I am a big fan of Elizabeth Pantley’s “No Cry” solution books. Not only is she
a gifted author and instructor for parents, the whole no cry philosophy has always resonated with me as I am a BIG opponent of cry-it-out methods. I do not believe in letting my babies/children cry for extended periods of time in the hopes of teaching them some life lesson. Her best book IMO is The No Cry Discipline Solution but I never had a need for her sleep solutions book.
Her latest book, The No Cry Nap Solution, is pretty darn good though and while I wasn’t particularly concerned about naps BEFORE reading it I certainly was afterwards. It has a lot of research into why kids need naps, how long they should be, and all the mental and physical benefits kids get from something so simple as a nap.
My 2 year old will be three in 11 days and he has only been napping once or twice a week for the past 6 months. According to the charts in this book though he should still be napping every day. And one big sign that he should still be napping is exposed in the book. His behavior in the late afternoon is a clear indicator that he is not getting enough sleep. At about 4:30 every day he starts to have a melt down… crying, fussing, etc. Instinctively I know he is tired but at that late hour the last thing I want is for him to go to sleep so that his evening routine gets messed up. I usually give him an apple or pear to snack on and the natural sugars revive him until dinner and then he goes to bed at 8:00.
But I read something alarming in one of the early pages of the book about a study from the University of Michigan. They found that 3rd graders need a minimum of 9 hours and 45 minutes of sleep each night to lower their risk of obesity. Kids that slept longer than that reduced their risk up to 40 percent. Their study clearly showed that the less sleep kids got the more likely they were to be obese in subsequent years.
Now I am not worried about my toddler being overweight (he isn’t) but I can see already how I was using food to stimulate him so he wouldn’t nap…ooops. I could unconsciously be teaching him that when he feels sluggish and tired he just needs to eat, instead of listening to his body’s sleep cues. And he was was a few hours shy of the 12-13 hours of total daily sleep (nap and bedtime) it says a three year old needs.
So we started using some of the ideas in the book this week and while he hasn’t napped every day, he has napped more. AND if he does need to sleep late in the day I have started letting him. In fact I find he still goes to bed at the same time usually and never more than an hour later so the naps really don’t mess with his nighttime routine too much which was more a routine for ME than for him anyway.
I think this book concentrates mostly on very young children and babies but it has lots of great suggestions for all parents….and lots of cutie pictures of kids sleeping. It teaches how to look for sleep cues, how to set them up for sleep, how to establish routines, and how to handle difficulties. And thank goodness there is no horrible advice to let the child scream until they wail themselves to sleep. My favorite part of the whole book was a quote from a mom who said that her doctor actually told he that she was letting her newborn baby rely on her too much. Her response ” Of COURSE she relies on me – she’s a four week old baby for goodness sake!”
I highly recommend Pantley’s book for gentle, attached, parents everywhere who want a cooperative, compassionate way to handle difficulties with their children.
Next up for me is her No Cry Potty Training Solution….because next week (hopefully) we start potty learning!
Also read my review of The No Cry Discipline Solution.
The quote from the doctor regarding a 4-week old child relying on its mother too much is startling, but so common it is terrifying.
My friends applied this theory to their twins when they were just weeks old (nevermind born a month early), and I had to leave the room when they started talking about child psychology or when they let their newborns cry. Motherly instincts are very strong, and while I don’t have children, it was all I could do to not pick them up and soothe them.
Thanks for sharing your story and this book.
I was actually just reading this book before I read this post. It is a great book and I am going to start working on my daughter’s sleep patterns so I can sleep more soundly.
I definitely understand a parent’s need to get their child to sleep and sometimes at almost any cost. I’ll take my baby on a drive or a stroll to get him to sleep. The line that I draw? When my 10 month old cries. There is no earthly way that I could go about my day while my son cries alone in his room. It is teaching him that 1) his cries of help do not matter and 2) that the only way to get attention is by screaming or some other kind of outburst. What kind of lessons are those? Cry-it-out is a sad, hideous form of neglect. Yes, I sound harsh. But as a mother, I cannot look at my baby in the eye and fathom leaving him alone to cry. It’s extremely important that sleep-deprived, frustrated parents learn methods of coping and soothing their little babies to sleep. And hey – giving your son an apple to make him feel better is nothing to feel guilty about. :) But I understand your point of trying to not soothe with food. Good luck and happy new year!
