. Neither one of them have the love of learning that they used to have. Can you believe that they were both molested at school?! Two different schools at that. Personally I find that public school is not a safe for children mentally, physically or spiritually. (Yes I realize there are some good public schools out there)
Public schools see your child’s head as an empty container that needs to be filled up with a ton of stuff that they will not likely remember. Nor will it fit their individual needs as they grow older. I have one child that will clearly work with animals and has had a desire to be a zoologist since before he heard the word. The other a Mr. Fix-it. No way around it he’ll either be inventing something or trying to fix something, I can see it every single day in nearly everything he does. With the other two it’s still to early to tell, but I’m betting at least one of them becomes a chef. Public school does not allow for their future dreams or personalities. They must conform or be left out.
It is the same with social interaction there. Be like everyone else or don’t fit in. As a home schooler you are free to hook up with others that will encourage your daughter to be herself and enjoy life rather than being so concerned with what she looks like. Inner beauty is often emphasized rather than clothing or material objects. You can choose or start an co-op and if you don’t like it, OK! Go to a different one. This allows you to find just the right atmosphere for you child.
Good luck with whatever adventure you embark on. May it be a blessing to you and your family for the rest of your lives. I had to enter my email address to post this so i assume you know what it is. If you need anything at all jet me an email and I’ll be happy to help you out or refer you to someone who may be able to. TGC and have a great day!

it is the same for me because there is a cute guy in school and i want to look cute in school.

:-) The thing I would try to do is just give her a pixie style, which is filled with natural colors, and every day clothes. If you want her to be a ‘pixie diva’ just get some jeans and thread on beads! Ordinary t-shirts can be signed from BFF’s or drawn on, but not too messy! c: Skirts can have a handmade cloth belt for style with a ornament or large button, and socks can be long or just plain white or any size! Rainbow socks are nice, and show popularity from my observations~ Shoes, =ANYTHING!
I’ve tried this with my twin sweeties, -one boy one girl- and my other three angels, my family is how I want it. :- ) Hope I helped~

Dear Sister,

I really hope you get this:) I hear your fear. It is a fear, I believe of the Lord. The world is shaping your daughters heart and it’s a scary thing to let happen. We have four little ones at home, the oldest 6 and youngest 5 months. We homeschool because we wish to please our Good God. I don’t know if your Christian, in fact I’ve only been on this site for a few minutes because of a google search on gardening and was about leave when I saw the topic homeschool. I just knew I had to write you when I read this article:) So, if you’re Christian, God commands it in Scripture that we are to teach and train up our children for His Glory (Deu. 6:7) Among other passages such as, Luke 6:40, it is clear that us parents have been given the responsibility to protect and guide their souls so that they can be happy, good, and productive in this life and hopefully, in the next. And, even if your not Christian I know some families that homeschool because they realize that their children have an advantages being educated at home than by going to school, and, or, like your daughter, the influences at school were destroying their truly good-hearted children.

So:) as far as experience goes, we have seen the fruits of winning the hearts of our children (it’s hard work!) , and they’re learning that our parent-child relationship is really important. We are friends with one another. And, all of the negative stuff about homeschoolin that you may have heard or will:) hear is just that, negative, what about socialization, what about this or that? What and who do you want to see your children grow into? It lays greatly on your shoulders; you provide the circumstances that will help them to grow into beautiful people or selfish stereotypes that are all around us.

I say all of this with optimism and love. Please don’t let my passion and forward language offend you:)

With all sincerity and prayerfulness,

Camille

P.S. I’ll check back to see if you respond:)