I am a worrier. BIG time. It started when I was a child and I worried about grades, tests, what people thought of me, giving speeches in my ministry school, ect. I think it had a lot to do with the fact that my father was a minister and an elder in our church and my mother was a full time missionary. It was drilled into me that any misstep on my part could mean I stumbled someone else and they would lose their everlasting inheritance. That is a lot of pressure for a kid and I became perpetually anxious. The one only wrinkle I have on my 33 year old face is a line between my eyebrows from frowning… or worrying.
Learning how stop worrying is something many of us wish we could do. And in truth, we can. Worry is inevitable in some situations, but many of us worry far more than we need to. Worry has simply become a habit and, like all habits, it can be broken.
Can Worrying Can Be Productive?
There are two types of worry. The first is the kind of worry that’s good for us, that makes sure we take care of things we need to, like turn off the coffee pot. The second kind of worry is just a waste of time and leads to mental exhaustion and stress – this is the kind of worry over things that we have no control over.
Think carefully about what you’re worrying about. Learning how not to worry means learning how to differentiate between the two types of worry. If it IS something you can do something about, make sure you take steps to do that. If you sit there doing nothing you’ll only keep worrying. If you know you’ve done all that you can, and there’s nothing more you can do, keep telling that to yourself to put it out of your mind. I usually get a burning sensation in my stomach and chest when I am worrying so that is a physical sign that I need to let it go. It also reminds me that worry and stress are bad for my health.
If I am driving downtown for instance and don’t know the place I need to go by memory (which I hate to do) I will feel that burning and I have to breathe deeply for a few moments and remind myself that if I cannot find the place I can turn around and go home. There is no reason I HAVE to be anxious if I can’t find the place.
When I am at home and I feel that sensation I will go in the bathroom, take off my shirt, and let the shower blast me with cold water for a few seconds. It gives me jolt, gets the blood pumping, and immediately snaps me out of my worry mode. Try it!
Catch Yourself When You’re Worrying
Many of us get carried away with worrying without even noticing! Sometimes we can be doing one thing and suddenly find our thoughts wandering, or we start looking up things on the internet related to our worry. Unless this is going to do something to solve a problem, it’s a waste of time.
But how do you catch yourself? It is going to take practice. If you find yourself worrying at work, put a post-it on your computer or your desk. It doesn’t have to say “stop worrying” – it could be as simple as a picture of a smiley face to remind you to take control of your thoughts again. You also need to be actively looking for worrying thoughts. You won’t always catch worry out quickly, but you’ll gradually catch yourself sooner and sooner.
Remember, learning how not to worry takes practice. At first you might not think that these strategies are working, but with practice you’ll find that taking your mind away from your worries is easier and easier.
How do you let go of worry?
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I ask myself “what’s the worst that can happen?” and then I answer that with “what’s the worst that could happen if that did happen?” and I keep going until I get to the root of my fears. Then, I ask myself if that fear is correct. It never is, so I can think realistically about the situation.
Great tips. I’m also a mother hen/worry wart! Growing up everyone always came to me with their problems (even on the playground) and I felt as though I burdened those problems on my shoulders and then worry about things I cannot control or change. It is tough.
Way back when my worrying was out of control I spoke with a therapist. I told her the things I worried about…especially my sister and I didn’t know what to do about my sister’s difficult relationship with her husband. The therapist told me that there was nothing productive about this worry and simply to stop. She said I can talk to my sister… advise her, be there for her, help her… say it like it is. But she said that worrying all the time was not helping either of us.
That simple statement, silly though it may seem, gave me this odd freedom to let it go. I could just let my mind wander without feeling obligated to ponder yet again about what I could do to help her and feel that worry to my core. Now when I thought about it I simply changed that to…I don’t HAVE to worry…and then, Now…what shall I have for dinner?
I started drinking wheat grass. It has helped tremendously with my anxiety and worry. When I was a child I would stay up at night crying/worrying about getting cancer. I would worry that my parents would get in a car accident. I would worry about black holes. Untypical, unhealthy things for a child to be worried about. Now I’m a nurse and worry about everyone in my life including myself getting sick. Working out, being vegan, and most of all drinking wheatgrass has made worlds of a difference. For the first time in my life I am feeling relaxed and less worried!
Thank you so much for this post! I worry constantly and it’s nice to know I’m not the only one. I took a course on Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction and it was a big help. And my husband, who is a psychologist, has also recommended the cold water on the face trick which I have yet to try.
I’m sorry to hear that you were such a stressed child. I think no child should be put under the pressure of guilt, that being said though, perhaps that was how your parents saw their responsibilities. This is not typical of Christian parents in general. My dad is an elder too, he is the most loving, caring, no pressure person. Neither of my parents ever put pressure on me to join the ministry school or do talks, but I did and loved it! Most mom’s and dad’s I know do all they can to protect their kids from pressure and stress. But I do think that your right, no one should ever say you may stumble someone if you say the wrong thing. That’s simply not true, especially of children!
I used to be a big worrier as a kid-just like you. I have learned over the years how to recognize worrying and then how to release it. Your tips are fabulous! It does take practice and the solution is different for each of us. I like the wheat grass tip from Michele-I’m going to give that a try in addition to all the other “stuff” that I do.
I am pretty sure that having religious parents didn’t lead you to worry….relying on God eliminates the need for fear.
How do I let go of worry? Not easily! Some of it is from childhood I think, and some of it is a biological predisposition (at least for me, I struggle with clinical anxiety and depression), but I wonder how much of it is simply the unreasonable pressures of modern life? How much can be alleviated by adjusting our schedules and expectations for ourselves? How much of it comes from just too much on our plates and on our minds? I don’t know.
Practice is right! Best not to worry about worrying. Thanks