I don’t have many positive things to say about public school lately. In fact I don’t have anything positive to say really. I wish my oldest son (7) didn’t love going to school so much because I personally think that it might be a bad idea.
We had a long road to travel with his vaccine injury and his epilepsy. I was told long ago that he might have some difficulties with learning later on due to his brain injury so when I sent him to school I was VERY nervous that he wouldn’t do as well as the other kids and he would be made to feel inadequate. I lucked out in Kindergarten as the program was similar to Montessori education but I am not so lucky after our move to Ohio.
He is now in the BEST school in the county which I can now see is going to be a HUGE problem. My son is having trouble reading. In my opinion this is no big deal. I have no doubt he will learn to read just fine…even if a little slower than those in his class but it is a big deal to the school, who is now pressuring me with group review meetings designed to help my son with his “problem”. In these meetings it is me, the principal, my son’ teacher, his new reading teacher that was assigned at the last meeting, a Speech Language Pathologist, and the school counselor. Basically we are supposed to brainstorm ways to help my son “catch up” with everyone else.
The problem is I don’t think he should have to “catch up”. What in the Sam Dickens is wrong with a child learning to read and write at his or her own pace. Why do ALL children have to live up to this cookie cutter definition of a “good” first grader? Grrrr. I got really angry when two letters came home this week about this “issue” and one of them basically hinted that my son is becoming withdrawn in class as he begins to feel like an outcast that doesn’t have the same abilities and skills the other kids have. Whew….when I go to that meeting next week they are going to be sorry about that one. If anything it tells me that THEY are making him feel like an outcast…if in fact he is feeling that way…which I doubt. If he is being withdrawn it is likely because they are reading aloud in class and expecting everyone to be able to do it and he can’t. Sounds like a good reason to not participate if you ask me.
So I am at a loss about what to do. I would hate to pull him from school against his will but I have no doubt that these teachers and this school WILL undermine his confidence eventually and I will be one mad mama when that starts to happen. Putting him in a private Montessori school really isn’t an option because there aren’t any here. Right now I am looking at Sylvan and Kumon for tutoring but I HATE the thought of adding more school work to his life. His weekday schedule is this….get up at 7:30, get on bus on 8:00, get off bus at 4:00, play until 6:00, eat dinner, do homework, go to his bedroom at 8:00 and watch TV till 9:00 and then sleep. Rinse and repeat. Homework last night consisted of two math worksheets, 2 books that had to be read, and one reading board game that had to be played. On the weekends I let him run free. Especially since he only gets to spend every other weekend with his Dad (who travels extensively for work).
So what I do when I don’t consider the school’s problem to be a problem? Yank him from public school? Get his some tutoring? Ignore it? I wish I knew what to do.
Anyone have any ideas, experiences, or insight to share?
Oh, I am so sorry to read this. We’re probably going back to homeschooling after one year in a public magnet school. My child was a late reader too. If it wasn’t for the Waldorf School we had her in I don’t know what we would have done. All that flagging and tagging and intervention stuff just fries my arse, to say the least. Perhaps one bit of helpful advice I can offer is read The Call to Brilliance by Resa Brown. I’d always thought homeschooling was a good option but that book really gave me the courage to embrace my child just the way she is and say heck with what the rest of the world is doing.
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I’m a homeschooling mom, so I’m no help in dealign with the public school system. But I’ve got to agree with Aimee above, go to the next meeting and be perfectly clear that you don’t see a problem and that he will learn at his own pace unless their pressure prevents him fro doing so.
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I am a homeschool mom but don’t worry I won’t push it on you LOL. If you are interested in homeschooling I would look into the laws of your state and you can go to your local library and maybe find some homeschool groups in your area too.
As for reading it shouldn’t be cookie cutter. There is a book called “Better Late than Early.” Sorry I don’t know the author I just know the name of the book (haven’t read it myself but have heard good things about it) about it actually being better to learn to read later than earlier. Especially boy’s too I believe. If you want a good site for phonic http://www.starfall.com is a good one. It’s fun for the kids too. With whatever you decide just realize you are doing what is right for your son no matter what anyone else says. I’d be happy to answer any questions you might have about homeschooling. This is only our third year homeschooling so I am by no means an expert but I will try and help anyway I can. Good luck with what ever you decide.
Tara, thanks for the book recommendation. It looks amazing!
As does Better Late than Early…thanks Jody.