Never, never have my babies gone to sleep alone or cried themselves to sleep. When they are tired that’s not the time to turn off your loving parenting ways, if anything that’s when you need to crank it up a notch! The beauty for me of helping my babies to sleep, both during the day AND at night is that they get their rest. They don’t feel like they are missing out on something or resisting the need to sleep b/c they are going to be alone. For those who go to sleep alone, they tend to resist naps as they grow b/c they become more aware of their isolation and they just DON’T like it. Thanks for the book rec…hopefully it will get those who are considering the cry it out method to reconsider.
Thank you for a great review! My son who is now 3 1/2 years old has always co-slept with us and when he napped, I stayed next to him until he fell asleep. And, we have never had any sleep issues with him. He falls asleep so fast and we have such a close relationship with him! We are strong believers in Dr. Sears’ attachment parenting and I hope more parents will stop using the cry it out method. I just can’t imagine letting my little guy just cry and cry. For those of you wondering… he is not spoiled. None of these kids are as long as you set limits which is what we do. My aunt once told me that by picking up a crying baby too much you will spoil them which I quickly tried to explain to her that the opposite is true. Not sure if I got through to her or not.
Anyway, thank you so much for such an important review!!!
I continue to love your blog!!
This is a great write up! Thank you :)
I tell ya, when I have kids, I need to come back to your blog and search under so many terms (I’m always saving my favorites, but there are so many!)… books, green toys, homeschooling, games, etc.
Thank you for having this blog :) :) :)
I just put my kids to bed with me… when they napped, I snuggled, etc… but as they approached 2-3 years it was time to start getting them into their own beds. We had some bumps in the road for my first child but after that we’ve done well.
I was never a fan of the cry it out methods, which everyone in my family said I should use. My babies needed their Mama, not a lonely crib. It’s funny how we spend so much time teaching our children to sleep alone only for them to grow up, get married and have to learn to share a bed again.
My kids share bedrooms, so they aren’t alone even though they do have their own beds. We did a full size bed for two girls for sometime, but one moved so much more than the other that it didn’t promote good sleep!
As for getting enough sleep and lessening the chances of adult obesity… my 3yo is in bed at 7pm until 6 or 6:30 am with a 1.5 hour nap around noon while my older kids are in bed (1st and two 3rd graders) from 8pm-6:30am. There are days I think my 6yo still needs a nap, but with our schedules its not a reality! If they don’t get to bed on time or have a restless night, its obvious the next day!
(Isn’t that true for us grown-ups as well! I need a solid 7 hours or I’m cranky and sleepy all day.)
Thanks for sharing this book! I will be passing the information on to our friends with little ones!
Thank you so much for sharing! My husband & I cannot stand the thought of letting our baby cry it out – it’s torture and it doesn’t work. But our 11-month old needs to sleep better and I intend to read these books. Great suggestion!
I loved the NCSS when my guy was a baby. It definitely helped, but there are no magic solutions for some kids.
Even though we never did CIO and followed all of the AP advice I could get my hands on, we are still having sleep issues.
(He slept pretty good from 1yo to 2yo, but since 2yo it’s like we are starting over.)
So I’ll have to check this one out too.
Anyway, it is a little frustrating to hear parents glow about how beautifully their attached families sleep, when I’m still exhausted every day and my child is 2.5yo. I guess we are just the exception.
Oh we have issues Kaiya I just make them a non-issue. My almost 3 year old still doesn’t sleep through the night most nights AND he insists on starting out in his own bed…he never liked co-sleeping. So I am going on year 3 of interupted sleep. I usually do have to get up once a night to either comfort him or bring him into my bed. It is just one of those things I accept as an attached parent but it isn’t necessarily easy.
I have this book too. The kids have had such a hard time since we moved from MT to WV. Our issue with the four yr. old is that if she naps, she’s up till 11 pm. But if she doesn’t nap, she’s awful all evening. I’ll have to figure out which box the book is in!
I have not read the No Cry Nap Solution book yet, however I am interested. I have a 10 week old daughter that will only nap on me or my husband. I’m scared we’re creating a bad habit, but I can’t stand to hear her cry when I try to put her down to fall asleep on her own! Is this book worth the time? I have other books on this matter and am wondering if I should buy another. Is it too early to “sleep train” my daughter w/the no cry method?
we have a 5mo. old baby girl, and she is having issues sleeping (waking up every hour or 2 throughout the night). so we are looking into this book.
2 books i can’t recommend enough are:
Diaper Free (amazon)
and
The Continuum Concept (I cannot emphasize ENOUGH that every parent reads this book ASAP, parent or NOT.)