This subject has been consuming my thoughts. Thanks for all your help!
As a former special educator turned SAHM, I know first hand all about labels, interventions, testing, etc etc and I am so sorry for your experience! I used to be one of those teachers who sat and talked with you about how your child wasn’t performing like everyone else. That is the problem though…the focus is on trying to make all kids learn the same things, the same way at the same pace. It doesn’t work. I am so sad that public education has gone the way it has lately.
Thank No Child Left Behind for all the intervention and “your child has to perform the same as everyone else or else something is wrong with them” philosophy, when really everyone learns differently and everyone has different strengths.
At your son’s age though, I would not do tutoring. I really think that if you just keep doing what you are doing at home and you know in your heart that he is “ok” then I wouldn’t let yourself get pressured into making sure that he is performing like everyone else. You have rights as a parent and I hope you walk into your next meeting ready to let them know that they are the ones making your child feel withdrawn! Teachers/administrators need to hear that because we get so caught up in test scores and all that other crap and we forget that every child is an individual and learns differently and that doesn’t mean that they need a label.
I’m not sure what to say, but I empathize with your situation. It is a big decision either way, but it doesn’t have to be a permanent situation – it’s one that you can revisit from time to time.
And my therapist would say “Don’t should on yourself”. ;)
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Aimee Thanks! This was so nice to read. My gut instinct tells me to do exactly what you described….and then nagging mommy guilt makes me second guess myself. I need to keep telling myself there is NOTHING wrong with my son…the system is broken.
As a former teacher now SAHM I would say that you would be extremely happy with the homeschool options out there right now. Check out homeschoolreviews.com. This site gives an extensive list of all the available curriculums and posts reviews by mom who’ve tried it. If your son loves school because of the social interaction, try looking up homeschool groups in your area. Ours has social events, weekly sporting matches, etc. Also your local art and rec centers usually offer classes at a good price for homeschoolers which would allow your son to meet other kids.
I was a late reader myself. I was actually put in the “remedial” reading class in elementary school. My dad was very worried and had many talks with my teacher about it. Then one day I got very into reading. I won the 5th grade award for most pages read and ended up getting an 800 (a perfect score on the old SATs) on the verbal section and a perfect score on the reading SAT II.
I think the advice here is exactly right. No one learns at the same time, and it is much more important to have a real interest in reading than being forced to “catch up” to everyone else. And being pressured from all sides certainly won’t foster an authentic love for books.
I also would go to the meeting and express my concerns. If things don’t get better, then you have to make the decision.
Tiffany,
I think your comments reflect how many people feel about the state of public education. I am very lucky to have my children at a Waldorf school. I do not know that they have any Waldorf schools in Ohio, but you could find out at http://www.awsna.org and/or http://www.waldorfworld.net.
If you do not already know about Waldorf or Steiner education you can get a quick glimpse at wikipedia of what it is about. I can’t recommend this method enough to people.
So you know, I am the enrollment coordinator for the Tucson Waldorf School and have my 3 children at the school. I had two public school teachers visit our school today because they do not want their kids to go to public school. we have a lot of teachers in our parent body… There are also many homeschoolers that use Waldorf methods. Someone just above already mentioned it.
Good luck!
-Cynthia
www. HealthyKitchenware.com
Tiffany
Both my homeschooled kids were late readers. Now my 14 year-old is in school and one of the strongest readers and a straight A student. There would have been a lot of pressure and intervention if they had been in public school. Now they love reading and it will be a source of pleasure for the rest of their lives (unlike their late reading father who felt shame and pressure in school.) Ohio is such an easy state to homeschool in. We are lucky to have so little intervention from the state and it’s easy to unschool in those early years. We loosely followed Waldorf methods with lots of art and nature studies until they were ready to start reading.
Hang in there and do what your gut tells you.
Wendy
HUGS Tiffany! Just reading this tells me how much you love your son, and you can see whats being done to hurt him, and that hurts you! My oldest 4 kids were/are in public school, I too have seen its shortcomings. Especially in my oldest son (now 20) who cannot read beyond a 3rd grade level and stopped caring years ago. I want to recommend some books, they are hard to find check with your library for an interlibrary loan thats what I did. The books are by John Holt, and the 2 I recommend most are Learning all the time, and teach your own. If you cant find them I have a few of his books Id be glad to loan you!
If you’re considering homeschool, find a homeschool support group in your area and see what they have going on. You can get support there from other homeschool moms that have been through the same thing you have and been homeschooling for a while.
I’ve heard good things about Silvan Learning Center from a friend and my sister. My nephew went there once a week during school and twice a week during the summer, so it wasn’t as often as you might think. Within a few months he was above reading level for his age and was able to stop going.
Just remember that you’re the mom, you know your son better than the teachers do, and your gut feeling is probably right.
Hi,
As a homeschooler last year (our kids are in PS this) – it’s definitely an option for you and worth looking into. Also, we’ve known several “late” readers, including a couple of cousins who have ended up having long-undiagnosed visual tracking issues. You can google for info. on this – many doctors aren’t convinced it’s a real phenomenon but we’ve seen too many friends who’ve been helped by the exercises (and sometimes glasses with prisms and magnifiers). Good luck!
Hi Cynthia. :)
Nope, no Waldforf. Although I took a look at the one they offer a few hours away and I love a quote from their site. Education is a journey, not a race.
My son is 15 now. We started home schooling after kindergarten not because I was completely set on the idea but because the public school option was far from ideal and we couldn’t afford private school. I was a single mother. My son couldn’t read by the end of first grade. He was tested at the beginning of second grade without my consent by his father. He tested as having the reading level at the end of first grade and he should have tested at the beginning the second grade..(HUH?) He actually didn’t start reading until the month before he would have entered 3rd grade. Coincidentally when he started losing his baby teeth. Boys learn to read at a different age than girls. And public schools need all the students to be on the same page. I tried everthing to get my son to read and he only learned when he was ready. As long as you are reading to him every day and showing him how to enjoy reading…good stories and a variety of materials he will learn…One day my son was reading simple early readers and by the end of that month he was reading chapter books.
As for homeschooling if you can afford to do it…go for it you will never regret it…I am still homeschooling my 15y. It allows flexibility,creativity, and a closeness with your kids that school impedes. No one says they have to homeschool forever but it is time well spent.
The book “Better Late Than Early: A New Approach to Your Child’s Education” is by Raymond S. Moore, Dennis R. Moore and Dorothy N. Moore.
I greatly enjoyed it.
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Another homeschooling mom here! We homeschool our middle(6th grade) and youngest(1st grade) sons, and our oldest is now in public school 8th. Just wanted to encourage you, along with the others, to stand your ground regarding your son if you choose to continue with public school. Be the squeaky wheel :) Also, I too would advise against adding tutoring. Too much pressure and not enough fun. The goal is for him to learn at his own pace and actually ENJOY reading.
Otherwise, there are so many wonderful homeschooling options today that you would be amazed by the ease and flexibility. The links given were good ones.
Blessings to you as you choose the best option for your son and your family.
Another homeschooling mama here! I love it and wouldn’t trade it for anything. What I love about it is that it is so customizable. My son has some learning issues though we have never had him tested, if he was in ps he would definately be labeled. He is an amazing reader way above for his grade, but horrible at spelling at Math. So he is in third grade, we do lots of upper level history and reading (4th and 5th grade levels)and do second grade Math and spelling. It works for us and he doesn’t feel like he is behind at all. I second what everyone said about the support groups and activities in your area. We were in a huge coop for 2 years until I had baby number three. Now we just get together informally with other families every Friday. We only school 4 days a week which is awesome! We are part of a homeschool P.E. class with the city and that is free, they also offer free martial arts classes too. So much information to look into. You will find so much more than you could imagine once you start searching! I would read anything by Charlotte Mason. She is big into letting kids learn at there own pace, really big on letting them learn from nature and nature studies and notebooking and narration excercises. Very hands on and it is amazing at how much they learn when it doesn’t even look like a school setting! Good luck! My thoughts are with you!
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You could always pull him for the time being, homeschool him, and see how it goes. He might not think he’d like to be homeschooled, but once it happens it could totally change his mind.
He may see how much he loves learning in the homschooling enviroment. You could look into homeschooling groups and other methods of getting him around other kids, if that’s why he doesn’t want to leave school.
And if it just isn’t working out then he can certainly go back into the public school.
I’m sorry to hear you’re dealing with this. It’s exactly why I’m not sending my boys to public school (among other reasons) but we’re lucky to have a great Christian and Montessori school locally.
I’m all for homeschooling and ideally would love to do so, but hubbs isn’t so keene on the idea so we’re most likely going to compromise with a Montessori for the time being.
Too bad your area doesn’t have one! :(
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I am so sorry that you are going through this right now. I am in school studying early childhood education and each time I go into a classroom for an internship I am more sure of my decision to home school. It seems like all schools care about are test scores and more test scores and if your child doesn’t measure up then there must be something wrong. GRRR!!!
My aunt used Waldorf education to home school her kids and it was wonderful. I having been reading up on that for when my own kids are old enough for school.
So my advice is home school and look into all the groups that you can get involved with in your city. I don’t think you will regret it because then your son won’t feel the pressure and he will be able to learn when he is ready.
Hi Tiffany,
First, I wanted to tell that I just recently discovered your blog and I love, love, love it! Our family is really trying to live in a lower impact way and your blog is so interesting and helpful.
Secondly, I wanted to throw in my two cents about homeschooling. I never had any intention of homeschooling my kids, but when my 6 year-old daughter began experiencing debilitating anxiety in kindergarten we decided that something had to be done. So, out of desperation and against everyone’s advice, we decided to take her out of public school and give homeschooling a try. It has been a year now and we are amazed to find that we love it – I can’t imagine going back to full-time public school. It was surprising to find out much control we have over the process and how many options we have. We have put together such a fun program for her – some school work at home (which took place in a homemade cave under the dining room table by lantern light this past week), lots of trips to the library, PE and Music at the local public school, and a Spanish class with other homeschool families in our area. I really feel like we have the best of all worlds. And, by the way, she gets plenty of social time which was one of my big worries when we first started. She’s doing great and our whole family is learning so much. I am definitely busier, my house is often a mess, and some days are really tough but, on a personal level, I find it deeply satisfying to see her doing so well and to be giving her a positive school experience.
Hang in there and best of luck to you as you navigate this situation!
I second the Moore book, if you weren’t already thinking of reading it.
Also, as a teacher, I’ll give you my perspective on two things:
1) schools are forced by “No Child Left Behind” to increase test scores or possibly lose funding, so the pressure is high and has little to do with what is best for your son.
2) teachers, even many bad ones, do care about parents’ needs and desires. I would approach the meeting with an “I feel” attitude (I feel like teacher pressure is what would make my son withdrawn… I feel like he needs such and such to prosper) rather than a “you suck” attitude. They can’t deny your motherly feelings. Also, bring copies of quotations from research and/or the mentioned books that prove that different children learn to read on different schedules and this does not mean that they won’t be fine down the road. They can’t as easily argue research as they can randomn opinions. Finally, feel free to mention that you believe “No Child Left Behind” and its pass-the-test-mentality is hurting the education system and that many teachers believe this too. (you might find such commentary on http://www.aft.org or http://www.nea.org – the two big teacher unions).
If you get flack from the teacher, you can talk to the principal; if no progress with him/her, talk to the School Board. Don’t know about yours, but my school board has a “come down on the side of the student” rather than the teacher mentality.
By the way, Ohio standards (http://www.ode.state.oh.us/GD/Templates/Pages/ODE/ODEDetail.aspx?page=3&TopicRelationID=330&ContentID=489&Content=32574)
say:
“By the end of the K-3 program” students should:
Use letter-sound
correspondence knowledge
and structural analysis to
decode words.
B. Demonstrate fluent oral
reading, using sight words
and decoding skills, varying
intonation and timing as
appropriate for text.
All that BY THE END of K-3. Is your son near the end?
Having said all that, I’m a homeschool wannabe, so go for that too!
Monica
My younger brother has had IEPs, or individual education programs most of his life. He’s got dyslexia but he was bored more than anything else. I think the biggest thing is you have to fight for your rights. You have you let them know how you feel, what you expect and what you will do. I wouldn’t add any more school either. He needs time to be a kid and not be stressed. If he’s getting stressed then it is time for homeschool thinking. But just stand up for yourself.
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Since you asked (smile!) I truly believe that homeschooling is a wonderful option that is enjoyable and encouraging, especailly for kids that for whatever reason don’t flourish under the one-size-fits-all traditional school mold. In actuality, I don’t think many kids achieve their absolute best under this kind of system and most would probably do best being taught in a more stress free and safe environment and being allowed to work at their own pace.
Best wishes to you and your son, no matter what you decide is best for him!